A test for the Ladies

Charean · 06-25-2001, 03:12 AM

Ladies, this test is for you. Pretend you are a man,
perhaps one close to you. Then answer the questions as
though it was he who was answering.
================================================== ====

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic
friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated
device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite
supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and
permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire
Earth. You decide to:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you
miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the
only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business
reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. What about hugging another male?

A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a
home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
(1) He is legally within the base path,
(2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection,
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard
enough to cause fractures.

6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive
and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely
Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-you're watching a
football game; she's reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the
clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but,
she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your
relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to
get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future
together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you
don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false
hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third
and seventeen.

8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you
want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the
sorrows, world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her
name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing
her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to
get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran socks?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed
new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were
originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected sock molecules and
has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran socks. A real guy checks
the garbage regularly in case somebody - and we are not naming
names, but this would be his wife - is quietly trying to discard
his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy
seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for
the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty
years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.

12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. The TV Remote control.

------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!?
Wandering Soul - Finding my life's calling is Bodhisattva
You are what your deep driving desire is; As your deep driving desire is, so is your will; As your will is so is your deed; As your deed is so is your destiny.
The Upanishads

Pain-Wrath · 06-25-2001, 03:29 AM

Hahaha, that was hilarious, wipes tears from his eyes, trying to hold his stomach at the same time oh god.. sniffle that..My favorite would be taking apart the remote control to have an unlimited amount of beer and Frito-lay chips (the ripples kind )

[This message has been edited by Pain-Wrath (edited 06-25-2001).]

WOLFGIR · 06-25-2001, 04:59 AM

hehe!

That was funny..

Well the first one has to be a trick question since Both and a and b are males, i can as well take it apart myself

;D

------------------

Yawning lazywolf dreaming about nice little fairies...zzzzz
Wolfgirs lair
once-upon-a-paper

Reeka · 06-25-2001, 06:19 AM

Amazingly accurate!

------------------
Order of the Holy Flame
Member of Clan HADB

RudeDawg · 06-25-2001, 10:12 AM

What's so funny?

Where's the joke?

Insightful. Acccurate. Touching.

But funny?

BTW. I actually pulled a numer 7.

Girlfriend was trying to talk to me and her father during a Lakers game. I was like Pavlov's dog. I was grunting, "Uh-huh. OK. Sure. Yeah." Turned to her and asked, "DID you see the foul on Magic???"

I misunderstood her glare. "SEE, Juan??? Jenny gets it, why don't the refs???"
She sat down, and started talking to me, quietly and sweetly. I was Pavlov's Dog again. She went to the kitchen, to talk to her mother.

RIGHT during the last 3 minutes of the game, we hear Lilly, her mom, SCREAM!!! She comes running out, yelling for joy. Her father and I were both agreeing, and congratting her and hugging, while watching the game.

After the game, Juan and I found out that I was now engaged.

True Story.

smart girls are scary.

------------------

The RudeDawg, Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes

06-25-2001, 10:22 AM

Just for clarification, the reason men don't ask for directions is because we can map-read properly

, and can even drive in reverse safely

.
~Lord Shield runs for the hills as fast as his legs can carry him~

------------------
In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is pimp.
http://lordraptor0.tripod.com/index.html

Davros · 06-25-2001, 10:25 AM

LOL RudeDawg - encore, does it have a Chapter 2

.

------------------

WOLFGIR · 06-25-2001, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by RudeDawg:
What's so funny?

Where's the joke?

Insightful. Acccurate. Touching.

But funny?

BTW. I actually pulled a numer 7.

Girlfriend was trying to talk to me and her father during a Lakers game. I was like Pavlov's dog. I was grunting, "Uh-huh. OK. Sure. Yeah." Turned to her and asked, "DID you see the foul on Magic???"

I misunderstood her glare. "SEE, Juan??? Jenny gets it, why don't the refs???"
She sat down, and started talking to me, quietly and sweetly. I was Pavlov's Dog again. She went to the kitchen, to talk to her mother.

RIGHT during the last 3 minutes of the game, we hear Lilly, her mom, SCREAM!!! She comes running out, yelling for joy. Her father and I were both agreeing, and congratting her and hugging, while watching the game.

After the game, Juan and I found out that I was now engaged.

True Story. smart girls are scary.

LMTO HAHAHAHA!!
Err, hehe, ouchie, my stomache hurts.. Hehe, damn, this floor is really hard.. Sorry Rudy, but hehe that was one of the funniest thing I heard in weeks! LOL Ouch..

------------------

Yawning lazywolf dreaming about nice little fairies...zzzzz
Wolfgirs lair
once-upon-a-paper

Moridin · 06-25-2001, 10:29 AM

Oh, ha ha, very funny......
Why is it ok to constantly belittle men and catagorize us as unitelligent imbeciles that only want to sit around and watch sports and play in our workshop? Is it ok to assume that all women are dumb blondes that should be at home, barefoot and pregnant? NO!

OK I understand it as a joke, but come on

------------------

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig

RudeDawg · 06-25-2001, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Moridin:
Why is it ok to constantly belittle men and catagorize us as unitelligent imbeciles that only want to sit around and watch sports and play in our workshop?

Well, in my case.... throw a computer loaded with BG/ToSC, IWD/HOW, BG2/ToB, W&W, Civ II, ChessMaster 8K, and my DSL connection, and that description is pretty damn accurate.

I don't speak for everyone, but I LIKE sitting around all day watching sports, making and breaking stuff, and playing on my computer.

------------------

The RudeDawg, Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes

06-25-2001, 03:29 AM	#2
Pain-Wrath Banned User Join Date: June 2, 2001 Location: ... Posts: 1	Hahaha, that was hilarious, wipes tears from his eyes, trying to hold his stomach at the same time oh god.. sniffle that..My favorite would be taking apart the remote control to have an unlimited amount of beer and Frito-lay chips (the ripples kind ) [This message has been edited by Pain-Wrath (edited 06-25-2001).]

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06-25-2001, 03:12 AM	#1
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	Ladies, this test is for you. Pretend you are a man, perhaps one close to you. Then answer the questions as though it was he who was answering. ================================================== ==== 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: A. Present it to the President of the United States. B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations. C. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most? A. Innocence. B. Idealism. C. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. B. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.) C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. What about hugging another male? A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease. B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that: (1) He is legally within the base path, (2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures. 6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: A. A cat. B. A dog. C. A dog that eats cats. 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen. 8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her, sharing the joys and the sorrows, world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her? A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. C. Tell her what? 9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: A. "Do they need to eat or anything?" B. "They're in school already?" C. "There are three of them?" 10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran socks? A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs. B. When it is down to eight loosely connected sock molecules and has to be handled with tweezers. C. It is never okay to throw away veteran socks. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody - and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife - is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her. 11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land? A. He was being tested. B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. C. He refused to ask for directions. 12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? A. Democracy. B. Religion. C. The TV Remote control. ------------------ Defender for the Light - Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?!? Wandering Soul - Finding my life's calling is Bodhisattva You are what your deep driving desire is; As your deep driving desire is, so is your will; As your will is so is your deed; As your deed is so is your destiny. The Upanishads

06-25-2001, 04:59 AM	#3
WOLFGIR Bastet - Egyptian Cat Goddess Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Sweden Age: 50 Posts: 3,450	hehe! That was funny.. Well the first one has to be a trick question since Both and a and b are males, i can as well take it apart myself ;D ------------------ Yawning lazywolf dreaming about nice little fairies...zzzzz Wolfgirs lair once-upon-a-paper

06-25-2001, 06:19 AM	#4
Reeka Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: March 2, 2001 Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA Age: 70 Posts: 3,255	Amazingly accurate! ------------------ Order of the Holy Flame Member of Clan HADB

06-25-2001, 10:12 AM	#5
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	What's so funny? Where's the joke? Insightful. Acccurate. Touching. But funny? BTW. I actually pulled a numer 7. Girlfriend was trying to talk to me and her father during a Lakers game. I was like Pavlov's dog. I was grunting, "Uh-huh. OK. Sure. Yeah." Turned to her and asked, "DID you see the foul on Magic???" I misunderstood her glare. "SEE, Juan??? Jenny gets it, why don't the refs???" She sat down, and started talking to me, quietly and sweetly. I was Pavlov's Dog again. She went to the kitchen, to talk to her mother. RIGHT during the last 3 minutes of the game, we hear Lilly, her mom, SCREAM!!! She comes running out, yelling for joy. Her father and I were both agreeing, and congratting her and hugging, while watching the game. After the game, Juan and I found out that I was now engaged. True Story. smart girls are scary. ------------------ The RudeDawg, Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes

06-25-2001, 10:22 AM	#6
Lord Shield Guest Posts: n/a	Just for clarification, the reason men don't ask for directions is because we can map-read properly , and can even drive in reverse safely . ~Lord Shield runs for the hills as fast as his legs can carry him~ ------------------ In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is pimp. http://lordraptor0.tripod.com/index.html

06-25-2001, 10:25 AM	#7
Davros Takhisis Follower Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Mandurah, West Australia Age: 60 Posts: 5,073	LOL RudeDawg - encore, does it have a Chapter 2 . ------------------

06-25-2001, 10:29 AM	#9
Moridin Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 1,735	Oh, ha ha, very funny...... Why is it ok to constantly belittle men and catagorize us as unitelligent imbeciles that only want to sit around and watch sports and play in our workshop? Is it ok to assume that all women are dumb blondes that should be at home, barefoot and pregnant? NO! OK I understand it as a joke, but come on ------------------ Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig

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Hahaha, that was hilarious, *wipes tears from his eyes, trying to hold his stomach at the same time* oh god.. *sniffle* that..My favorite would be taking apart the remote control to have an unlimited amount of beer and Frito-lay chips (the ripples kind )

Hahaha, that was hilarious, wipes tears from his eyes, trying to hold his stomach at the same time oh god.. sniffle that..My favorite would be taking apart the remote control to have an unlimited amount of beer and Frito-lay chips (the ripples kind )