One chip short of a motherboard?

[Donut]

I saw someone described like this on another board and though I would list a few one line put downs. I love the last one!

One sandwich short of a picnic.
One brick short of a load.
One egg short of an omelet.
One pickle short of a barrel.
One neuron short of a synapse.
The light is on, but nobody is home.
The elevator doesn't go to the top floor.
The last 10 pages are blank.
There's nothing in the attic but cobwebs.
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Not the brightest penny in the purse.
Not the brightest crayon in the box.
Not the brightest bulb on the tree.
If brains were dynamite, she would not have enough to sneeze.
If brains were money, she couldn't change a nickel.
If brains were taxed, she would get a refund.
If brains were lead, she would blow away.
If brains were wood, her pet termite would starve.
If brains were muscles, 98-pound weaklings would be kicking sand in HER face.
If brains were gold, she wouldn't have enough to fill a tooth - on a mouse.
If brains were gasoline, she wouldn't have enough to get her motorcycle out of the garage.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
The tank is empty, the battery is dead, the driveshaft has rusted through.
The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but there is no train.
The starting gate is open, but she's still asking directions.
Donated her brain to science before she was done using it.
Donated her brain to science. Science sent it back.
Donated her brain to science. They thought it was a new strain of bacterium.
Bright as Thule in December.
Bright as a coalbin at midnight.
Bright as a flashlight after 5 years in a drawer.
Bright as sunlight glinting off a charcoal briquet.
Bright as a baby firefly.
Sharp as a blimp.
Sharp as a marshmallow.
Sharp as a cotton puff.
As useless as a camera without film.
As useless as a bike without wheels.
As useless as a bucket without a bottom.
As useless as an axe without a handle.
As useless as a lock without a door.
Thinks the phone book is idiotic. It takes so many hours to reach the name you want.
Thinks "Middle East" means Virginia and Maryland.
Thinks "Middle East" means Michigan and Arizona.
Thinks "Red China" means dishes.
Thinks Latin Americans speak Latin.
Thinks Latin Americans come from Latvia.
If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
Depriving a village somewhere of its idiot.
When they handed out brains, thought they said "drains" and didn't want one.
If she were any dimmer, she'd have to be watered twice a week.
The last one out of the starting gate.
Gets the left glove on the left hand on the second or third try.
Nearly starved to death following the instructions "Lather, rinse, repeat."
A 6-pack of brains, but without the plastic net to hold them together.
Always the last to laugh.
Has no communicable ideas.
Is reality impaired.
The brightness knob is set to low.
On the road of life she's the one going the other way.
Her ignorance is exceeded only by her stupidity.
Still trying to figure out that one about the chicken and the road.
Out of her depth in a wading pool.
Awed by the brilliance of [Harry on Third Rock, Big Bird, Urkel].
Has yet to master the soup spoon.
Favorite show? Barney.
Prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Poster boy for the Alzheimer's Foundation.
Her brain is so powerful no thoughts can penetrate.
Fell out of the family tree.
Gets lost in an empty closet.
Keeps repeating, "Socks first, then shoes."
The glow of her intellect wouldn't light the inside of a thimble.
Bacteria outscore her on IQ tests.
The reason that siblings shouldn't marry.
Never sure which side of the penny is "heads."
That lightbulb above her head? No filament.
Couldn't empty water out of a bucket with the instructions printed on the bottom.
Always laughs before the punchline.
She is to intellect what warthogs are to beauty.
Takes an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
Should not be allowed to breed.
Has a brand new brain. It's never been used.
Cruises the misinformation superhighway.
Had to repeat kindergarten. Twice.
Half her brain is missing, the other half is out looking for it.
A 20-watt intellect.
A room temperature IQ.
You've heard of "one brick short of a load?" She's one load short of a load.
Always amazed by that quarter-behind-the-ear trick.
A catalogue of her intellectual accomplishments would be shorter than this sentence.
Not just a has-been, but also a won't be.
When the other kids laughed at her, joined in.
Runs with scissors, plays with matches, stays out in the rain.
Has the intellect of a young pea.
Always takes 3 tries to match up the buttons and buttonholes.
A perfectly good brain is going unused.
Is so dense, light bends around her.
Has the cranial capacity of a gnat.
Has the wit of a twit.
Loves opera, but is always shocked when the dead villain appears for the curtain call.
Sets minimal goals and consistently fails to achieve them.
Is delighted that George Bush is back for a second term.
Has delusions of adequacy.
Drank from the Fountain of Knowledge, hated the taste, spit it out.
Half the time gets her shirt on backwards, the other half gets her head through the armhole.
Has a photographic memory, with no film and the lens cap glued on.
Started at rock bottom and went downhill from there.
When she shakes her head you can hear her brain rattle like a pebble in a tin bucket.
Hates that cotton in pill bottles. It's so hard to swallow.
Hits her thumb with the hammer on each downswing, her head on each upswing.
There are rocks with more impressive accomplishments.
If you put your ear to her head, you can hear the ocean.
Her shoe size, her hat size and her IQ, all the same number.
With training could be a good paperweight.
When they circumcised him, they threw away the wrong part.
Those freckles on her face? Rust leaking out of her ears.
So dull she couldn't cut warm butter.
Even a firefly is brighter.
Doesn't believe any of that "smoking is bad for you" hooey.
A gross ignoramus, 144 times as dim as an ordinary ignoramus.
Just fell off the turnip truck.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard was asleep.
The end-product of 100 generations of inbreeding.
Eukaryotic, possibly diploid.
Read this post Kept saying, "Yup, yup, yup, ..."

[ 05-08-2003, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Donut ]

[Ramon de Ramon y Ramon]

yup,yup,yupydeedup.

[Cloudbringer]

HAHAHAHA [img]graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] Wheel....hamster....attic ...cobwebs....sunlight...charcoal..... [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

*laughing too hard to post more*

[Kaltia]

Yeah, yeah, totally agree...hey, waitjustastinkin'minute!

[Timber Loftis]

I think it was Horation who posted my all-time favorite over at Oasis:

One spam short of a Nessie. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by Timber Loftis: I think it was Horation who posted my all-time favorite over at Oasis: One spam short of a Nessie. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

ROTFL! I love that one! But uh...dont' let Lioness hear it.

[WillowIX]

I have to print this page. This could come in handy.

I think it was Horatio who posted my all-time favorite over at Oasis: One spam short of a Nessie.

LMAO! Classic!

[Ramon de Ramon y Ramon]

Originally posted by Timber Loftis: I think it was Horation who posted my all-time favorite over at Oasis: One spam short of a Nessie. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Dear Mr Timber Loftis,

as a man of the law, I am sure you have a penchant for precision. I must therefore remind you that you are slightly off the mark here. All the expressions so diligently compiled by Mr. Dounut above are meant to - primarily - describe a person's lack of intellectual brilliance - and also the resulting lack of common sense and proper judgement.

While our furry-hipped young friend might ocassionally have exhibited a lack of judgement in her overindulgence in posting activity here, I am absolutely certain that you will agree with me that can in no way be attributed to a lack of intellectual capacity on her part.

Respectfully yours,

Ramon³

[img]smile.gif[/img]

[wellard]

Originally posted by Timber Loftis: I think it was Horation who posted my all-time favorite over at Oasis: One spam short of a Nessie. [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img] I was going to mention that one [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

And an Australian one for the list... A roo loose in the top paddock [img]graemlins/heee.gif[/img]

[Davros]

Aye Ramon I would have to back you up there - sharp indeed is oor Miss Spamalot - she kens a great many things, sa it wid'na do ta underestimate oor clever Nessie [img]smile.gif[/img] She's a handy nab at a' them riddles n puzzle n stuuuuf, and a right level headed lassie to boot [img]smile.gif[/img]