As If I Needed Permission To Drink

RudeDawg · 07-03-2001, 02:07 AM

I'm thinking of submitting this to Forbes Magazine:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and
when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that
are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained by the
regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the
human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which
the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that
while alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate
the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster more efficient
machine. The result of this in depth study verifies and validates the causal
link between all weekend parties and job related performance. It also
explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting
married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new
graduates.

Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic
consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve
during their college years. This is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, We must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint.

Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny
yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be
all that you can be.

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

RudeDawg · 07-03-2001, 02:12 AM

DEEP DRINKING THOUGHTS

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his friends. --Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. --Anonymous

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. --Anonymous

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. --Anonymous

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Anonymous

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven.... --Brian O'Rourke

He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer he world. --Kaiser Wilhelm

I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson

------------------

The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
"Let them come, Let them ALL come."
-"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

Redblueflare · 07-20-2001, 03:24 PM

I get the point RudeDawg. I might have a tiny sip of alcohol before I die.

------------------
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

Grand-Ranger · 07-20-2001, 03:40 PM

BRO!

Good to cya back and great and funny post as always. I think Forbes Mag. would enjoy it.

------------------

So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

Lord of Alcohol · 07-20-2001, 06:09 PM

Wow! Excellent post RudeDawg. I wholeheartedly agree and will keep agreeing for the rest of the evening, and tomorrow evening, etc!

Sazerac · 07-20-2001, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Grand-Ranger:
BRO!

Good to cya back and great and funny post as always. I think Forbes Mag. would enjoy it.

Actually, I don't think he's back yet, GR...the post was originally made on July 3. Hopefully RudeDawg will be back online soon and with us again.

Fljotsdale · 07-20-2001, 07:43 PM

Yeah, I've been missing him... glad someone posted on this and bumped it up!

------------------

Ladyzekke · 07-20-2001, 08:16 PM

LOL RudeDawg!! Well, I'll have a drink tonight then, for my "best interests" LOL

Hey, feel smarter already!

In with the good, out with the bad! Survival of the Fittest! Errr... yeah..

Grand-Ranger · 07-20-2001, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sazerac:

Actually, I don't think he's back yet, GR...the post was originally made on July 3. Hopefully RudeDawg will be back online soon and with us again.

LOL!

Oh yeah didnt check the date..

------------------

So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

Cloudbringer · 07-20-2001, 10:43 PM

He's not back. False alarm everyone.

CB

------------------

Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever
"To sleep, perchance to dream..."

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07-03-2001, 02:07 AM	#1
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	I'm thinking of submitting this to Forbes Magazine: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster more efficient machine. The result of this in depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years. This is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, We must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be. ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-03-2001, 02:12 AM	#2
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	DEEP DRINKING THOUGHTS I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his friends. --Ernest Hemingway Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean Martin Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. --Anonymous Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. --Anonymous A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --Anonymous What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. --Anonymous Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Anonymous I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven.... --Brian O'Rourke He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer he world. --Kaiser Wilhelm I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson ------------------ The RudeDawg, known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes "Let them come, Let them ALL come." -"Ender says, 'The enemy is down.' "

07-20-2001, 03:24 PM	#3
Redblueflare Galvatron Join Date: May 9, 2001 Location: The backwoods in Georgia sigh Age: 39 Posts: 2,151	I get the point RudeDawg. I might have a tiny sip of alcohol before I die. ------------------ Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

07-20-2001, 03:40 PM	#4
Grand-Ranger Galvatron Join Date: March 29, 2001 Location: Everywhere I wanna go its already where I am,cause I am already there Posts: 2,130	BRO! Good to cya back and great and funny post as always. I think Forbes Mag. would enjoy it. ------------------ So if in the forest look behind you, because that where the ranger is going to be

07-20-2001, 06:09 PM	#5
Lord of Alcohol Xanathar Thieves Guild Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Charlotte,NC Age: 60 Posts: 4,570	Wow! Excellent post RudeDawg. I wholeheartedly agree and will keep agreeing for the rest of the evening, and tomorrow evening, etc!

07-20-2001, 07:43 PM	#7
Fljotsdale Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England Age: 87 Posts: 2,859	Yeah, I've been missing him... glad someone posted on this and bumped it up! ------------------

07-20-2001, 08:16 PM	#8
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	LOL RudeDawg!! Well, I'll have a drink tonight then, for my "best interests" LOL Hey, feel smarter already! In with the good, out with the bad! Survival of the Fittest! Errr... yeah..

07-20-2001, 10:43 PM	#10
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	He's not back. False alarm everyone. CB ------------------ Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan Storm-Queen StormCloud of the Black Knight: Heart Mind Soul Forever "To sleep, perchance to dream..."

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