Cloudy's Cafe- a conversation zone 4-15-03

[harleyquinn]

Originally posted by Kzonon: Just want to know how people feel about this.... Is it worse to be alone or to be in a 'less than ideal' relationship? I know there is a group of people out there who say "Never Settle" and then there are other who say being alone is the worst. I think I'm of the latter group but I'd like to see what others have to say.....and yes, this is my current predicament. Michael

Well, it depends on what "less than ideal" means. If it means that everything's not perfect and that you're not happy ALL the time with eachother (as opposed to the majority of the time), then that's what a real relationship is, not always perfect because people aren't perfect. Cat's are, right Choc, but not people.
If that's not what you mean, then I think you need to ask yourself why you're in a relationship that you're not happy with. Is the issue(s) something that you and your partner can work on improving together (with or without help)? If so, then that might be worth persuing. If it's not something you can work through and you're not happy in the relationship, then, in my opinion, why persue it? The best thing I ever did for myself was leave a bad 2+ year relationship and go out on my own. It was hard and scary at first, but I had good friends who kept me busy so my mind didn't have too much time to dwell. Before I knew it, I was happy, even though I was alone, and before long after that, I was in a happy relationship.
Honestly, the whole thing is something you'll need to decide for yourself, since it is your life, but take it as an opportunity to take a good look at yourself and decide what you truly want and then take actions to get it!!

Good luck!!!

[Sir Krustin]

Speaking of cats, I thought I'd relate a cat funny from last night.

I was at a friends place, his wife has a cat we call "hell kitty" because it's so neurotic (it could purr one minute and scratch your hand off the next). We were sitting around the computer printing some stuff off and one of my buddies "gassed" so I reach over and open the window. Next thing I know this grey blur dives over my buddies shoulder out of nowhere and makes a bid for freedom through the window, which is too narrow for the cat to get through.

Unfortunately, my arm was in the way. From my pov, my arm sprouted a furry appendage that hissed and snarled. After a few shakes, it hit the floor and went after my buddies foot and drew blood. He promptly raises his chair like a lion tamer and gets the cat out of the room.

It happened too fast to be anything but amused.

We were all sitting around laughing about it for an hour. His wife came home and she sat there wide eyed listening to the story...

[Bungleau]

Originally posted by Kzonon: Just want to know how people feel about this.... Is it worse to be alone or to be in a 'less than ideal' relationship? I know there is a group of people out there who say "Never Settle" and then there are other who say being alone is the worst. I think I'm of the latter group but I'd like to see what others have to say.....and yes, this is my current predicament. Michael

To me, it comes down to a simple question: Are you content and happy with yourself, or do you need someone else to be complete?

If you think you need someone else to be complete, then you're in trouble. They now control your life, and can put you down when they want to. That relationship can work only if the other person doesn't want to be in control, or if you want to be dominated. And there are folks for whom that's ok.

Willow, shouldn't you be cleaning?

If you're comfortable with yourself, then you're in the best spot to be able to share that with someone else, and the relationship can be much more fulfilling. For both of you...

And let's face it... there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone isn't so bad... I'm alone right now, 'cause everyone else has something to do. But thanks to IW, I'm definitely not lonely

[ 04-16-2003, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: Bungleau ]

[Attalus]

Good morning, all. Willow, don't worry, I stopped with #3 and swiched to Scotch.

Morning All, how is everyone? Ihave a day full of meetings ugh...I get so sleepy at these things .

As to the question about being alone or in a bad relationship...Be alone sheesh, life is too short to bang your head against a wall, At least when you are "alone" , you are free to look for someone who is right for you....at least that is my philosophy. [img]smile.gif[/img] course, it is easy for me to say that, since I am now not alone anymore. [img]smile.gif[/img] But I have been there and done that...(both alone and bad relationship)

[LordKathen]

Goodmorning everyone. Anyone see rupert around here? He ran away last night when he got in trouble!
Bungleau, you hit the mark there. [img]graemlins/awesomework.gif[/img] You need to be content with being alone before you can have a healthy relationship IMHO.
BTW Kzonon, what do you mean by "less than ideal"? There is no such thing as an "ideal" relationship. If you mean abusive, mentally or physically, then you should leave the situation now. Otherwise, If you love this person, there is always going to be less than ideal things to compromise and deal with. Just my two cents here.

[WillowIX]

Originally posted by Attalus: Good morning, all. Willow, don't worry, I stopped with #3 and swiched to Scotch.

LOL Attalus. Then I agree, there is no need to worry. I hope everything went well yesterday. And I hope Galadria is well.

[Stormymystic]

Originally posted by harleyquinn: Quote: Originally posted by Kzonon: Just want to know how people feel about this.... Is it worse to be alone or to be in a 'less than ideal' relationship? I know there is a group of people out there who say "Never Settle" and then there are other who say being alone is the worst. I think I'm of the latter group but I'd like to see what others have to say.....and yes, this is my current predicament. Michael

Well, it depends on what "less than ideal" means. If it means that everything's not perfect and that you're not happy ALL the time with eachother (as opposed to the majority of the time), then that's what a real relationship is, not always perfect because people aren't perfect. Cat's are, right Choc, but not people.
If that's not what you mean, then I think you need to ask yourself why you're in a relationship that you're not happy with. Is the issue(s) something that you and your partner can work on improving together (with or without help)? If so, then that might be worth persuing. If it's not something you can work
through and you're not happy in the relationship, then, in my opinion, why persue it? The best thing I ever did for myself was leave a bad 2+ year relationship and go out on my own. It was hard and scary at first, but I had good friends who kept me busy so my mind didn't have too much time to dwell. Before I knew it, I was happy, even though I was alone, and before long after that, I was in a happy relationship.
Honestly, the whole thing is something you'll need to decide for yourself, since it is your life, but take it as an opportunity to take a good look at yourself and decide what you truly want and then take actions to get it!!

Good luck!!![/QUOTE]I amin a lessthan ideal reltionship, we love each other, but fight over small things, and yell in front of our kids all the time( I know don't say it) but i stay for 3 reasons, 1)scared to be n my own, i am 27 and have never been alone a day in my life 2) i could not bear to take the kids from their father, or be away from them myself, and 3) we love each other, and after we calm down we talk and it gets better

[Stormymystic]

well guys, got to go to yahoo, my unwanted group is messing upand it is up to me to fixit, don't worry not an rpg just a reg talk group

[Timber Loftis]

No relationship is absolutlely ideal. Compromise does not = settling, but rather = being a fair human. That said, one must content with one's self before one is fit for a relationship. Give me another 2-3 years of marriage, and maybe I'll long for a few months alone. [img]tongue.gif[/img] (Not yet, though. )