Tragedy

Jorath Calar · 07-29-2003, 06:23 PM

Ugh, I need help... I absolutly have no idea what to do, or even if I should bother meddling in this at all, it could either mean "lovers" reunited or which is just much more likely, a utter tragedy and a broken heart for a person who definetly does not deserve it...

Here is the story...
for about a month now I have been talking to a girl from Brazil on Icq, very smart, and fun girl who at first always seemed very happy, but about a week and a half ago she told me about her boyfriend who lives in Sweden and she was going to move to him soon. But the stories she told me about him were not very nice, he is very rude and sometimes they would fight and once he almost hit her. she also told me he has many times hacked into her computer to see who she is chatting to and said she has the right to do it but she does not... he also has threatened her many times and many such weird things... but amazingly she still loves him. Great, then last weekend she tells me she thinks he is avoiding her and not even returning her phonecalls... and today she said his sister had told her he was maybe thinking of dumping her but didn't want to tell heryet and was therefore avoiding her... and here is the "punchline" she said she is going to go to sweden anyway and even sooner than she planned to see him and try to "fix" their relationship... somehow I have the feeling it's just going to end badly... and I have tried to tell her how bad I think this is going to end but she says she still loves him and just has to try...
I havn't known her for long time and don't know if I should do anything but just thinking about whats giong to happen when she gets to Sweden just scares me...

Xen · 07-29-2003, 06:28 PM

Tragedy indeed. I hope it will be everything OK with the girl. I really don`t understand such guys who think they have power. What do creatures with power want? More power ...
But if she loves him so much then he must see that and like they say:Live and let live . She loves him. That is a fact. If he is smart enough he will see that if not,he is stupid or confused.

Animal · 07-29-2003, 06:44 PM

Leave it alone.

Ladyzekke · 07-29-2003, 07:02 PM

Have to agree with animal. Obviously she is determined to go, and you have already given your opinion to her, there is nothing else you can do but hope all goes well and she stays safe and possibly learns her own lesson.

Night Stalker · 07-29-2003, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Animal:
Leave it alone.

Even better ....... RUN AWAY!!!!

You don't need this drama ..... listen to Talking Heads instead!

Jorath Calar · 07-29-2003, 07:18 PM

I was going to run away at first, thought this was way too intense, but now I just feel sorry for her, she is going to go so there is nothing I can do if I wanted to...

So I just hope for the best (hard but...) and listen to Talking Heads... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Animal · 07-29-2003, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jorath Calar:
I was going to run away at first, thought this was way too intense, but now I just feel sorry for her, she is going to go so there is nothing I can do if I wanted to...

So I just hope for the best (hard but...) and listen to Talking Heads... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Good plan. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[ 07-29-2003, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: Animal ]

The Hierophant · 07-29-2003, 10:56 PM

Don't worry about it [img]smile.gif[/img] People come together, they grow apart. They feel joy, they get hurt. It's all part of the life cycle. If she does get hurt by this, then hopefully she will learn valuable lessons in character judgment, and will grow as a person for it. If she doesn't, well, that's a shame. Despite the obvious empathy you feel for her, it really isn't up to you to save her from herself.

Harkoliar · 07-30-2003, 02:10 AM

personally, let her learn from her own actions. it has to be her own responsibility. however, it cant hurt to check her out once she is there just to make sure she is ok and all. thats all i can say.

harleyquinn · 07-30-2003, 08:53 AM

Sorry guys, don't agree with you. Speaking as someone that was in that exact type of relationship with a guy for three years. I finally wised up when he almost hit me.
I would have left him years earlier except that since none of my friends were speaking up to tell me that they thought he was treating me badly I was convinced that he was treating me like I deserved to be treated. That it was my fault that he had to control my every movement. This is not an exaggeration, from how I slept, to how I dressed, to how I walked, showered, which garbage can I used, making sure I used mouthwash by measuring what was in the bottle, monitoring my phone calls, not allowing my friends over ....
Had just one of my friends spoken up, I would have had the strength to leave because someone was on my side.
SPEAK UP!! She may be upset with you now, but trust me, when she sees the truth, she'll remember that you were a good friend.
I'm speaking from experience, I really wish someone had said something to me at that time. It would have saved me from a lot of therapy and pain. I now have an agreement with my friends that they are to say something if they ever see me in a relationship like that.

[ 07-30-2003, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: harleyquinn ]

07-29-2003, 06:44 PM	#3
Animal Gold Dragon Join Date: March 29, 2002 Location: Canada Age: 51 Posts: 2,534	Leave it alone. __________________ It\'s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye...then it becomes a sport.<br /> [img]\"http://members.shaw.ca/mtholdings/bsmeter.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

07-29-2003, 07:02 PM	#4
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Have to agree with animal. Obviously she is determined to go, and you have already given your opinion to her, there is nothing else you can do but hope all goes well and she stays safe and possibly learns her own lesson. __________________ Reality Show Recaps

07-29-2003, 10:56 PM	#8
The Hierophant Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: May 10, 2002 Location: Dunedin, New Zealand. Age: 42 Posts: 2,860	Don't worry about it [img]smile.gif[/img] People come together, they grow apart. They feel joy, they get hurt. It's all part of the life cycle. If she does get hurt by this, then hopefully she will learn valuable lessons in character judgment, and will grow as a person for it. If she doesn't, well, that's a shame. Despite the obvious empathy you feel for her, it really isn't up to you to save her from herself. __________________ [img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth!

07-30-2003, 02:10 AM	#9
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	personally, let her learn from her own actions. it has to be her own responsibility. however, it cant hurt to check her out once she is there just to make sure she is ok and all. thats all i can say. __________________ Catch me if you can..

07-30-2003, 08:53 AM	#10
harleyquinn Symbol of Cyric Join Date: November 25, 2002 Location: NY Age: 48 Posts: 1,190	Sorry guys, don't agree with you. Speaking as someone that was in that exact type of relationship with a guy for three years. I finally wised up when he almost hit me. I would have left him years earlier except that since none of my friends were speaking up to tell me that they thought he was treating me badly I was convinced that he was treating me like I deserved to be treated. That it was my fault that he had to control my every movement. This is not an exaggeration, from how I slept, to how I dressed, to how I walked, showered, which garbage can I used, making sure I used mouthwash by measuring what was in the bottle, monitoring my phone calls, not allowing my friends over .... Had just one of my friends spoken up, I would have had the strength to leave because someone was on my side. SPEAK UP!! She may be upset with you now, but trust me, when she sees the truth, she'll remember that you were a good friend. I'm speaking from experience, I really wish someone had said something to me at that time. It would have saved me from a lot of therapy and pain. I now have an agreement with my friends that they are to say something if they ever see me in a relationship like that. [ 07-30-2003, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: harleyquinn ] __________________ [img]\"http://www.bethspage.us/sig.jpg\" alt=\" - \" />

07-29-2003, 06:23 PM	#1
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	Ugh, I need help... I absolutly have no idea what to do, or even if I should bother meddling in this at all, it could either mean "lovers" reunited or which is just much more likely, a utter tragedy and a broken heart for a person who definetly does not deserve it... Here is the story... for about a month now I have been talking to a girl from Brazil on Icq, very smart, and fun girl who at first always seemed very happy, but about a week and a half ago she told me about her boyfriend who lives in Sweden and she was going to move to him soon. But the stories she told me about him were not very nice, he is very rude and sometimes they would fight and once he almost hit her. she also told me he has many times hacked into her computer to see who she is chatting to and said she has the right to do it but she does not... he also has threatened her many times and many such weird things... but amazingly she still loves him. Great, then last weekend she tells me she thinks he is avoiding her and not even returning her phonecalls... and today she said his sister had told her he was maybe thinking of dumping her but didn't want to tell heryet and was therefore avoiding her... and here is the "punchline" she said she is going to go to sweden anyway and even sooner than she planned to see him and try to "fix" their relationship... somehow I have the feeling it's just going to end badly... and I have tried to tell her how bad I think this is going to end but she says she still loves him and just has to try... I havn't known her for long time and don't know if I should do anything but just thinking about whats giong to happen when she gets to Sweden just scares me...

07-29-2003, 06:28 PM	#2
Xen Symbol of Moradin Join Date: June 5, 2002 Location: Slovenia,Ljubljana Age: 36 Posts: 8,554	Tragedy indeed. I hope it will be everything OK with the girl. I really don`t understand such guys who think they have power. What do creatures with power want? More power ... But if she loves him so much then he must see that and like they say:Live and let live . She loves him. That is a fact. If he is smart enough he will see that if not,he is stupid or confused.

07-29-2003, 07:18 PM	#6
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	I was going to run away at first, thought this was way too intense, but now I just feel sorry for her, she is going to go so there is nothing I can do if I wanted to... So I just hope for the best (hard but...) and listen to Talking Heads... [img]smile.gif[/img]

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