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Old 04-14-2002, 02:58 PM   #1
ʆë®Ñï†Ý
Zhentarim Guard
 

Join Date: January 7, 2002
Location: Oxford
Age: 40
Posts: 307


The organization

A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at
different levels, some climbing up, some going sideways, some going
down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but arseholes...'

important saying for women

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.

COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN.

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.

NASA

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Million to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C... The Russians used a pencil.

Goldfish

Little Victoria was in the garden filling in a hole when her
neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the she was
doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there Victoria?"

"My goldfish died," replied Victoria tearfully "and I've just buried
him."

The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish isn't it?"

Victoria patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's
because he's inside your f*ck*ng cat!"

Poor Mildred
>
>Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was getting
>more and more despondent over the recent death of her
>husband, Cecil. She decided that she would just kill
>herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would
>be best to get it over with quickly, she took out
>Cecil's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot
>herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken
>anyway. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become
>a vegetable and burden someone, she called her
>doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where
>the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, "Your
>heart would be just below your left breast." Later
>that night, Mildred was admitted to the local hospital
>with a gunshot wound to her knee.
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Old 04-14-2002, 03:27 PM   #2
Galadria
20th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: November 3, 2001
Location: Texas
Age: 54
Posts: 2,830
Oh, Eternity ! That one about the goldfish is good.
You missed the one about dating in the new millenium is like a parking places at the mall- there's no good ones left and the ones that are available are handicapped.
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Old 04-14-2002, 03:49 PM   #3
Lioness
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: June 3, 2001
Location: Among the Stars
Age: 36
Posts: 5,837
LMAO! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

"All stressed out and no one to choke." Luv it, hehe.
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Old 04-16-2002, 04:42 AM   #4
Avatar
Vampire
 

Join Date: April 28, 2001
Location: Cambridge
Age: 40
Posts: 3,877
guys..... help me out here
we have a code red
rebellious girls on the loose
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Old 04-16-2002, 06:21 AM   #5
Lifetime
Red Dragon
 

Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: Scotch College, Melbourne
Posts: 1,503
Quote:
Originally posted by Avatar:
guys..... help me out here
we have a code red
rebellious girls on the loose
Don't get me started on the bad period jokes..
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Old 04-16-2002, 06:44 AM   #6
/)eathKiller
Dracolisk
 

Join Date: January 5, 2002
Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Age: 38
Posts: 6,043
Interesting NASA facts, but lets face it, Russia won the space race we just dont want to admit it...

FIrst thing in space: Winner: Russia
First Man IN space: Russia
Animal in space: Russia
Longest lasting space station: Russia
First to touch moon... USA...
3rd runner up for man in space: China? And that was like just yesterday... 0.o
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Old 04-16-2002, 07:23 AM   #7
Avatar
Vampire
 

Join Date: April 28, 2001
Location: Cambridge
Age: 40
Posts: 3,877
Quote:
Originally posted by Lifetime:
quote:
Originally posted by Avatar:
guys..... help me out here
we have a code red
rebellious girls on the loose
Don't get me started on the bad period jokes.. [/QUOTE]uhhh actually that's not what I was looking for [img]smile.gif[/img]
I am personally against all period jokes
but anything else is fair play
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Old 04-16-2002, 08:34 AM   #8
Mouse
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 2,788
Cue Twilight Zone music........I just received the "important sayings for women" bit of ʆë®Ñï†Ý's original post by e-mail five minutes ago [img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img]
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Old 04-16-2002, 09:13 AM   #9
Avatar
Vampire
 

Join Date: April 28, 2001
Location: Cambridge
Age: 40
Posts: 3,877
Quote:
Originally posted by Mouse:
Cue Twilight Zone music........I just received the "important sayings for women" bit of ʆë®Ñï†Ý's original post by e-mail five minutes ago [img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img]
Really Mouse? from who? Is this a popular intrernet email thing going around? Is so why have you subscribed for the female mailing group j/k
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Old 04-16-2002, 02:19 PM   #10
Mouse
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 2,788
Quote:
Originally posted by Avatar:
Really Mouse? from who? Is this a popular intrernet email thing going around? Is so why have you subscribed for the female mailing group j/k
Answers.....

From a a female friend. It is in all probability a popular e-mail thing (though not a popular as the extracts from the Queen Mother's Books of Condolance ). No subscriptions to female mailing groups for me, but on the other hand, why not - I'm sure I would learn a lot [img]graemlins/crazyeyes.gif[/img]
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