Is she Lying? Can it be true??? Do I want to believe it?

[Larry_OHF]

Originally posted by Sazerac: Just out of curiosity, why ask this question? What would one hope to gain from either answer, if neither one will give satisfaction? It's like a girlfriend asking her boyfriend, "Do you think she's prettier than I am?" when watching Pamela Anderson on TV. The poor boyfriend is dead in the water; no matter which way he answers, yes or no, he's done for. If he answers "yes", he's DEAD (LOL) and if he answers "no", he's branded a liar. Of course, better to be a liar than dead, so most will answer "no"; in which case it starts a 4 hour + discussion on WHY the girlfriend isn't prettier than Ms. Anderson, including an cross-examination of everything the bf is saying in support of his claim. In short, Larry, give your poor wife a break. Of course she's lying. ANYONE would lie in those circumstances. She married you, therefore she chose you and wants to be with you. That's the most important thing of all, after all. Knowing that you do find other ladies attractive, and aren't going to act on it, just assume that your wife does find other males attractive, and won't act on it as well. She loves you, and that's what's important. Take comfort and security in the life the two of you have. Cheers,

Sorry You guessed wrong! I have told my wife who I find attractive, and why..."I like her hair, pretty eyes, she is just a cute girl...etc. I have told her that I would never hide anything from her, and so I have not. She is not sharing. She knows that I find other girls attractive, and she understands why. She even agrees with me most of the time, as to let me know that my taste is good.
There is personal reason why I would ask the question as to why she will not let me know who she likes. This is why I asked it, not for your sake, or any other, but for me.
Sorry I did not include that in the first part. I just did not think anyone would challenge my reasoning for asking this. Thanks for reminding me to update my info., though.

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Devoted member of the Ironworks
Loyal guardian of the OHF
Member of the Ancients' club
Faith beset in The Rocks
(they show the way, you know...)

[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 08-23-2001).]

[Yorick]

You know, before I was married I was a compulsive flirt. I would do so without being aware of it. I had a wide roving eye, and as I appreciated beauty in say a tree or waterfall or bird, how much more the incredible magnetic beauty a woman can radiate. I loved talking with women, their voices, their eyes, their sensativity and openess to emotions and expression. Their smell, the way they moved, dressed, curved (did I say that! ).

Then I met my wife. While I was married I honestly believed I had met and married the most beautiful, most intelligent, most passionate person alive. She could have been a model, had a highly sought after and reputed Aussie degree (came in the top 3% in the states high school finals) she wrote with such fluency and articulation, created visual art of such brightness and positive vitality, she felt love and pain like no-one I'd met. I was smitten, and looked no further. My flirtatious nature died, I guarded even the slightest thought - especially as I was teaching young single women music. I found a midline where I could appreciate another females qualities without being attracted to them or desire more, because I had all I desired. All else was second best at most.

Thus Larry, your woman may well be telling the truth. To her there truly may be no others attractive. There is a difference between attraction, and admiring beauty - inner or external.

The dream, as some of you know, turned into a nightmare for me. What was so "perfect" turned into a pain-mine, which over time grew to the point of such enveloping blackness that life had to either end or be reinvented. I chose reinvention and after a chaotic maelstrom, began a long healing process which continues to this day.



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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Reeka]

I wouldn't say that your wife is lying, I think maybe you have different viewpoints, different perceptions, or even different definitions. I don't think you need to feel guilty and I don't think you should worry about what she says.

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Order of the Holy Flame
Member of Clan HADB

[Melusine]

Reeka, Moni...exactly! That is very probably the case

*big long hug* for Hugh!

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Melusine, High Queen of Fluffies, Archbabe of the OHF, the LH,
the HADB and the SPAE(Society for the
Prevention of Acronym Extinction) &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia
Amy Brown Fantasy Art

[Yorick]

Originally posted by Melusine: *big long hug* for Hugh!

*exhales deeply*

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I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Yorick: *exhales deeply*

*more hugs* thinking of you my friend!



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Melusine, High Queen of Fluffies, Archbabe of the OHF, the LH,
the HADB and the SPAE(Society for the
Prevention of Acronym Extinction) &
Official Entertainer Elf of the BG2 Bar

Your voice is ambrosia
Amy Brown Fantasy Art

[250]

pats Yorick's back brother, I want to meet you, really. how about I fly to Sydney this Christmas? anyone from Ironworks can come as well

[Sazerac]

Originally posted by Larry_OHF: [Sorry You guessed wrong! I have told my wife who I find attractive, and why..."I like her hair, pretty eyes, she is just a cute girl...etc. I have told her that I would never hide anything from her, and so I have not. She is not sharing. She knows that I find other girls attractive, and she understands why. She even agrees with me most of the time, as to let me know that my taste is good. There is personal reason why I would ask the question as to why she will not let me know who she likes. This is why I asked it, not for your sake, or any other, but for me. Sorry I did not include that in the first part. I just did not think anyone would challenge my reasoning for asking this. Thanks for reminding me to update my info., though. [/B]

Then I take it that you have significant reason to believe that there is someone else whom she is interested in? There's no way I can determine her rationale on the basis of what you have said, but a few pointers:

If she is being coy or remote with you when she never has done so before regarding openness or if you are picking up other things from her that something may be wrong, then yes, I would say that there would be a cause for concern.

However, in the absence of the above symptoms, I still wouldn't worry about it. Based on your posts, Larry, you sound like a terrific husband. It sounds as if you're going through a bit of stress right now (both of you) and need to relax your attention on the day-to-day problems and concentrate on each other and what both of you need. I have a feeling that you are doing this; based on what you've said here, I don't know if she is or not. Keep trying, though. The important thing between you guys right now is communication.

I was going to say a little more, but my wife just called me at work and her car battery is dead...I have to run. Don't sweat it too badly, Larry...just keep working with her. I wish you all the best, buddy.

Cheers,


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[250]

i dont know man, i guess there is no point keep guessing
it might hurt your relationship, let time unveil or cure everything

Originally posted by Melusine: Reeka, Moni...exactly! That is very probably the case *big long hug* for Hugh!

Yes, Reeka and Yorick said it in words much more eloquent than I could find at the moment.

*Hugs Yorick*



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You know childhood is over when a puddle seems like an obstacle instead of an opportunity.

Is Too! Is Not! Is Too! Is Not!