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Old 05-01-2001, 05:00 PM   #11
Vaskez
Takhisis Follower
 

Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
ROTFLMAO!! I'll be back with some more if I can find them
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Old 05-01-2001, 05:11 PM   #12
Vaskez
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Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
Ok these aren't the best but with so many crappy jokes on this page, no one will notice:

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

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Old 05-01-2001, 06:02 PM   #13
RudeDawg
20th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 54
Posts: 2,830




------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
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Old 05-01-2001, 06:19 PM   #14
Rikard
Guest
 

Posts: n/a
Ehm sorry to break your fun...
But i Knida dislike Christmas
I'm a openbeliever and thus i celebrate NO holidays (unless school forces me to to take the day of )

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The Githyanki Necromancer/Assassin - New and Improved
 
Old 05-01-2001, 06:31 PM   #15
Ladyzekke
Ironworks Atomic Moderator
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
Age: 57
Posts: 9,005
000000;">Great Jokes!


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Old 05-01-2001, 08:16 PM   #16
Vaskez
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Join Date: April 30, 2001
Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now)
Posts: 5,089
Hehe, I read this somewhere that these things were actually said in courts of law during proper trials in the USA (dunno how true this is):


Lawyer: could u describe briefly what happened?
Witness: well the first car reversed out of the driveway and straight into the side of the other car which was moving slowly down the road.
Lawyer: and how far apart were the cars at the time of the collision?
________

Lawyer: so the date of conception of your baby was august the 12th?
defendant: yes
Lawyer: and what were you doing at this time?
________

Lawyer: so he had 3 children you say?
witness: yes
Lawyer: How many were boys?
witness: none
Lawyer: were there any girls?
________

Lawyer: was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
________

Lawyer: you were there until the time you left, is this true?
________
Lawyer: were you present when your picture was taken?
________
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Old 05-01-2001, 08:37 PM   #17
Charlie
Lord Ao
 

Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: London, England
Age: 30
Posts: 2,021
I can believe all of those.

I actually had a rather large dig at three pathetic magistrates (part time judges) that were trying me a few years ago. I changed my plea from not guilty to guilty and the sons of bitches wouldn't accept it, nor would they release me until the case was done.

I told them that I was being tried by the butcher the baker and the candlestick maker and I wouldn't take any further part in the proceedings. They topped up fining me Ł1000 or US$1500 in the end. They still haven't received a penny piece of it to this day......bastards.

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One love, peace.
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Old 05-01-2001, 09:45 PM   #18
Sazerac
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Monroe, LA
Age: 60
Posts: 7,387
Oh, Charlie! How that Monk joke reminds me of one I heard a long, long time ago.

A man joined an abbey to become a monk. Taking a vow of silence, he was only allowed to say two words every 10 years.

At the end of his first ten years, he was allowed to stand up and speak his two words. His words were, "Bed hard."

The abbott nodded and motioned for him to leave.

After being about his duties for another ten years in silence, the monk returned to say his two words. Again he rose, and uttered, "Food bad."

Again, the abbott nodded, and dismissed him.

Finally, after 30 years since he had first come to the abbey, came the third time for him to speak. Walking into the abbotts' chambers, he said his two words, "I quit."

The abbott looked at him. "High time, too," he said. "All you've done since you've gotten here is bitch."

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Old 05-01-2001, 10:04 PM   #19
Charlie
Lord Ao
 

Join Date: March 3, 2001
Location: London, England
Age: 30
Posts: 2,021
ROTFLMAO Sazerac.

I'll stick that one in the portfolio. Nice to see you again btw, also nice to see you picked up BG2. (I replied to your thread in that forum earlier today.)

Hope your enjoying it buddy.

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One love, peace.
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