Is it really possible for a girl and guy to remain close friends?

[tracey]

one of my very best fiends is a man. his name's henry and i love him very dearly. he's getting married next year to his girlfriend (also my friend) of 11 years'. i have known henry for 4 years' and gradually came to love him. i adore his company and we share intimate problems with each other as well as loads of trivia and silliness. however, i love him enough to never want to harm his happiness or to ignite the spark that lies between us, therefore, we avoid being alone together and will always be just 'friends'. this is a concious decision on my part - i couldn't speak for hen. i respect henry immensely as his girlfriend did at one time think we were having an affair as we spent our lunchtimes together and obviously enjoyed each others' company. she didn't feel comfortable with this, so henry said he couldn't have luch anymore with me.

i was sad about it but because i didn't want the situation to be misinterpreted by julia, who is sometimes a little insecure, complied willingly. now. henry and i email each other often and love it when we meet up. (he used to live next door to me, but i've moved a long way away.) the situation of friends becoming something could have happened if he's not loved his girlfriend so much and if i had been unattached also. however, i respect him so much because neither he nor i were willing to risk our friendship for something that may well have caused a great deal of unhappiness to others'.

the thing to take into account is that friendship is a very important relationship in and of itself. friends are always there for you and you need them. lovers and boyfriends, let's face it, come and go until you decide you're mature enough to want to settle with one person. i have lots of male friends but i either don't fancy them physically or they don't meet my criteria for a partner - too immature, too sensible, too straight, etc., but they're still very good and lovely friends. when you do have a freindship with someone you fancy in all the right ways - that's when the chemistry kicks in and the relationship moves onto something else in addition. in the meantime, don't be put off making friends with guys, just be sure that you keep your emptions in check and accept friendship for what it is. a very valuable relationship with lots of fun and laughter and sharing.

hope this helps

[Sir Taliesin]

Originally posted by Sazerac: Just out of curiosity (revisiting the topic, and a LOT of good ideas here, BTW): how many of the "successful" male-female platonic friendships occurred AFTER high school? During middle school/high school, I would tend to agree that it would be nigh-well impossible to maintain a platonic friendship with a member of the opposite sex because one's hormones are raging out of control during that time and even if one party is fine with a non-romantic relationship situation, I would think it would be very difficult for the other party to maintain, or vice-versa. My own example earlier about my friend Julie occurred when I was 23 and she was 22; both of us well out of high school and all that implies. High School, I think, is the last vestiges of a barbaric tribal caste system, where the main goal is survival to graduation, when life truly begins for 90% of its participants and the other 10% live off of their "glory days" in that bullpen. Anyway, just curious as to thoughts on this.

Saz, as almost always you are right on target on this one. While it is possible for guys and gals to get a long as friends in middle and high school, it's far easier to be friends as an adult. At least thats been my experience. I never had a girl "friend" in high school and really when I look back on it, I probably missed on a lot by not having one. I have come to value those relationships now though!!!

Lioness OTP is right on with his advice. In most situations where friends are involved that's the best way to handle it, especially if you value that friendship. Don't let it fester. Also keep in mind, most of the time, a man will take the high road and brush it off. But it can hurt his ego (Our egos are troubly fragile things). So be gentle about it.


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Sir Taliesin



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