Would you 'fight' for your own happiness in love?

mistral4543 · 08-03-2003, 08:31 PM

There are clearly no right or wrong answers; how you answer the questions would depend on your own values and we all have different ones [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ladyzekke · 08-03-2003, 09:06 PM

Well I voted I would fight for happiness, but the question is vague and it depending on the circumstances, I may vote no. In other words, if it was a situation (hypothetical of course) wherein I liked a guy romantically and another girl like the same guy the same way, and said guy was "undecided", I would not "fight" for said guy. I'd figure it was his decision, and the fact that he is undecided in the first place kinda says it all, as I've never been interested in people who cannot make up their minds in that respect.

As for the stuff re would I try to get some guy who was married (again hypothetical situation), big NO, or someone who had issues still with a friend of mine he previous dated, big NO there as well.

mistral4543 · 08-03-2003, 10:16 PM

I admit that the questions are rather vague; I had quite a struggle coming up with short ones that fit the length constraint and ended up with those in the poll... I'll try to be more concise the next time

I guess I'm more conservative in that I would wait for the guy to approach me (rationale: if he were interested, he would make the move - the privilege of being a guy. and if he weren't, why make a fool of myself?). I know of many peers who would scoff at my old-fashioned ways of thinking, though. It has a lot to do with my upbringing as well as the books I read (the real Jane Austen heroines didn't just strut up to the men they liked and nudge them

)

I've also heard the usual argument for having relationships with married men/women: that they're on the verge of divorce anyway and this is truly THE relationship that will last. Not that I agree with this argument, but some people really believe that they are not in the wrong.

As for risking a friendship for possible romance, I don't think I would do that especially for a friend I've known close to 10 years. I figure that if he could feel attracted to me, it should have happened over the last decade and not after that [img]tongue.gif[/img]

I do hope others could care to share their views on the subject [img]smile.gif[/img]

Ladyzekke · 08-03-2003, 10:37 PM

Mistral, I think actually the vagueness of the question will give an interesting unique set of replies and perspectives [img]smile.gif[/img]

johnny · 08-04-2003, 01:20 AM

Voted yes on all accounts. Although i normally wouldn't go for a married woman, it's impossible to control your feelings when it comes to love. People usually do stupid things at times like that.

And i'd hate to cross a friend, but if he has his eye on a girl for such a long time, and still didn't make a move, then i'll do it for him. That is of course if i'm also interrested in the same girl. It happened to me one time, a good friend was after this girl for more than a year. If it takes that long i guess it's pretty safe to say she isnt all that interrested in him. When i met her i immediately felt something for her too, and knowing the background of my friend's attempts, i asked her out on a date. She later became my girlfriend for 6 years. At first my friend said he was pissed with me, but i mean.. what took him so long ? Was he planning on waiting forever ? If i wasn't interrested in a girl, i'd never ask her out, if a friend was after her. But a year long and still nothing.... ? I mean, sorry dude, but you've had your shot.

True_Moose · 08-04-2003, 02:28 AM

Would you risk 'fight' for your own happiness?
I really have no idea what this question means. In the literal sense, I answered yes, but it depends on what you mean happiness. If I really cared about someone, I would fight for them (as I have for friends in the past), but I wouldn't get in a fight over something that might increase my happiness for no reason. Answered yes, but with clauses.

Would you approach a guy/girl who caught your eye at a party?
Have and will do again in the future. I don't really know why this is a question. I mean, it takes some guts, but there's nothing morally wrong with it, is there? Answered yes.

Would you go after a guy/girl regardless of his/her marital status?
I am one of the few people who answered yes. I wouldn't sleep with her or do anything serious, but I would be prepared to ask her to choose if I felt there really was chemistry between us. Never had this problem, not too many 16 year old brides in Canada. Answered yes.

Would you pursue a guy/girl that your good friend of many years is keen on?
This is a really tough one. Example: one of my friends was hot for a girl for a while. I was sort of attracted too. He asked her out, she said no, I ended up dating her about a month later. Nothing wrong with that. Another example. Friend of mine was working up his nerve to ask a girl out. Another, more "player" guy comes in, asks her out, she's surprised, says yes. Not acceptable to me. Ended up fighting the guy, but that's another story involving him calling my house and calling my girlfriend dirty names. Answered no.

Would you risk losing a friend if you one day regarded him/her romantically?
Been there, done that. I think that people are shallow if they call off friendships cause of that, but whatever. I probably wouldn't if it was all or nothing though. Not worth the risk of it not turning out, IMHO. Answered no.

Aelia Jusa · 08-04-2003, 03:56 AM

In most of the cases I would have preferred to vote 'it depends'. Except in the case of the married person; I would never pursue someone who was married. The only time I would even consider it was if they were separated and a divorce was pending, but even then, I think the issues that they would be going through and the problems that would be involved would make me not enter into a situation like that. I think if there was attraction in a case like that, then I would want to wait until the person had their affairs more settled.

In the other cases, it does depend on the situation. I'm not sure what the first question means - would I get 'into a fight' for happiness? Maybe? Depends how happy said fight would make me

. Not an actual fist fight though

. I might approach a guy I saw, depending on whether he had been noticing me too. I don't think I would see a guy and him be completely ignoring me and approach him anyway.

I think for the person a good friend was keen on probably not, or at least not without discussing it with her first. I mean I think if said friend had been mooning over some guy for years and never did anything about it and never intended to, there might be a chance. In other cases, no. And I voted that I would risk a friendship for a chance at a romantic relationship, but again it depends on the situation. I wouldn't risk a friendship if I thought it would only amount to sex and nothing else. But if I, and he, felt like we could have a real relationship that might be the most wonderful relationship we'd ever had? Then I think yes, I would try. I think once you realise you have strong feelings towards someone it's hard to have the exact same platonic relationship you always had even if you don't act on the feelings.

pcgiant · 08-04-2003, 03:56 AM

Re: Q5, I've totally messed up my relationship with my best friend because I've fallen in love with her...

ARGH... its so painful

mistral4543 · 08-04-2003, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by pcgiant:
Re: Q5, I've totally messed up my relationship with my best friend because I've fallen in love with her... ARGH... its so painful

Sorry to hear that, pcgiant

But do take pride in your courage to express your feelings for her. Some people don't, and end up wondering if they should have. At least you tried [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

As for the rest, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have had my own share of crushes (even on guys who were married or rumoured to have girlfriends) and recently wondered about the possibility of something going with a friend of many years (as far as I know,he's still unattached despite being wonderfully thoughtful and gentlemanly). But in all cases, I did nothing because I'm old-fashioned and face matters an awful lot to me

And I personally wouldn't go into anything serious to someone who was still married (even those awaiting the formalisation of divorce). Maybe I'm being a pessimist, but I can't wondering if he would do the same thing to me (ie, engage in a relationship while he's married) should we end up together. [img]graemlins/verysad.gif[/img]

About the first question... I don't mean literally fight, more of, are you a proactive person or laid-back like me? This is a modern world and one would expect someone who's studied abroad like me to be more open, but ever since returning home (Asia), I've kind of gone to the other extreme - being more repressed than ever :uhoh:

Larry_OHF · 08-04-2003, 12:25 PM

Got my votes in. I am sure you know me well enough to know where I voted.

P.S...only nine days left!

View Poll Results: Would you risk 'fight' for your own happiness?
Yes	25	78.13%
No	7	21.88%
Voters: 32. You may not vote on this poll

08-03-2003, 09:06 PM	#2
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Well I voted I would fight for happiness, but the question is vague and it depending on the circumstances, I may vote no. In other words, if it was a situation (hypothetical of course) wherein I liked a guy romantically and another girl like the same guy the same way, and said guy was "undecided", I would not "fight" for said guy. I'd figure it was his decision, and the fact that he is undecided in the first place kinda says it all, as I've never been interested in people who cannot make up their minds in that respect. As for the stuff re would I try to get some guy who was married (again hypothetical situation), big NO, or someone who had issues still with a friend of mine he previous dated, big NO there as well. __________________ Reality Show Recaps

08-03-2003, 10:37 PM	#4
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Mistral, I think actually the vagueness of the question will give an interesting unique set of replies and perspectives [img]smile.gif[/img] __________________ Reality Show Recaps

08-04-2003, 01:20 AM	#5
johnny 40th Level Warrior Join Date: April 15, 2002 Location: Utrecht The Netherlands Age: 58 Posts: 16,981	Voted yes on all accounts. Although i normally wouldn't go for a married woman, it's impossible to control your feelings when it comes to love. People usually do stupid things at times like that. And i'd hate to cross a friend, but if he has his eye on a girl for such a long time, and still didn't make a move, then i'll do it for him. That is of course if i'm also interrested in the same girl. It happened to me one time, a good friend was after this girl for more than a year. If it takes that long i guess it's pretty safe to say she isnt all that interrested in him. When i met her i immediately felt something for her too, and knowing the background of my friend's attempts, i asked her out on a date. She later became my girlfriend for 6 years. At first my friend said he was pissed with me, but i mean.. what took him so long ? Was he planning on waiting forever ? If i wasn't interrested in a girl, i'd never ask her out, if a friend was after her. But a year long and still nothing.... ? I mean, sorry dude, but you've had your shot. __________________

08-04-2003, 02:28 AM	#6
True_Moose Gold Dragon Join Date: June 18, 2002 Location: Wolfville, NS / Calgary, AB Age: 36 Posts: 2,563	Would you risk 'fight' for your own happiness? I really have no idea what this question means. In the literal sense, I answered yes, but it depends on what you mean happiness. If I really cared about someone, I would fight for them (as I have for friends in the past), but I wouldn't get in a fight over something that might increase my happiness for no reason. Answered yes, but with clauses. Would you approach a guy/girl who caught your eye at a party? Have and will do again in the future. I don't really know why this is a question. I mean, it takes some guts, but there's nothing morally wrong with it, is there? Answered yes. Would you go after a guy/girl regardless of his/her marital status? I am one of the few people who answered yes. I wouldn't sleep with her or do anything serious, but I would be prepared to ask her to choose if I felt there really was chemistry between us. Never had this problem, not too many 16 year old brides in Canada. Answered yes. Would you pursue a guy/girl that your good friend of many years is keen on? This is a really tough one. Example: one of my friends was hot for a girl for a while. I was sort of attracted too. He asked her out, she said no, I ended up dating her about a month later. Nothing wrong with that. Another example. Friend of mine was working up his nerve to ask a girl out. Another, more "player" guy comes in, asks her out, she's surprised, says yes. Not acceptable to me. Ended up fighting the guy, but that's another story involving him calling my house and calling my girlfriend dirty names. Answered no. Would you risk losing a friend if you one day regarded him/her romantically? Been there, done that. I think that people are shallow if they call off friendships cause of that, but whatever. I probably wouldn't if it was all or nothing though. Not worth the risk of it not turning out, IMHO. Answered no. __________________ [img]\"http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f13/true_moose/Siggy.jpg\" alt=\" - \" />

08-03-2003, 08:31 PM	#1
mistral4543 Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: September 5, 2001 Location: House of Freelight Age: 47 Posts: 3,159	There are clearly no right or wrong answers; how you answer the questions would depend on your own values and we all have different ones [img]smile.gif[/img]

08-03-2003, 10:16 PM	#3
mistral4543 Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: September 5, 2001 Location: House of Freelight Age: 47 Posts: 3,159	I admit that the questions are rather vague; I had quite a struggle coming up with short ones that fit the length constraint and ended up with those in the poll... I'll try to be more concise the next time I guess I'm more conservative in that I would wait for the guy to approach me (rationale: if he were interested, he would make the move - the privilege of being a guy. and if he weren't, why make a fool of myself?). I know of many peers who would scoff at my old-fashioned ways of thinking, though. It has a lot to do with my upbringing as well as the books I read (the real Jane Austen heroines didn't just strut up to the men they liked and nudge them ) I've also heard the usual argument for having relationships with married men/women: that they're on the verge of divorce anyway and this is truly THE relationship that will last. Not that I agree with this argument, but some people really believe that they are not in the wrong. As for risking a friendship for possible romance, I don't think I would do that especially for a friend I've known close to 10 years. I figure that if he could feel attracted to me, it should have happened over the last decade and not after that [img]tongue.gif[/img] I do hope others could care to share their views on the subject [img]smile.gif[/img]

08-04-2003, 03:56 AM	#7
Aelia Jusa Iron Throne Cult Join Date: August 23, 2001 Location: Brisbane, Australia Age: 42 Posts: 4,867	In most of the cases I would have preferred to vote 'it depends'. Except in the case of the married person; I would never pursue someone who was married. The only time I would even consider it was if they were separated and a divorce was pending, but even then, I think the issues that they would be going through and the problems that would be involved would make me not enter into a situation like that. I think if there was attraction in a case like that, then I would want to wait until the person had their affairs more settled. In the other cases, it does depend on the situation. I'm not sure what the first question means - would I get 'into a fight' for happiness? Maybe? Depends how happy said fight would make me . Not an actual fist fight though . I might approach a guy I saw, depending on whether he had been noticing me too. I don't think I would see a guy and him be completely ignoring me and approach him anyway. I think for the person a good friend was keen on probably not, or at least not without discussing it with her first. I mean I think if said friend had been mooning over some guy for years and never did anything about it and never intended to, there might be a chance. In other cases, no. And I voted that I would risk a friendship for a chance at a romantic relationship, but again it depends on the situation. I wouldn't risk a friendship if I thought it would only amount to sex and nothing else. But if I, and he, felt like we could have a real relationship that might be the most wonderful relationship we'd ever had? Then I think yes, I would try. I think once you realise you have strong feelings towards someone it's hard to have the exact same platonic relationship you always had even if you don't act on the feelings. __________________

08-04-2003, 03:56 AM	#8
pcgiant Symbol of Cyric Join Date: July 11, 2002 Location: NZ Age: 37 Posts: 1,268	Re: Q5, I've totally messed up my relationship with my best friend because I've fallen in love with her... ARGH... its so painful __________________ If possible, I want to relive my life... not as a devil. This time, someone like you.

08-04-2003, 12:25 PM	#10
Larry_OHF Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Midlands, South Carolina Age: 48 Posts: 14,759	Got my votes in. I am sure you know me well enough to know where I voted. P.S...only nine days left! __________________

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