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Old 11-16-2004, 11:40 AM   #1
Jonas Strider

Join Date: July 28, 2004
Location: Seattle-Redmond WA
Age: 52
Posts: 178
These are pretty funny (and true!)

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident California driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstances should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with MA, CT or NH plates. With no insurance, the other operator has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS system kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the highway

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in California during rush hour.

9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a California driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. California is the home of high-speed slalom-driving along the I-5 Speedway; thanks to Department of Public Works, which puts potholes in the key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert.

12. It is traditional in California to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seatbelt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every California driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

The California Department of Motor Vehicles
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Old 11-16-2004, 01:00 PM   #2

Join Date: June 24, 2002
Location: aa
Posts: 2,101
Originally posted by Jonas Strider:

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing your seatbelt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
LOL this one's the funniest
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Old 11-16-2004, 01:02 PM   #3
Takhisis Follower

Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
sounds applicable to Budapest, too
Too set in his ways to ever relate
If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay
But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave
Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray
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Old 11-16-2004, 01:20 PM   #4
Jack Burton

Join Date: July 19, 2003
Location: an expat living in France
Age: 33
Posts: 5,577
Originally posted by Vaskez:
sounds applicable to Budapest, too
Too true...

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Old 11-16-2004, 02:00 PM   #5
Timber Loftis
40th Level Warrior

Join Date: July 11, 2002
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 11,916
Let me add a couple from Chicago:

1. The indicator signal is not a request for permission -- it is fair warning, a statement of actual intent. Move it, or lose it, or honk if you can't be seen.

2. (And this one for the Southerners) Do NOT, repeat, Do NOT fail to take your turn at a stop sign or signal intersection when it is your turn. It is not polite to sit there and let someone go first when you have the right-of-way -- it is in fact a delay of game, and in a city this big every f-tard like you adds up to a lot of clogged highways.

3. Do not enter and intersection you cannot leave. If you are sitting at a green light, and 3 cars ahead of you are going to be stuck in the intersection when it turns red, blocking all 3 bazillion oncoming cars, don't add to the problem.
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Old 11-16-2004, 02:55 PM   #6
Symbol of Cyric

Join Date: September 20, 2004
Location: Maine, feel sorry for me
Age: 28
Posts: 1,163
decent jokes. 13 is the best, i agree
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Old 11-16-2004, 03:16 PM   #7
Illumina Drathiran'ar
5 Card Draw Champion Spy Hunter Champion
Join Date: July 10, 2002
Location: I can see the Manhattan skyline from my window.
Age: 33
Posts: 4,673
Sounds a lot like what people learn in Jersey...
PLAY THIS GAME. Seriously.

My heart is like my coffee. Black, bitter, icy, and with a straw.
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Old 11-16-2004, 04:14 PM   #8
Baaz Draconian

Join Date: September 8, 2002
Location: Cornelius,NC
Age: 31
Posts: 700
Lol, I agree with the Chicago ones, went up there last summer to visit... people are nuts up there.
I am the Ferret king, master of the hordes, allied to Someguy\'s mighty pinguins, we will soon rule the world!
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Old 11-16-2004, 05:12 PM   #9
Jack Burton

Join Date: August 24, 2002
Location: Brisbane
Age: 32
Posts: 5,401
Holy crap they were great!!!
I loved number 2 [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
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Old 11-17-2004, 06:22 AM   #10
Lady Blue03
Xanathar Thieves Guild

Join Date: January 18, 2002
Age: 33
Posts: 4,557
LOL, those are all so amazingly true Except I always wear my seatbelt!
Yep I'm still lurking!
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