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Old 07-02-2004, 11:06 AM   #11
Gangrell
Iron Throne Cult
 

Join Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Big Castle in the Sky
Age: 36
Posts: 4,835
Well Larry, I don't have a whole lot of advice for you, as Cloudy, Ehrys, and Bungleau have done that pretty well. All I know is though, in my family, if someone gets on your nerves like that, we speak our minds which is quickly followed by a shouting match with a bit of cola and snacks afterwards. So don't take my advice eh? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 07-02-2004, 11:38 AM   #12
Animal
Gold Dragon
 

Join Date: March 29, 2002
Location: Canada
Age: 51
Posts: 2,534
I'd certainly lay down the law regarding the rules that you have set in your household. Ask her how she would feel, if when she were raising her children her mother in law were to blatantly disregard the rules of the house.

I think on that particular topic, you have to stand firm, no matter what. I'm 99.9%, you'll have your wifes support on it. It is imperative, especially at that age, that the kids realize that you are the parent, not grandma and that your rules are in place for a reason, and to be followed at all times.

After my wife passed, I had the same issue with my daughter. My mother in law came to stay to help out and pulled the exact same stunt. Behaviour started to decline, as well as listening skills and respect for myself as the parent. It finally came to a boiling point about a month after she got there. My daughter was 3 at the time, and was proceeding to have a temper tantrum, throwing one of her dolls and hitting things with it. I told her that if she didn't stop, I'd take the doll away. So, of course, I end up taking the doll away, she runs of screaming and I go off to do some laundry. I come back not 5 minutes later, and she's got the doll again.

Her grandmother, who witnessed the whole thing, had given it back to her, claiming that I was being unfair by taking it away. I still remember the look that my daughter gave me at that moment, the "I don't have to listen to you" look. At that point I took "grandma" aside and told her that if she was insisting on being a poor influence on shaping my daughers behaviour then she would be no longer welcome in my home.

She left the next day, and although we didn't speak for about a year afterwords, we do get along great now, and she even appologized for her actions a couple of years ago.

My daughter is 13 this year, heading into the most troubling and problematic time for kids. Had I not done something 10 years ago, I have no doubt she'd be on a daytime talk show now, but instead she's very well behaved and respectful.

It is extremely important to enforce rules in a fair but firm manner during their informative years. It's much easier to fix problems before they start, rather than dealing with problems when they are much older.
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Old 07-02-2004, 11:54 AM   #13
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 40
Posts: 5,556
thank goodness im not yet married. thanks for the warning guys.
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Old 07-02-2004, 02:12 PM   #14
Cloudbringer
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
Aww, Hark, don't worry about it too much! My inlaws are fantastic people...my mother in law even said once that she thought if someone was coming to judge my housekeeping, they shouldn't bother coming to my house (and what kind of friend/family would do that?!) after I apologized for not having the place as picked up as I'd have liked (this was just after the wedding).

But anyway, not all inlaws interfere with your marriage or household! Mine most definitely do not do that! They stay in touch (they live across the country) but they aren't invasive or controling. It sounds like Larry's got the last problem, his mil wants to control his household and how Larry and his wife do things.
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Old 07-02-2004, 02:51 PM   #15
Bungleau
40th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
Posts: 11,752
While at lunch, I had one more thought on this... put yourself in your MIL's shoes.

After running her household for (how many?) years, she's sold off everything to go to ARgentina for a while. Everything that she's known and done, everything that she's based her life on (with the exception of her husband and probably her faith) are now uprooted and gone. Scary place to be, in a lot of ways.

So where she used to run her own household, there's now nothing. How long could you go, doing absolutely nothing of substance every day? I know it sounds fun, but after the first few days, it does become a drag. She may be letting loose the frustration that she's feeling inside.

Consider setting up some guidelines, or even assigning her chores in this last week. Make her responsible for running some part of the family that you can put up with. Perhaps she's responsible for laundry, or she cooks Sunday dinner, or something like that. Besides... if you can focus her energy in a place where you don't mind, then you won't have to worry about her sending it into your business [img]smile.gif[/img]

Doesn't make it any easier, but it may give you another way to talk with her about it where you can find common ground, and not have to be adversaries about it.

Good luck...
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Old 07-04-2004, 07:21 AM   #16
Epona
Zartan
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: London, England
Age: 52
Posts: 5,164
Larry, come and cook for me, sounds as if you're a really good cook!

Try not to get too worked up mate, they'll be gone soon and it's not the best idea to have them leave with thunderclouds brewing.

Kids always love their grandparents like that - Dad lays down the rules and Grandparents let them have their own way. It's not for long and I'm sure the little 'uns will soon relearn the house rules once the grandparents have gone.

My overall feeling is that it's not worth stirring anything up with your wife's parents - just keep calm and let it all wash over you. And keep telling yourself that soon they'll be hundreds of miles away... [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Old 07-04-2004, 11:08 AM   #17
Megabot
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
 

Join Date: October 18, 2003
Location: Oslo, Norway.
Age: 61
Posts: 3,360
I would put them on a nearby hotel or something then they can visit you when you dont eat
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