09-25-2001, 08:23 AM | #31 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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Painters Rule!
A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on the gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When the third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?" He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls." ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 08:40 AM | #32 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
|
> Subject: A BRUNETTE JOKE
> > A young brunette goes into the doctor's office > and tells him that her body > hurts wherever she touches it. > "Impossible," says > the doctor, "show me." > She takes her finger and pushes on > her elbow and screams in agony. She then > pushes on her knee and screams, > pushes on her ankle > and screams...and so it > goes. No matter where she touches, > her agony is apparent. The doctor says, > "you're not really a brunette, are > you? > You're > really a blonde." She > sheepishly admits that indeed she > is a blonde. "I thought so," he says. > "your finger is broken." > ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 12:20 PM | #33 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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> > When white men discovered this country, Indians were running it.
> > > > No Taxes. > > > > No Debt. > > > > Women did most of the work. > > > > Indian men hunted and fished all the time! > > > > White men were dumb enough to think they could improve this system. > ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 12:28 PM | #34 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Quote:
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09-25-2001, 12:29 PM | #35 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. I feel better already. - ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 12:31 PM | #36 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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Subject: New Carpet > > > There's an old lady in the carpet store and she bent over and > > touches the carpet and she farted, When she gets up she notices > > that there is a salesman standing behind her. > > > > She then asks the salesman, "How much is this carpet?" > > > > The salesman replies, "Well, lady...if you farted just touching > > it, you're gonna shit when you hear the price." > > - ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. [This message has been edited by J.J. (edited 09-25-2001).] |
09-25-2001, 12:36 PM | #37 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:
1. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 2. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park." 3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles. 4. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter. 5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day." 6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month. 7. Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo. 8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming. 9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m"s on them. 10. You ask for Viagra and get a popsicle stick and duct tape. 11. When you tell the doctor "It hurts when I do this", and his reply is "Don't do that" ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 06:25 PM | #38 |
Symbol of Cyric
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Montana, USA
Age: 60
Posts: 1,217
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here's one almost certain to be annoying to everyone.....
What's the Cuban national anthem? Row, Row, Row Your Boat" Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong." What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future, either. What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.." Times have changed. Years ago.....When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; Today they call it the PGA TOUR. ------------------ Unstinting Gaurdian of Children Defender of Those Unable To To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow. |
09-25-2001, 06:30 PM | #39 |
Jack Burton
Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
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ROTFLMAO!!! And Alex, i laughed at yours.
------------------ Lil' Angel Sword Saint and Enchantress of the HADB Clan Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe Bestest Mate of the Cyan Knight Lady of Jerome, The Fallen Paladin Honored Friend of the Warrior SSJ4Sephiroth, and the Arch-Mage Jafin PeaceKeeping Force, Intelligence Division |
09-25-2001, 06:35 PM | #40 |
Beholder
Join Date: May 4, 2001
Location: The Outside Looking In
Age: 37
Posts: 4,361
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Mwahahaha J.J.! loved that PGA one...
------------------ It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul. What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings now? Ha, ha, ha... Stop acting as if you're sad. And there's no need to act as if you're angry either. Because, Cloud, you are... a puppet. Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan. Follower of the mighty Fallen Paladin himself. Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better! Dear and trusted friend of the Lioness. Head of the IronWorks Intelligence Division |
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