Being 'friends' after the breakup.

The Hierophant · 08-29-2002, 05:56 AM

Howdy folks. All's well? S'good to hear.
Now, I was walking through campus just the other day when I passed by one of ex girlfriends. We were together for just over a year so it wasn't exactly an overly superficial relationship. Anyways, we broke up well over 2 years ago so there's no emotional attachment anymore or anything, but what got me a bit miffed is that when I gave her a smile and a friendly "hi Debs" (her name is Debbie) as I walked past her she just sorta turned her nose up and kept walking. Pisses me right off seeing as we said we'd be friends, or that we'd at least maintain some sort of semblance of friendly conduct. Now to be really honest I don't care so much about her individually (she's a bit of a bitch, and a loser if I may be frank), but with all of my old girlfriends we've always said (or at least I have) that we'd stay friendly (not exactly hanging out or anything, but a smile and a hello doesn't hurt), but never do. I'm not an overly resentful person (I think). I dunno, maybe they just really don't like me or something, or maybe I've done something to offend them.

OR....

maybe it's just a natural thing, and that's what you guys and gals can help me out with. How many of you all actually stay 'friends' (or at least friendLY) after you've broken up? I'm not particularly worried about my exes, they just arn't that important to me. I'm just curious is all. So, what are your thoughts?

Melusine · 08-29-2002, 06:06 AM

I know what you mean, it's nice not to have awkward or hostile situations every time you come across each other, to be able to get rid of old resentment etc.
There was one guy who I dated as a teen about whom I was really crazy, and vice versa. First time I was really madly in love. Took me about two years to get over him but we remained friends the entire time. Bit weird actually, but for some reason it worked really well. Haven't seen him in ages, but always kept in touch. Haven't talked to him in a while though, you've reminded me I should give him a call or something.

Most of the other exes I simply don't see because of distance, but luckily there was never a lot of resentment from either side. I can safely say that so far, I've never had break ups that ended in my ex and me hating each other - so it's not necessary or inevitable or anything.

The Hierophant · 08-29-2002, 06:13 AM

Heh, it's good to hear that it doesn't have to be inevitable Melusine. And give the guy a call! [img]smile.gif[/img] If he's anything like me (I had a pretty full-on relationship once as well) he'll love to hear from you. Always good to stay in touch with old flames as well as old friends.
-as an aside. You're from Holland right? More specifically Amsterdam? Would you rate it as a good place to holiday for a week or so?-

I actually do have a case where an old gf of mine and I keep on friendly, chatty terms. S'funny, the one girlfriend whom I found the least 'interesting' (that may or may not sound awful, but it's not meant to be anyways) turned out to be the nicest and least fickle of the bunch. Women eh? They're a strange breed alright [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Melusine · 08-29-2002, 06:20 AM

[img]tongue.gif[/img] Strange breed indeed. [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img]

Anyway, I'll give him a call. [img]smile.gif[/img]
Yep, usually it's really nice to hear from him and I think he likes it when I call as well - and it has been ages so I really should.
Possibly works because we were friends before we got together, that usually gives you a stronger basis to get along after you break up. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Anyway, yeah Amsterdam is great but then I'm biased, of course.

I was born here and lived in the city centre until I was 3 years old (still have some memory of that!) and moved here again when I was 19 (am 22 now). Technically I just live over the border of the city, in a suburb, but the city centre is only 15 mins away by metro.
Yes, I'd definitely say it's a nice place for a holiday - lots of museums, shops, buildings to see, and by train, you can quickly reach all kinds of other nice towns. Of course 9 in 10 tourists never make it any further than the red light district and the nearest coffee shop, but hey, whatever floats your boat. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

WOLFGIR · 08-29-2002, 06:26 AM

Well, I have an ex that I managed to keep the peace with. We split up after fie years almost, and it ended with tears and screaming and a very nasty breakup..

Since we knew each other pretty well though after five years together, we decided to try to keep it friendly, and after a year or so we could actually start gong to the same parties, have a coffee and a short chat.

The big but though is that both knew something and the relatiionship after the real relationship, it had the armlength doubled version f it, you know something doesn´t really feel right.

Well relationships and the ex, I guess it depends on both involved if you can be friends afterwards. A tango can be danced by one person, but it takes two to make it enjoyable.

08-29-2002, 06:29 AM

Hmmm, the guys I broke up with who didn't want to break up with me hate me, won't talk to me and call me names (even after 25+ years in one case). One exception there is an ex-husband who lives in Colorado. He's been trying really hard to get me to move up there and get back together with him. He should have done me right the first time around, he'd probably still have me.

The guys who broke up with me that I didn't want to break up with will still talk to me and vice-versa except for one that I can think of...he played like he didn't know me out in front of a store one day lol. His loss [img]smile.gif[/img]

The mutual break ups still have communication links and bonds of friendship (some that run pretty deep)

Then there are a bunch of guys I went to school with but never dated who just love me to death even though back then they resented me for not dating them. We talk online and on the phone quite regularly.

[ 08-29-2002, 06:30 AM: Message edited by: Moni ]

The Hierophant · 08-29-2002, 06:33 AM

Melusine-- Excellent. I'll hopefully be spending some time in Europe next year so I'll keep Amsterdam in mind on the old itinerary [img]smile.gif[/img] Yeah, all the reports I've gotten of it so far have been glowing to say the least

And...wow, you 'got together' with one of your friends? I've always though that such a thing wasn't possible [img]smile.gif[/img] I've had a few 'romantic liasons' with some of my female friends (all of which managed to make things 'weird' afterward) but nothing committal. But hey, good on ya!

[ 08-29-2002, 06:34 AM: Message edited by: The Hierophant ]

The Hierophant · 08-29-2002, 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by WOLFGIR:
Well, I have an ex that I managed to keep the peace with. We split up after fie years almost, and it ended with tears and screaming and a very nasty breakup..

Since we knew each other pretty well though after five years together, we decided to try to keep it friendly, and after a year or so we could actually start gong to the same parties, have a coffee and a short chat.

The big but though is that both knew something and the relatiionship after the real relationship, it had the armlength doubled version f it, you know something doesn´t really feel right.

Well relationships and the ex, I guess it depends on both involved if you can be friends afterwards. A tango can be danced by one person, but it takes two to make it enjoyable.

Yeah, there always seems to be that element of awkwardness to it. Well, I guess going from intimacy to buddy-like friendship is a pretty violent relationship lurch. [img]smile.gif[/img]

The Hierophant · 08-29-2002, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Moni:

The guys who broke up with me that I didn't want to break up with will still talk to me and vice-versa except for one that I can think of...he played like he didn't know me out in front of a store one day lol. His loss [img]smile.gif[/img]

It really is his loss. From what I can tell of your posts here at IW you're one hellavuh lady , heh heh. [img]smile.gif[/img]

08-29-2002, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Hierophant:
It really is his loss. From what I can tell of your posts here at IW you're one hellavuh lady , heh heh. [img]smile.gif[/img]

Awwww, Thank you!
And with the best blush I've had all week (and a big smile lol) I bid you all a wonderful morning. Its time for me to ready myself for another day at school.
*Hugs*

08-29-2002, 05:56 AM	#1
The Hierophant Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: May 10, 2002 Location: Dunedin, New Zealand. Age: 42 Posts: 2,860	Howdy folks. All's well? S'good to hear. Now, I was walking through campus just the other day when I passed by one of ex girlfriends. We were together for just over a year so it wasn't exactly an overly superficial relationship. Anyways, we broke up well over 2 years ago so there's no emotional attachment anymore or anything, but what got me a bit miffed is that when I gave her a smile and a friendly "hi Debs" (her name is Debbie) as I walked past her she just sorta turned her nose up and kept walking. Pisses me right off seeing as we said we'd be friends, or that we'd at least maintain some sort of semblance of friendly conduct. Now to be really honest I don't care so much about her individually (she's a bit of a bitch, and a loser if I may be frank), but with all of my old girlfriends we've always said (or at least I have) that we'd stay friendly (not exactly hanging out or anything, but a smile and a hello doesn't hurt), but never do. I'm not an overly resentful person (I think). I dunno, maybe they just really don't like me or something, or maybe I've done something to offend them. OR.... maybe it's just a natural thing, and that's what you guys and gals can help me out with. How many of you all actually stay 'friends' (or at least friendLY) after you've broken up? I'm not particularly worried about my exes, they just arn't that important to me. I'm just curious is all. So, what are your thoughts? __________________ [img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth!

08-29-2002, 06:06 AM	#2
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	I know what you mean, it's nice not to have awkward or hostile situations every time you come across each other, to be able to get rid of old resentment etc. There was one guy who I dated as a teen about whom I was really crazy, and vice versa. First time I was really madly in love. Took me about two years to get over him but we remained friends the entire time. Bit weird actually, but for some reason it worked really well. Haven't seen him in ages, but always kept in touch. Haven't talked to him in a while though, you've reminded me I should give him a call or something. Most of the other exes I simply don't see because of distance, but luckily there was never a lot of resentment from either side. I can safely say that so far, I've never had break ups that ended in my ex and me hating each other - so it's not necessary or inevitable or anything. __________________ [img]\"hosted/melusine.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Your voice is ambrosia

08-29-2002, 06:13 AM	#3
The Hierophant Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: May 10, 2002 Location: Dunedin, New Zealand. Age: 42 Posts: 2,860	Heh, it's good to hear that it doesn't have to be inevitable Melusine. And give the guy a call! [img]smile.gif[/img] If he's anything like me (I had a pretty full-on relationship once as well) he'll love to hear from you. Always good to stay in touch with old flames as well as old friends. -as an aside. You're from Holland right? More specifically Amsterdam? Would you rate it as a good place to holiday for a week or so?- I actually do have a case where an old gf of mine and I keep on friendly, chatty terms. S'funny, the one girlfriend whom I found the least 'interesting' (that may or may not sound awful, but it's not meant to be anyways) turned out to be the nicest and least fickle of the bunch. Women eh? They're a strange breed alright [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth!

08-29-2002, 06:20 AM	#4
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	[img]tongue.gif[/img] Strange breed indeed. [img]graemlins/idontagreeatall.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/hehe.gif[/img] Anyway, I'll give him a call. [img]smile.gif[/img] Yep, usually it's really nice to hear from him and I think he likes it when I call as well - and it has been ages so I really should. Possibly works because we were friends before we got together, that usually gives you a stronger basis to get along after you break up. [img]smile.gif[/img] Anyway, yeah Amsterdam is great but then I'm biased, of course. I was born here and lived in the city centre until I was 3 years old (still have some memory of that!) and moved here again when I was 19 (am 22 now). Technically I just live over the border of the city, in a suburb, but the city centre is only 15 mins away by metro. Yes, I'd definitely say it's a nice place for a holiday - lots of museums, shops, buildings to see, and by train, you can quickly reach all kinds of other nice towns. Of course 9 in 10 tourists never make it any further than the red light district and the nearest coffee shop, but hey, whatever floats your boat. [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ [img]\"hosted/melusine.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Your voice is ambrosia

08-29-2002, 06:26 AM	#5
WOLFGIR Bastet - Egyptian Cat Goddess Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Sweden Age: 50 Posts: 3,450	Well, I have an ex that I managed to keep the peace with. We split up after fie years almost, and it ended with tears and screaming and a very nasty breakup.. Since we knew each other pretty well though after five years together, we decided to try to keep it friendly, and after a year or so we could actually start gong to the same parties, have a coffee and a short chat. The big but though is that both knew something and the relatiionship after the real relationship, it had the armlength doubled version f it, you know something doesn´t really feel right. Well relationships and the ex, I guess it depends on both involved if you can be friends afterwards. A tango can be danced by one person, but it takes two to make it enjoyable. __________________ Don´t eat the yellow snow

08-29-2002, 06:29 AM	#6
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Hmmm, the guys I broke up with who didn't want to break up with me hate me, won't talk to me and call me names (even after 25+ years in one case). One exception there is an ex-husband who lives in Colorado. He's been trying really hard to get me to move up there and get back together with him. He should have done me right the first time around, he'd probably still have me. The guys who broke up with me that I didn't want to break up with will still talk to me and vice-versa except for one that I can think of...he played like he didn't know me out in front of a store one day lol. His loss [img]smile.gif[/img] The mutual break ups still have communication links and bonds of friendship (some that run pretty deep) Then there are a bunch of guys I went to school with but never dated who just love me to death even though back then they resented me for not dating them. We talk online and on the phone quite regularly. [ 08-29-2002, 06:30 AM: Message edited by: Moni ]

08-29-2002, 06:33 AM	#7
The Hierophant Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: May 10, 2002 Location: Dunedin, New Zealand. Age: 42 Posts: 2,860	Melusine-- Excellent. I'll hopefully be spending some time in Europe next year so I'll keep Amsterdam in mind on the old itinerary [img]smile.gif[/img] Yeah, all the reports I've gotten of it so far have been glowing to say the least And...wow, you 'got together' with one of your friends? I've always though that such a thing wasn't possible [img]smile.gif[/img] I've had a few 'romantic liasons' with some of my female friends (all of which managed to make things 'weird' afterward) but nothing committal. But hey, good on ya! [ 08-29-2002, 06:34 AM: Message edited by: The Hierophant ] __________________ [img]\"hosted/Hierophant.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /><br />Strewth!

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