Something stupid, by yours truly

[GoblinZ]

I suppose it didn´t turn out as funny as the mental image i was having.
Oh well, such is the way of the brain fart.


************************************************** **************************
************************************************** **************************
************************************************** **************************


Two dark figures were sneaking in a gloomy hallway. The other was short and the other was tall. The short one had a beard and the tall one had pointy ears.
Well the pointy eared one wasn´t not all that tall, really, only compared to the gnome skulking beside him.
The short bearded gnome was dressed in leather, and was carrying an large amount of small metallic tools in his many pockets, the elf was dressed in black leather and was carrying two wax coated, cylinder shaped, sealed clay pots, about the size of two severed humanoid heads, one on each shoulder.

The elf was the first to open his mouth.
Whispering with an barely audible voice, he addressed the gnome:

"Are you certain this´ll work?"

"Are you doubdting my genius?" The gnome replied, and let out an somewhat inane chuckle.

"Seriously, Jan... This is the first time i´m hoping you´d have a story of some of your relatives trying out these inventions of yours, or maybe getting blown up in the process... Yeah, that´d be good too..."

The gnome let out another silent chuckle, still loud enough to echo eerily in the darkness.
The elf kept badgering:

"Have you even done any testing with these yourself? I mean, for all i know, these..."

The elf was silenced by an SHHHHH! sound coming from between his shorter companion's teeth.
The two snuck forward in silence, the only sound being that of pebbles being accidentally kicked around by the padded leather boots of the adventurers.
Descending a broad flight of stairs, the comrades entered an dirt-floored large hall with surreally shaped light blue walls.
At the center of the cavern lay a huge red lizard with it´s wings spread out, it´s loud snoring shaking the floor and making an gray curtain of dust rain down from the roof hidden somewhere in the darkness above.

The two adventurers soon stood near the slumbering dragons head.
The elf put down the pair of clay cylinders he was carrying, and dug up an folding spear of gnomish design from his backpack.
While the elf unfolded the spear and tightened it´s bolts to prevent the joints from bending under pressure, Jan poured turnip oil on the wax coated mystery packages.
After finishing with oiling the clay cylinders, Jan took one up and carefully placed it inside the dragon´s left nostril.

"Are you ready?" He asked with an excited grin on his silly looking bearded face.

Nervously the elf nodded, and started slowly prodding the oiled package deeper into the nostril with the spear.

The gnome spoke out his thoughts: "These nostrils are bigger than i thought..."

The elf looked at him even more nervous than before, but resumed his work, there was no time to waste.

"Hmmm... Have i told you the story of my great grand uncle's brothers niece who accidentally hid her turnip storage in a dragon's nos..."

The gnome was rewarded with an angry look from the elf, who just had finished with the first of the plumbings, and was now lifting up the second clay pot, and starting to work it further into the dragons head with his full-metal spear.

The gnome grinned to himself, and quickly made his way back to the staircase and sat down, waiting for the elf to finish his work.
And soon enough they were both sitting on the stairs, the other excited, the other horrified.

Jan exclaimed cheerfully: "Well now, old boy, this is it!"

The elf stood up and forced an smile. He looked around, and found an suitable sized rock.
He picked it up, took a deep breath and a last look at his maniacally grinning companion, and threw the rock, hitting the sleeping beauty right in the eyelid.

The dragon´s snoring halted, and it´s eyelids slid aside, revealing it´s deep yellow lizard eyes, larger than a man´s fist they were.
Scanning the cavern with his eyes and trying sniff the air, the dragon slowly stood up on his hind legs.
Noticing the two small pests sitting on his porch, he spoke in a bored, unintrested voice:

"Mekhazzio, why are you bothering me again?" Without waiting for an reply, he continued: "I thought we had a deal."

"Oh, uhm... We have come to hide you!" The elf shout in an shaky voice, thinking to himself: "Yesah... that´s the ticket..."

"Did i mishear you? You have come to hide FROM me? Or did i truly overestimate your intellect so?" The dragon continued in an slightly amused voice.

Jan stepped in, hiding hysteria under his maniacal grin as he often did: "We hereby challenge ye, wyrm, to mortal combat!" With those words he grabbed the folding spear, quickly climbed to sit on Mekhazzios shoulders, and shout "Onwards! my trusty steed!"
Madness WAS indeed polluting: the elf grinned and charged towards the dragon, Jan grabbing his hair with his left hand the the spear with his right.

Firkraarg, the dragon, what with his day dreamings interrupted, was by now getting annoyed with the display, and muttered under his in-drawn breath: "And i challenge you to barbecue!"

Much to the dragon's surprise, his mighty breath of fire wouldn´t just get out of his nostrils. He drew another breath, thinking "Must be a bad flu i´m having...", but it didn´t help, instead the heat broke the clay pots jamming his nostrils, exposing the highly combustible turnip powder inside...

The next thing the adventurers remembered was prancing around hysterically in a rain of dragon chunks and blood, their hysterical laughter echoing all the way to the ears of Garren Windspear.
And the old man knew, that finally he could sleep with his eyes shut.


Note: Don´t bother with any typos you find, t'is merely a brainfart and i am not getting my brain all smelly fixing it. ^^

[ 07-23-2005, 03:12 AM: Message edited by: GoblinZ ]

[Marty4]

DANG I wish it would be that easy in the game!

Nice piece of writing, that's exactly the way Jan would handle a situation like that. He's got to be my favorite character of the game.

Funny, and well made.

[GoblinZ]

Hehheh, thanks. ^^

I might be writing more rule-breaking insanity someday, i´ll just have to figure how i´ll make it an even remotely intresting event when an wizard piks up poor Brus, tosses him at Cohrnvale and makes a run for it to avoid a fight.

*evil grin*

Erhm...

[ 07-22-2005, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: GoblinZ ]

[shamrock_uk]

Loving it [img]smile.gif[/img] Well done!

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

Originally posted by Marty4: DANG I wish it would be that easy in the game!

It is.

[Duagloth Duskryn]

yea, Ian is a cool/funny/strange character

Nice story

[GoblinZ]

Lower resistance + 3x Horrid Wilting = Dead Dragon?

Intresting...

[Neo the Warrior Cat]

Of course, an even cheaper combo is MultiClassed Cleric casts Magic Resistance, then you have a mage cast lower resistance, then all you have is one big target.

Now that just turns dragons into mush. (Firkraag fell to many a Melf's Acid Arrow that day)

[Pop 'n Fresh]

Great work! How can he sniff the air when he's got 2 pots jammed up his nose??

Very good story i must admit.

[GoblinZ]

Hrahhah... Thx, gotta fix that... [img]tongue.gif[/img]