Joke World 1-1

[Arvon]

This Christian was thrown into the ring with a lion. Terrified, he fell on his knees and started praying. At the same time the lion dropped down on it's knees and started praying too. The Christian, overjoyed, exclaimed, "Thank God! Another Christian!" To which the lion replied, "I don't know about you, but I'm saying Grace."

Okey so it's an oldie, I had to start somewhere.

[VulcanRider]

A blonde woman was pulled over for speeding. As it turns out, the police officer was a blonde woman too. "May I see your license?" The officer said. "What does it look like?" the driver asked. "It's a small rectangle with your picture on it" the officer replied. After searching in her purse, the driver pulled out a small mirror, looked at it and saw her own image, so handed that to the officer. The officer looked in the mirror and said

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were a cop."

[Lord]

This one is from Steven Colbert's book, I Am America. It always gives me a good laugh:

"I'm torn on Hinduism. On the one hand, they believe in karma and reincarnation, where good things happen to people who do good deeds and bad things happen to people who do bad deeds. Then after you die, they take a look at your karma account and you come back as something better or worse, depending on how you did. I like this philosophy, because it means if you're good enough in this life, you can be reincarnated as a Catholic. And if this stuff is true, I was one amazing Hindu in my last life."

[Arvon]

About His Loss

There were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day Joe's boat sank. A few days later a kindly old woman saw Joe, and mistaking him for John. Said "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible"

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat, said "Fact is, I'm sort of glad to get rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front, too. Every time I used her the hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time for the weekend. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow and were willing to pay. The fools all tried to get in her at the same time and split her right down the middle."

The old woman fainted.