Getting near Marriage Season

Arvon · 03-11-2002, 10:43 AM

If Men Arranged Marriages

There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.

Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.

They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not..

Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors.

June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs.

Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part.

The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped-up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head.

Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."

There would be "Tailgate Receptions."

Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings.

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really does add up.

Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern.

Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge.

The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her ass.

Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza, and plenty of bar-b-que.

No one would bother with that veil routine. But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.

The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something.

Invitations would read as follow: Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain. He's getting married. He either: A) Knocked her up, B) Couldn't get a different roommate, or C) Caved in to her ultimatum. Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him For the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium On the 50-Yard Line at Half-time during Sunday's Game Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B.

[ 03-11-2002: Message edited by: Arvon ]

Larry_OHF · 03-11-2002, 11:57 AM

I only agree with the following two:

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head. (And worse things that I don't need to speak of here.)

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.

[ 03-11-2002: Message edited by: Larry_OHF ]

Garnet FalconDance · 03-11-2002, 02:01 PM

"The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form fitted to her ass."

LOL. I wore a sarong (tied low) and halter--no cleavage was showing but I certainly met the other two requirements.

03-11-2002, 02:05 PM

Sounds like my kinda wedding

Beaumanoir · 03-11-2002, 02:38 PM

Umnmm Garnet... Can I See The Wedding Photo's???

Garnet FalconDance · 03-11-2002, 07:21 PM

Sure--if they were digital or my scanner was up and running. But they're not and it isn't, so you'll have to use your imagination

Saltheart Foamfollower · 03-17-2002, 12:30 PM

I have a great imagination... That is why I have a big smile on my face right now....

My favorite thing to do when anyone tells me that they are going to get married, is to try to discourage them.

Hell, my best man did that to me while I was on the altar. The priest was trying not to laugh while my buddy is telling me that it is not to late to back out... Ah, was the soon to be wife fit to be tied...

10 years of bliss and two children later, still on my honeymoon...

/)eathKiller · 03-17-2002, 12:38 PM

* > <
* _

I fell out of my chair laughing...
but then i hit my head and forgot what I was laughing about...

*re reads thread*

... there it goes again...

03-11-2002, 10:43 AM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	If Men Arranged Marriages There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all others" part. The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped-up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley! Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head. Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man." There would be "Tailgate Receptions." Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or between innings. Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost of strippers and liquor really does add up. Men wouldn't ask, "Well, what do you think, dear? The burgundy or the wine colored napkins?" They'd just grab extras from their local pub or tavern. Favors would be matchbooks and cigars. Better yet, free drink passes at the local lounge. The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form-fitted to her ass. Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza, and plenty of bar-b-que. No one would bother with that veil routine. But they would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go. The bridal bouquet would be recycled from a previous funeral/wedding (what's the difference) or something. Invitations would read as follow: Tom (Dick or Harry) is getting the old ball and chain. He's getting married. He either: A) Knocked her up, B) Couldn't get a different roommate, or C) Caved in to her ultimatum. Please meet the woman who will cook and clean for him For the rest of his life at Soldier Field Stadium On the 50-Yard Line at Half-time during Sunday's Game Please join us at the Moonlight Lounge after the game For Beer, Nachos and Pizza. Oh yeah... B.Y.O.B. [ 03-11-2002: Message edited by: Arvon ] __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

03-11-2002, 11:57 AM	#2
Larry_OHF Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Midlands, South Carolina Age: 48 Posts: 14,759	I only agree with the following two: Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old) would get punched in the head. (And worse things that I don't need to speak of here.) Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. [ 03-11-2002: Message edited by: Larry_OHF ] __________________

03-11-2002, 02:01 PM	#3
Garnet FalconDance Mephistopheles Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: deep within the sylvan splendor.... Age: 60 Posts: 1,443	"The bride's dress would show cleavage, her navel, and be form fitted to her ass." LOL. I wore a sarong (tied low) and halter--no cleavage was showing but I certainly met the other two requirements. __________________ "Nature tells every secret once." Ralph Waldo Emerson

03-11-2002, 02:38 PM	#5
Beaumanoir Iron Throne Cult Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: There is no IRL, Only AFK. Age: 35 Posts: 4,896	Umnmm Garnet... Can I See The Wedding Photo's??? __________________ My pokemon bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like; you wanna trade cards? Damn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my Charizard.

03-11-2002, 07:21 PM	#6
Garnet FalconDance Mephistopheles Join Date: August 30, 2001 Location: deep within the sylvan splendor.... Age: 60 Posts: 1,443	Sure--if they were digital or my scanner was up and running. But they're not and it isn't, so you'll have to use your imagination __________________ "Nature tells every secret once." Ralph Waldo Emerson

03-11-2002, 02:05 PM	#4
MagiK Guest Posts: n/a	Sounds like my kinda wedding

03-17-2002, 12:30 PM	#7
Saltheart Foamfollower Manshoon Join Date: September 30, 2001 Location: your darkest fears... Posts: 229	I have a great imagination... That is why I have a big smile on my face right now.... My favorite thing to do when anyone tells me that they are going to get married, is to try to discourage them. Hell, my best man did that to me while I was on the altar. The priest was trying not to laugh while my buddy is telling me that it is not to late to back out... Ah, was the soon to be wife fit to be tied... 10 years of bliss and two children later, still on my honeymoon... __________________ it was the 7th day and i was the 7th son, it scared the hell outta everyone...

03-17-2002, 12:38 PM	#8
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	* > < * _ I fell out of my chair laughing... but then i hit my head and forgot what I was laughing about... re reads thread ... there it goes again... __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

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