Visit the Ironworks Gaming Website Email the Webmaster Graphics Library Rules and Regulations Help Support Ironworks Forum with a Donation to Keep us Online - We rely totally on Donations from members Donation goal Meter

Ironworks Gaming Radio

Ironworks Gaming Forum

Go Back   Ironworks Gaming Forum > Ironworks Gaming Forums > General Discussion > General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)

 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-25-2004, 09:40 AM   #1
Beaumanoir
Iron Throne Cult
 

Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK.
Age: 35
Posts: 4,896
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? G@y. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. NO, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scr0tes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pi$$ed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms
with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT £200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber
later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then.
Seven. See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in
the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.>

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't
make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are you
mad, bint?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh1t.

25, CALLING YOUR MATE A **** - and punching him on the shoulder. Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were in hospital".
__________________
My pokemon bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like; you wanna trade cards? Damn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my Charizard.
Beaumanoir is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 09:46 AM   #2
Gangrell
Iron Throne Cult
 

Join Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Big Castle in the Sky
Age: 36
Posts: 4,835
This looks oddly familiar, but nevertheless...

Quote:
Originally posted by Beaumanoir
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. pass the pork scratchings.
Amen
Gangrell is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 09:52 AM   #3
coyote696
The Magister
 

Join Date: July 8, 2004
Location: arkansas
Age: 56
Posts: 109
ok that was kinda funny, and kinda true....
__________________
[img]\"http://home.comcast.net/~lrmwiley/chopper.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />B B B BAD TO THE BONE
coyote696 is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 10:12 AM   #4
Arvon
Unicorn
 

Join Date: October 4, 2001
Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus
Posts: 4,212
Pretty good. Saw a simular one except the patois was Texan.
__________________



53.7% of all statistics are made up
Arvon is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 10:39 AM   #5
Sigmar
Unicorn
 

Join Date: May 17, 2001
Location: N/a
Posts: 4,222
True.

All of it, so damn true!

*brushes tear drop from his eye*
Sigmar is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 10:51 AM   #6
Jaradu
Silver Dragon
 
Bloody Pingu Champion
Join Date: July 29, 2003
Location: Shrewsbury, England
Age: 33
Posts: 1,635
I have never related so well with any piece of humour in my entire life. Absolutely incredible.
Jaradu is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 11:08 AM   #7
Illumina Drathiran'ar
Apophis
 
5 Card Draw Champion
Join Date: July 10, 2002
Location: I can see the Manhattan skyline from my window.
Age: 38
Posts: 4,673
Quote:
Originally posted by Jaradu:
I have never related so well with any piece of humour in my entire life.
Not even the almost identical list posted a month or so ago?

[ 10-25-2004, 11:09 AM: Message edited by: Illumina Drathiran'ar ]
__________________
http://cavestory.org
PLAY THIS GAME. Seriously.

http://xkcd.com/386/
http://www.xkcd.com/406/

My heart is like my coffee. Black, bitter, icy, and with a straw.
Illumina Drathiran'ar is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 11:11 AM   #8
Jaradu
Silver Dragon
 
Bloody Pingu Champion
Join Date: July 29, 2003
Location: Shrewsbury, England
Age: 33
Posts: 1,635
Quote:
Originally posted by Illumina Drathiran'ar:
quote:
Originally posted by Jaradu:
I have never related so well with any piece of humour in my entire life.
Not even the almost identical list posted a month or so ago? [/QUOTE]Ah, must've missed that one. So many joke threads, so little time.
Jaradu is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 11:15 AM   #9
Sigmar
Unicorn
 

Join Date: May 17, 2001
Location: N/a
Posts: 4,222
O_O

First I've seen of this little gem.
Sigmar is offline  
Old 10-25-2004, 11:32 AM   #10
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 40
Posts: 5,556
nice [img]smile.gif[/img]
__________________

Catch me if you can..
Harkoliar is offline  
 


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
25 Things that make you feel like a real man... Target General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) 15 08-26-2004 03:40 PM
Some positive lyrics to make you all feel better Vaskez General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) 2 02-25-2004 06:40 PM
3 worst things of life(feel free to add more if you'd like) SomeGuy General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) 8 05-21-2002 08:02 PM
Happy Tuesday - jokes that make you feel old.... :P Charean General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) 0 05-14-2002 12:00 PM
Make me feel like a WOMAN (no comments from the nickle bleachers)) John D Harris General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) 18 07-14-2001 09:45 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:19 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
©2024 Ironworks Gaming & ©2024 The Great Escape Studios TM - All Rights Reserved