Charlies Shop of Shite is Open.. ITEM SPOILERS

[Charlie]

Hmmm, Turbovee.

You were extremely late in and made a shite job of clearing up the shite potion spillage of yours...I'm almost impressed. You've obviously got yourself well bladdered on the Lord of Alcohols brew there and this has rendered you completely shite at dealing with customers on anything even remotely resembling a decent level.....again...nearly impressive. One small mistake, you've thrown out the large sack of goblin droppings...These were a never sought after unsellable, frivolous luxury item that took pride of place in my emporium of incredibly useless shite and...eh,..oh.....apologies....Turdo the turpid Troll was apparently peckish this morning...anyway, don't let it happen again.

Ladyzekke.

Could you pop the fungicidal fridge remnants round to me, I got a pizza customer waiting and I need to drop it round to his prison cell within a day or two.....nothing like a bit of shite service.

[turbovee]

Bossman, Some guy brought in a gembag with a hole in the bottom. I tried to fill it with my stomach contents after I drank too much of LoA's brew, but all it did was leak out through the bottom. I had to throw out the goblin droppings, Dunger hulks (umber hulk subspecies that seeks out and eats dung)kept coming in the shop and trying to eat everything else. I was mearly trying to save the other items.

Some other guy threatened to break both my legs if I didn't get you to send him e-mail for some multiplayer game he was trying to set up with you.

[Lucre]

Jus gettin it to page 1 cos its f*****g funny.

Now that I have finally quit laughing me head off. I did quit drinking coffee before I spit it across the room. I would like to make a bid. I am interested in your Shadow Dragon Wardstone. I have some little goblins running around so maybe I can use it for throwing. I will swap it for a bottle of some really nice, tasty, rare 2 week old formula. It is a little chunky going down but I think it will do. You did say that you would swap it for anything. If you have any other stones or gems that I may use to throw, let me know and I can probably hook you up with some more bottles or just the formula. I have not found out what the formula can do. I noticed that the light gem was already taken. That's what I get for being late.

Agreed, BUMP!!!

[Charlie]

draconia, nearly missed you there.

Aah yes, the Dragon Wardstones, splendid choice if I may say so madam. We only had 10 of these in stock and they're such a popular item that 9 went within years of their arrival. I believe those 9 can still be found at the feet of a rather large and fearsome dragon somewhere...along with the charred remnants of the original purchasers. These Wardstones come with a cast iron guarantee, your money back if they fail to live up to their staggeringly shite reputation. No-one has ever claimed their money back as yet so one can only concur that they have been an overwhelming success...at least for me with the loot in my pocket.

I understand that you are not going to use this item for its intended purpose, and let's face it, what person in their right mind would?...Beats me everytime!!

This does lead one into a small dilemma. It is a distinct possibility that the trading standards people could come down on me for selling you an item which, if incorrectly used could prove highly dangerous. Accepted, whichever use you put it to will never in a million years be even as remotely dangerous as using it for its intended purpose... but that's beuracrats for you. It is therefore my deep regret and your very good fortune that I am unable to rip you clean off at this time concerning this item.

However, it is my understanding that you are after a throwing implement for that ever so annoying noisy Goblin problem. I have just the thing in stock at the moment to deal with this irritation. Namely our very own line in -15 lead bullets. They weigh in at around seventy eight pounds each and whilst they can neither be used in a sling nor thrown in any sense of the word they can be slowly rolled in the general direction of the troublesome Goblins to absolutely shite effect. Your original offer will unfortunately have to be revised as it appears that said formula is edible, and whilst it may be unapparent as to the effects of said formula, unless death ensues it must be assumed that bowel motions may take place and this, although causing the severest of shites could be construed as useful to someone in desperate need of one.

Thanks for your interest.

DISCLAIMER - 100% shite quality -15 lead bullets are prone to severe rusting.

Well Charlie, I will take some of those lead bullets. I do have to find a way to get those noisy goblins quieted down. If you are unsure of the formula, I also have goblin droppings. I read that you lost the goblin droppings that you had in your store. Well, since I do have goblins, I might be able to replace them for you. Do we have a trade? I do have to say that my face hurts from laughing so hard. This is great fun.

Oh kind and fair keeper,
i seek your wares,
them which interest me,
are Melthids Harp,
die Staff und Pipe,
for they would suit me,
In exchange I grant,
you a collection of,
dragon dectors,
these lengths of wood,
when a dragon be near,
turn to charcoal, you see,
or perhaps mordron toy,
ment to open a gate,
but fails in this plane.

btw, do you do this for a living or somthing, super matrial.

[Bahamut]

Dammit! Im dead drunk! You have an alternative for the waveshaft?

[newbie]

charlie, not that i am the one who stole it, but i happen to have the shadow thief cellar key, which is now irreprably attached to the totally broken and shite door latch to my shadow cellar laundry room. i will throw in a slightly regurgitated hairball for the crystal shard, as i have a tiffany lamp that would be total shite without it.