Vicotnik's chamber of laughter - Page 3

Vicotnik · 03-04-2001, 06:33 PM

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.

When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love... Don't be like that..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

------------------

Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

Vicotnik · 03-04-2001, 06:35 PM

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with breasts a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play.

Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!"

------------------

Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

Vicotnik · 03-04-2001, 06:37 PM

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love!

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, F*** you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

------------------

Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

Vicotnik · 03-04-2001, 06:38 PM

It is near the end of the school year, and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break.

The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each of my questions may leave early."

Little Johnny thinks, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."

The teacher asks, "Who said, 'Four score and seven years ago?'"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

The teacher says, "That's right, Susie. You may leave."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered first.

The teacher asks, "Who said, 'I have a dream?'"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary answers, "Martin Luther King."

The teacher says, "That's right, Mary. You may leave."

Johnny is even madder that Mary answered first.

The teacher asks, "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you?'"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John Kennedy."

The teacher says, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turns her back, and Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher says, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny answers, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"

------------------

Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

03-04-2001, 08:17 PM

Understanding engineers
2 engineering students are walking across campus, one pushing a nice mountain bike. first one asks where he got the bike? The other tells how he was out walking on the trail when a beautiful girl comes riding up on the bike, drops it, rips off all her clothes and implores him to take whatever he wants. His friend nods knowingly, and congrats him on his choice- obviously, the clothes would not have fit

------------------
When given a choice, take both.

Black Knight · 03-04-2001, 08:19 PM

________
CUMSHOT VIRTUAL

03-04-2001, 08:25 PM

Understanding engineers take 2
Pessimist says glass half empty
Optimist says glass half full
Engineer says glass twice as big as it needs to be

------------------
When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:32 PM

Man talking to friend
I was helping my kid set up his new computer, and even though he's pretty good overall, he still tries to act and be older than he is at times, the rebellion thing, you know. Anyway, when it's all ready to go and asks him for his password, he looks at me and types 'penis'. Friend looks at him questioningly
I fell off the chair laughing when the computer replies with an error message: "PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH"

------------------
When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:37 PM

I read somewhere that 77% of all mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.

------------------
When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:41 PM

Quotable quotes (Qq)1
on the difference between men and women:
On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.- Bruce Willis

------------------
When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:19 PM	#26
Black Knight Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Delaware OH USA Age: 47 Posts: 3,168	________ CUMSHOT VIRTUAL Last edited by Black Knight; 03-21-2011 at 04:44 AM.

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03-04-2001, 06:33 PM	#21
Vicotnik Zhentarim Guard Join Date: March 1, 2001 Posts: 362	A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together. When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?" "What? You're crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem." "No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..." "At this time of the night? No one will show up..." "I've already said No, and NO!" "Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..." "No! I've said NO!" "My love... Don't be like that..." At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!" ------------------ Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

03-04-2001, 06:35 PM	#22
Vicotnik Zhentarim Guard Join Date: March 1, 2001 Posts: 362	Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with breasts a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!" ------------------ Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

03-04-2001, 06:37 PM	#23
Vicotnik Zhentarim Guard Join Date: March 1, 2001 Posts: 362	For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all love! An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." ------------------ Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

03-04-2001, 06:38 PM	#24
Vicotnik Zhentarim Guard Join Date: March 1, 2001 Posts: 362	It is near the end of the school year, and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each of my questions may leave early." Little Johnny thinks, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first." The teacher asks, "Who said, 'Four score and seven years ago?'" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher says, "That's right, Susie. You may leave." Johnny is mad that Susie answered first. The teacher asks, "Who said, 'I have a dream?'" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary answers, "Martin Luther King." The teacher says, "That's right, Mary. You may leave." Johnny is even madder that Mary answered first. The teacher asks, "Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you?'" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John Kennedy." The teacher says, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave." Johnny is boiling mad that Nancy answered first. Then the teacher turns her back, and Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher says, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny answers, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?" ------------------ Vicotnik, archmage of the Holy Flame - Challenge me... and die.

03-04-2001, 08:17 PM	#25
JJ/newbie Guest Posts: n/a	Understanding engineers 2 engineering students are walking across campus, one pushing a nice mountain bike. first one asks where he got the bike? The other tells how he was out walking on the trail when a beautiful girl comes riding up on the bike, drops it, rips off all her clothes and implores him to take whatever he wants. His friend nods knowingly, and congrats him on his choice- obviously, the clothes would not have fit ------------------ When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:25 PM	#27
JJ/newbie Guest Posts: n/a	Understanding engineers take 2 Pessimist says glass half empty Optimist says glass half full Engineer says glass twice as big as it needs to be ------------------ When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:32 PM	#28
JJ/newbie Guest Posts: n/a	Man talking to friend I was helping my kid set up his new computer, and even though he's pretty good overall, he still tries to act and be older than he is at times, the rebellion thing, you know. Anyway, when it's all ready to go and asks him for his password, he looks at me and types 'penis'. Friend looks at him questioningly I fell off the chair laughing when the computer replies with an error message: "PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH" ------------------ When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:37 PM	#29
JJ/newbie Guest Posts: n/a	I read somewhere that 77% of all mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves. ------------------ When given a choice, take both.

03-04-2001, 08:41 PM	#30
JJ/newbie Guest Posts: n/a	Quotable quotes (Qq)1 on the difference between men and women: On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.- Bruce Willis ------------------ When given a choice, take both.

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