V-Day: s it's offtopic...what isn't? Oh and yes it's a poll, what'd you expect from ME?

[WOLFGIR]

Oh, sorry forgot to tell you a trick!

For me it helped being angry, to get angry I mean not to be angry of others, just feel that anger rising in you and use it, to take alittle goal at the time. Try to use the anger for something possitive and be true to yourself.

If you wonder why I love wolves so much it´s because I believe I have one deep inside that always tells me to fight back at all costs when I´m really down and heartbroken. Stupid or not, he helped me alot! =)

[Cloudbringer]

Hellfire: I cannot begin to tell you how bad I feel about your situation. I can't imagine signing on for life with someone and then up and changing my mind. That is not what committment is about. It's about compromise and working things out. Not one of us is perfect and we all make mistakes, but marriage is forever in my book. Of course I suspect my advice would mean more if I'd ever been married, but it is heartfelt and I hope it helps anyway.

I know it hurts and things seem out of control but believe me, you will feel better one day. Takes a long time, but it happens. I've had my share of being dumped and lucky for me there were no vows, kids or property issues to contend with.

Your situation is miserable, but please try not to deal with it while you feel so angry and like striking back at your wife. Take a step back and try to focus on getting through this as best you can. Your kids deserve a father no matter what your wife has done and a bitter breakup will hurt your relationship with them. I wish I could talk to you in person, it's hard to say what needs saying on a keyboard in a public forum. I don't know if it will help you feel any better, but I will add you to my prayers.

Cloudbringer

[Hellfire]

CloudBringer
Thank you and,like you I trust in God,and i know he will take care of me
i know that any break up hurts be it marriage or dating,so you speak from wisdom either way,yea the kids part does bother me ,because i feel that i am the best father they could have ,and like you marriage should be for life that's why i said "till death do us part"not till i think i need to find myself and make sure that is you that i want to be with.Also i don't fight or name call in front of my kids because they see me doing it they might get it in their heads to it's OK to yell at thier mother,ARGH!!i can't believe this is happening to me, i try to be perfect for her,she comes home from work the house is clean and dishes are done and if she wants i make her dinner everyday not some times,everyday!and this is the $hit i get back,this is what i call irony.well i'm going to stop now seems people are backing away from me reading this(if i knew how i'd make a sad face here)

[Yorick]

Hellfire,
Yeah man, ditto, hang in there.
I found a book called Divorce: the unforgivable sin? by Ken Crispin to be very helpful. If I'd read it earlier things may have been different... but then again maybe not. Who knows.

I went through many different emotional stages in the months preceding and following the final seperation. From anger and extreme rage, desolate and inconsolable depression, to relief and a calm peace. I was angry at God, angry at her, felt abandoned (by God) and confused, wondered how I would survive. Felt like I was unable to make any sort of decision.

For eight years I'd put another individuals thoughts, cares and feelings first and felt incapable of even deciding what to have for dinner, as everything concerning life matters had involved a joint decision.

I would love to disclose more of my situation but it is such an intensely vulnerable and painful experience to do so.

The other distressing thing was everyone around my wife and I thought we were the perfect couple. Religious, affectionate in public, both 'people persons'. Very much in love. But like the complexities of an individual, a relationship is an extremely complicated matter that should be so simple.
Thus it made a lot of people around us very sad, very upset when they found out. I then found out one of my closest friends whom I write a lot of music with, went through a marital breakdown himself. It's all around us! This terrible terrible occurence.

There is so much about life I don't understand.

Now get this, and this is hanging my soul out.

I still love her. We've been seperated for over a year, we cannot live together - we drive each other crazy, but I still feel incredible emotion for the woman who was first in my life for so long.

Life will go on. But there is much damage to be healed in the process.

I was happy today. I was cold, wet, standing alone in another country looking at leafless trees astride moorlike grassy, muddy hills with a few birds scattered around and I was so happy. I prayed thanks for the life I have and for what I've seen and all I am and the love my God has shown me, and I was happy.

Hugh

Yorick, once again you've put into words an incredibly difficult and emotional topic. I honestly stand in a certain amount of awe of your ability to communicate so clearly and concisely.
Should you ever find yourself in the Western U.S., especially in Washington, I will happily stand you to an excellent dinner just for the chance to talk.

Hellfire - don't give up, man. I had some really horrific $hit happen to me which made me feel like I would never have another relationship. I'm now on year 12 of an incredibly good marriage. She's already in your heart, you just have to find her in person.

[Yorick]

Thankyou so much Absynthe.

Congratulations on your partnership. May your walk together never falter brother.

Thanks again.