Why I Don't Like Cats

Arvon · 01-02-2004, 01:34 PM

Feline Philosophy

Oh great Sirs and Madams of furball gathering, below is the condensed version of the Cat Philosophy Handbook:

1. Life is hard then you nap.

2. When in doubt, cop an attitude.

3. Never sleep alone, when you can sleep on someone's face.

4. Variety is the spice of life.

5. On day one ignore humans, on day two annoy them

6. Make your mark in this world, or at least spray in every corner.

7. Curiosity has never killed anything, except a few hours.

8. As you go out into the world, remember... being placed on a pedestal is not a priveledge, it is a right.

9. The SOLE purpose of humans on earth is to provide, food, shelter, grooming, warmth, affection, snacks, rubs, scratches, and monetary support of our wills, whims, needs, fancies, lusts, and desires.

10. Any human found not complying to item #9 shall be scratched, sprayed, bugged, harrased, rubbed, annoyed, awoken, and otherwise bothered until compliance is attained.

Bozos of Bones · 01-02-2004, 02:14 PM

Don't show this to Ziroc, he'll hang you.

Well good sh**!

Lord · 01-02-2004, 02:16 PM

*cowers after reading the post*

Ziroc, Arvon was only kidding, I swear it! He loooooves cats. Right Arvon?

*bows to the meow* [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Xen · 01-02-2004, 02:54 PM

Now taht was funny! Now baricade your house before [img]graemlins/choc.gif[/img] will pay you a visit.

spydar · 01-03-2004, 04:41 PM

thats why you don't like cats?? that why I LOVE them. dogs require too much maintenance, whereas a cat could care less if you're there or not, as long as you comply with item 9.

I miss my purdy little kitten-kat (who goes by many names including kitten-poo, poo-kitten, and poo-kat) I had to move 8 hours away from her, and couldn't bring her with me cause she'd end up on Crowchild Trail (a main road here).

Raistlin Majere · 01-03-2004, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Arvon:
3. Never sleep alone, when you can sleep on someone's face.

OH GOD, this cracked me up!

edit: oh my, i leveled up!

[ 01-03-2004, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: Raistlin Majere ]

SomeGuy · 01-03-2004, 08:07 PM

*cries* I wish I had a fluffy wuffy kitty witty! [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img]

Cloudbringer · 01-03-2004, 08:09 PM

*pets her felines while they purr prettily and plot the overthrow of civilization* [img]graemlins/kittynow.gif[/img]

hehe

spydar · 01-03-2004, 09:59 PM

here's a thought: all truly great villains had cats. Dr Evil had one, and Don Corleone had one (thats if you consider him a villain [img]tongue.gif[/img] ). do I detect a pattern? could it be that behind my cat's beautiful green eyes is the mind of an evil genius?? I can only hope

[ 01-03-2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: spydar ]

Firetoad · 01-03-2004, 11:29 PM

I like cats, but mine always tend to be suicidal. Has anyone ever had 4 cats run over in a month, followed by 2 more that died very mysterious deaths? The one I have now is absolutly black and very strong and healthy but with my luck it will drink a bottle of Windex and then throw up in my shoes before dying.

01-02-2004, 01:34 PM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Feline Philosophy Oh great Sirs and Madams of furball gathering, below is the condensed version of the Cat Philosophy Handbook: 1. Life is hard then you nap. 2. When in doubt, cop an attitude. 3. Never sleep alone, when you can sleep on someone's face. 4. Variety is the spice of life. 5. On day one ignore humans, on day two annoy them 6. Make your mark in this world, or at least spray in every corner. 7. Curiosity has never killed anything, except a few hours. 8. As you go out into the world, remember... being placed on a pedestal is not a priveledge, it is a right. 9. The SOLE purpose of humans on earth is to provide, food, shelter, grooming, warmth, affection, snacks, rubs, scratches, and monetary support of our wills, whims, needs, fancies, lusts, and desires. 10. Any human found not complying to item #9 shall be scratched, sprayed, bugged, harrased, rubbed, annoyed, awoken, and otherwise bothered until compliance is attained. __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

01-02-2004, 02:14 PM	#2
Bozos of Bones Apophis Join Date: July 29, 2003 Location: The Underdark cavern of Zagreb Age: 37 Posts: 4,679	Don't show this to Ziroc, he'll hang you. Well good sh**! __________________ MAKE LOVE, NOT SPAM!

01-02-2004, 02:16 PM	#3
Lord Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: June 3, 2003 Location: New York Age: 39 Posts: 3,302	cowers after reading the post Ziroc, Arvon was only kidding, I swear it! He loooooves cats. Right Arvon? bows to the meow [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ "You're a thief and a liar." "No, I only lied about being a thief."

01-03-2004, 04:41 PM	#5
spydar Avatar Join Date: March 6, 2003 Location: my parlour Age: 40 Posts: 510	thats why you don't like cats?? that why I LOVE them. dogs require too much maintenance, whereas a cat could care less if you're there or not, as long as you comply with item 9. I miss my purdy little kitten-kat (who goes by many names including kitten-poo, poo-kitten, and poo-kat) I had to move 8 hours away from her, and couldn't bring her with me cause she'd end up on Crowchild Trail (a main road here). __________________ \"One short sleep past, we wake eternally, and Death shall be no more- Death thou shalt die.\" -John Donne

01-03-2004, 08:07 PM	#7
SomeGuy Unicorn Join Date: May 14, 2002 Location: Oklahoma, USA Age: 33 Posts: 4,238	cries I wish I had a fluffy wuffy kitty witty! [img]graemlins/crying.gif[/img] __________________ \"I firmly believe that any man\'s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious.\"<br />-Vince Lombardi

01-02-2004, 02:54 PM	#4
Xen Symbol of Moradin Join Date: June 5, 2002 Location: Slovenia,Ljubljana Age: 36 Posts: 8,554	Now taht was funny! Now baricade your house before [img]graemlins/choc.gif[/img] will pay you a visit.

01-03-2004, 08:09 PM	#8
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	pets her felines while they purr prettily and plot the overthrow of civilization [img]graemlins/kittynow.gif[/img] hehe __________________ "Don't take life for granted." Animal (may he rest in peace)

01-03-2004, 09:59 PM	#9
spydar Avatar Join Date: March 6, 2003 Location: my parlour Age: 40 Posts: 510	here's a thought: all truly great villains had cats. Dr Evil had one, and Don Corleone had one (thats if you consider him a villain [img]tongue.gif[/img] ). do I detect a pattern? could it be that behind my cat's beautiful green eyes is the mind of an evil genius?? I can only hope [ 01-03-2004, 09:59 PM: Message edited by: spydar ] __________________ \"One short sleep past, we wake eternally, and Death shall be no more- Death thou shalt die.\" -John Donne

01-03-2004, 11:29 PM	#10
Firetoad Dungeon Master Join Date: August 17, 2003 Location: yahoo.com Age: 38 Posts: 76	I like cats, but mine always tend to be suicidal. Has anyone ever had 4 cats run over in a month, followed by 2 more that died very mysterious deaths? The one I have now is absolutly black and very strong and healthy but with my luck it will drink a bottle of Windex and then throw up in my shoes before dying.

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