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Old 12-14-2004, 09:55 AM   #11
Stormymystic
Knight of the Rose
 

Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
*walks in long enough to correct the ages on the kids*
it is 3, 4, and 6 hun......
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Old 12-14-2004, 10:09 AM   #12
aleph_null1
Red Wizard of Thay
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Honolulu, Hawai'i
Age: 40
Posts: 837
So, I'm you're daughter [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Seriously, my story exactly parallels hers: messy divorce, didn't know my dad until I was 16, suddenly had three younger siblings (who were 8, 5, and 4 at the time), all very unusual.

Most important thing to say, from the kid's perspective, is not to smother her. You can let it be known that you love her through what you do... doesn't have to be all awkward and touchy feely (which is EXACTLY what she'll be expecting, guarantee it).

Lady Sedai's fun park or whatever is good, but:
  • Contrived, and, (more importantly)
  • Juvenile
A girl who's almost 16 is practically in middle age. She'll be wanting plastic surgery soon The worst thing that you can do -- except in certain very special circumstances, which you'll have to feel out later -- is to treat her like a 10 year old. She is (or at least thinks she is, which is more important) an adult, and must be treated as one.

That said, the first time I saw my Dad & siblings for real, we went down to his basement, where he's still got the recreation room set up. We had the pool table, ping pong, comfy leather couches and big screen TV, kids toys in the corner where the two younger ones played while Dad, the 8 year old, and I played cards. All very cozy and friendly, yet not awkward or contrived. Though I definitely felt the center of attention, to some degree, it wasn't weird like it could've been.

If you have access to something like that -- something exceedingly normal and comfortable -- it'd be for the best.

Good luck, and (for her sake) take it easy! [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
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Old 12-14-2004, 10:30 AM   #13
coyote696
The Magister
 

Join Date: July 8, 2004
Location: arkansas
Age: 56
Posts: 109
thanks alleph. i appreciate the advice. i will try to do make it not too juvinile i promise that.
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Old 12-14-2004, 10:37 AM   #14
Lady Sedai
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Join Date: May 21, 2004
Location: Hiram\'s lap
Age: 55
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For the record, aleph, I was not saying he should take them to Chuck-E-Cheese's or whatever.

I said a fun park along the lines of something with miniature golf and arcade games, etc. because *I* am 35, my mother is 56 and we *both* still love these places.

Sorry if it seems too "juvenile" for your tastes.

I also spent many a teen-age day hanging out at such places, so it's good for *all* ages and takes the pressure off the daughter from being "in the spotlight".

Not that your suggestion isn't good. But to be so harsh to my suggestion was unnecessary.
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Old 12-14-2004, 11:59 AM   #15
Ilander
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Join Date: December 28, 2003
Location: Kentucky
Age: 38
Posts: 2,820
Get her signed up on Ironworks! It's a family tradition of sorts for you all!

Anyway, craziness aside, 16 yo girls are somewhat difficult at times...at least, if the ones I knew at that age (which wasn't too long ago) are any example. Heck the ones that I know right now kind of scare me some of the time...so be prepared. There may be some teenagerish bad habits in her, though I hate to say that. But while not all teens are glue-sniffers, most gleefully hog the phone, internet, or bathroom. Most occaisionally argue with their parents. Most need some space from time to time. All need more advice than they're willing to ask for.

Personally, one of the greatest bonding experiences I ever had was with my stepfather, as my mother, my stepdad and I would play card-games nearly every night. That really helped us to get closer together, as we were in a relaxed atmosphere where goofiness was encouraged. Make someone laugh, and they'll almost certainly be your friend...and last I checked, that was one of the fringe benefits of being a good parent.
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Old 12-14-2004, 12:03 PM   #16
Hivetyrant
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Join Date: August 24, 2002
Location: Aussie now in the US of A!
Age: 37
Posts: 5,403
well, my sister is about to turn 14, and she is REALLY into the Mobile phone thing, and It seems most girls of all ages are, so be prepared to face some nasty bills...unless she has a pre-paid phone, then be prepared to fork out allot of "re-charge" money [img]tongue.gif[/img]
That is assuming she has a phone [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 12-14-2004, 12:05 PM   #17
Cloudbringer
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
There's always just going out for pizza and a movie, too- let her choose the movie. Or order in and watch something you rent etc. Doesn't have to be fancy.

Don't overdo things at the start- like I said earlier, take your time and get to know her. That's the only SURE way to know what she likes or doesn't like and what she herself is like. [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Old 12-14-2004, 04:11 PM   #18
coyote696
The Magister
 

Join Date: July 8, 2004
Location: arkansas
Age: 56
Posts: 109
thanks guys you are really helping me get ideas as far as what i want to do and how to go about it when she gets home. you dont know how much i appreciate it. I really have been too worried about it to think straight and you have all helped alot.

Cloudy dont worry I dont want to rush anything, 8 years is a long time and i cannot make all that up in a short time, and I cannot get any of it back. I just wanna know my daughter and love her and let her know how much I do.

Ilander I am thinking its time to buy a third puter do I can have one.....lol
we all know stormy wont let me use hers if the kids are on mine......lol
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Old 12-14-2004, 07:00 PM   #19
aleph_null1
Red Wizard of Thay
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Honolulu, Hawai'i
Age: 40
Posts: 837
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Sedai:
But to be so harsh to my suggestion was unnecessary.
I'm sorry if it came off that badly -- I didn't mean it to. I've no problem with miniature golf (preferably drunk), but ...

... my sister (who's now 15) would definitely kill herself or eat more than 500 calories at a meal before being caught dead at anything like it. The mere suggestion would send her into either a rage or sullen withdrawal at being treated like a child.

Girls are obviously different, but all my experience with that age group suggests that they're volatile at best. I know I was... and I'm a guy!
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Old 12-14-2004, 07:24 PM   #20
Stormymystic
Knight of the Rose
 

Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
Quote:
Originally posted by coyote696:
Ilander I am thinking its time to buy a third puter do I can have one.....lol
we all know stormy wont let me use hers if the kids are on mine......lol
would like to tell them why you are not allowed near my computer or shall I?
ok, I will do it, he is not allowed near my computer because he tends to download anything, careless about spyware, viruses and malware [img]tongue.gif[/img] remind me again what happened to your laptop?

back on topic, I have said this before...you need to just ask her a little at a time what she likes, do not overwhelm her with questions, because she is coming to a new place, and meeting alot of strangers and people she bearly even knows [img]smile.gif[/img]

[ 12-14-2004, 07:25 PM: Message edited by: Stormymystic ]
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