News: Newly Out Gay Man Overdoes It

[Timber Loftis]

PENSACOLA, FL—Calling his flamboyant air and effeminate mannerisms "a bit forced," friends of recently out-of-the-closet homosexual Mark Glynn, 23, say he's overdoing it.


Above: Glynn rollerblades in one of his new ensembles.
"When Mark first told us he was gay, everybody was totally cool with it," longtime friend Rich Eddy said. "We figured he'd basically be the same old Mark, except he'd be dating guys. Boy, were we wrong."

Though Glynn's friends expected him to become comfortable and open with his sexuality, they did not expect him to go to such great lengths to proclaim his preference for men at every conceivable turn.

"We just figured he'd start saying stuff to us at bars like, 'Check out that cute guy's butt,'" Eddy said. "But he takes pains to telegraph his gayness 24 hours a day. Last night, a bunch of us were talking about what's going on with Bush and Iraq, when, out of nowhere, he says, 'You know what Bush needs? A good a**-f***ing [edited upon suggestion]. That'd relax him.' It's like, 'Okay, Mark, we get it already—you're gay.'"

Continued Eddy: "It's like he's scared that if he doesn't wear hot pants and say 'You go, girl!' a lot, somebody might think he's straight."

Lydia Richter, another longtime friend of Glynn's, has also noticed the change.

"We can't have a conversation without him mentioning some aspect of gay culture," Richter said. "No matter what it is—art, comedy, movies, restaurants, philosophy—he goes off on how it affects him as a gay man. Mark, we've accepted that you like the dick, so just shut up and be gay already."

Even Andrew Storch, a gay coworker of Glynn's who recently went on several dates with him, said Glynn is "laying on the gay a little heavy."

"After Mark came out, he said he'd been attracted to me for a long time," Storch said. "We went out a few times, but he constantly acted like he had something to prove. Everywhere he went, he was mincing around like RuPaul at Wigstock. And, Lord, you should have seen the shoes he was wearing on our second date. I realize he's excited about being out of the closet, but you don't have to make up for those lost years of gayness all at once."

Added Storch: "I hope I wasn't like that when I came out."

Of all the aspects of Glynn's life, friends say his wardrobe has undergone the most drastic change. Instead of wearing khakis and understated dress shirts, Glynn now opts for brightly patterned sleeveless T-shirts and tight short-shorts.

"Two weeks after he came out, he showed up at a party in little pink biker shorts and an open button-down shirt with nothing on underneath," Eddy said. "This is a guy who once said wearing blue jeans made him feel 'weird.' Now, he says he's saving up to buy a whole leather get-up with harnesses and metal studs. I don't know where he got the idea that real gay people actually wear that stuff in their daily lives."

Glynn has adopted a number of other stereotypically gay affectations, including finger-snapping, a "swishy" walk, and calling everyone "sweetie" or "girlfriend."

"I guess he's picking it up from some of the gay guys he meets when he goes out, but it's just not him," Storch said. "A few times, I've actually caught him doing the limp-wrist thing. All that's missing is the lisp."

Even Glynn's drinking habits have taken on a gay tone.

"Mark used to be a single-malt scotch drinker," Eddy said. "Now it's Cosmos or Mai Tais. I didn't realize that liking men altered your taste buds."

According to Dirk Yunger, author of You're Here, You're Queer, Get Used To It: The New Millennium Guide To Coming Out Of The Closet, it is common for "late bloomers" like Glynn to over-embrace homosexuality.

"Mark has been hiding his true sexuality for so long, he can't help but want to shout it out to the world," Yunger said. "His friends should give him time to figure out how his newfound sexual openness will fit into his larger persona. Eventually, he will level out and become more like the Mark they used to know. In the meantime, his friends will have to endure a lot of annoying conversations about 14-inch dildos and what he'd like to do to Rupert Everett. Christ, I don't envy them."

[ 10-10-2002, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: Timber Loftis ]

[the sauceman]

I can handle someone being gay, but going WAAAAY over the top like that......
Thats just plain nasty!

[Horatio]

especially if it's not them

[Yorick]

Interesting. Kind of like the opposite of a hetrosexual homophobic person.

Both seem insecure.

Nothing wrong with a totally straight male thinking another man is attractive, or feeling comfortable with ones 'feminine side'; and there's nothing wrong with a gay male thinking a woman is attractive or being comfortable with ones 'inner hetromale'.

It's about balance, love of self, and acceptance of complexity. Rather than controlling or acting on every urge or inclination. That's my take on it.

I really have to quit reading this stuff at lunchtime... my boss is wondering why I'm laying on the keyboard laughing like a fool... that was a hoot, Timber, thanks.

[Timber Loftis]

Oh, Yorick, quit being coy and go ahead and out yourself.

[johnny]

Let's just hope G. Bush doesn't read this thread.

[Rokenn]

The Onion is great [img]smile.gif[/img]

American People Shrug, Line Up For Fingerprinting
WASHINGTON, DC—Assuming that there must be a good reason for the order, U.S. citizens lined up at elementary schools and community centers across the nation Monday for government-mandated fingerprinting. "I'm not exactly sure what this is all about," said Ft. Smith, AR, resident Meredith Lovell while waiting in line. "But given all the crazy stuff that's going on these days, I'm sure the government has a very good reason." Said Amos Hawkins, a Rockford, IL, delivery driver: "I guess this is another thing they have to do to ensure our freedom."

[ 10-10-2002, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: Rokenn ]

[/)eathKiller]

LOL... If a person ends up staying in a state like that for at least a year, THEN i'd consider them crazy [img]tongue.gif[/img] Sheesh! If everyone else mellows out about somehting like that, why must the person always make it dramatic? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Sir Kenyth]

[img]graemlins/saywhat.gif[/img] Riiiiiggggghhhhhhhttttttt............. Um, whatever....... as long as he keeps his sword swallower act out of my face, he'll do just fine.