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Old 08-15-2001, 05:54 AM   #1
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 40
Posts: 5,556
since you guys want me to make a post of this then i will

what do you guys think of this saying??

"better to have loved and be hurt than never to have loved at all"

i would like to hear your views before i make my own opinion...



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Old 08-15-2001, 06:26 AM   #2
Memnoch
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Join Date: February 28, 2001
Location: Boston/Sydney
Posts: 11,771
Absolutely agree.

My girlfriend Taryn was the one who said this to me, fifteen months ago. We'd met (in a nightclub of all places) and hit it off and had very strong feelings and a lot of chemistry with each other, but I didn't want to make a commitment to her since she was going back to Canada in four months and she travels the world as part of her work. I didn't want to set myself up for a fall, you know? But after one boozy night we got to talking about this stuff, and she said that to me. I realized, despite (or perhaps because of) my alchohol-induced haze how true that was. Win, lose or draw, it was up to me to make the most out of the relationship, because life's too short to worry about what might have been.

I now feel as though the three months that we spent together was time that really enriched me and added so much value and learning to my life and if I hadn't decided to give it a go back then I would be the poorer for it. She's since been travelling the world and is back in Canada but is coming back to Sydney this summer and when we parted at Sydney Airport last year it was with smiles as we were just parting in body, not in spirit. She's my soulmate and we speak often. And even if we don't speak every week when we do speak it's like we've never been apart.

So I don't see myself as having "loved and lost" so to speak, because I don't think I've lost anything. Even if it doesn't work out in the end and we find out that we're not meant to be together, I've learned so much from this experience and it's made me a better person.

Every experience, every relationship, every fling that you have with someone is teaching you something about yourself and about the person that you will one day spend the rest of your life with. It's up to YOU to take advantage of that learning and enrich yourself as a result of it, come what may.

You'll never know if you don't give it a go!


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[This message has been edited by Memnoch (edited 08-15-2001).]
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Old 08-15-2001, 06:35 AM   #3
Sigmar
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Join Date: May 17, 2001
Location: N/a
Posts: 4,222
Take the chance, dont look back at your life one day and regret that you had a chance to love and never took it. Its an experience. Good saying.

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Old 08-15-2001, 07:00 AM   #4
WOLFGIR
Bastet - Egyptian Cat Goddess
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Sweden
Age: 50
Posts: 3,450
Hmm, well depends on how hurt you get I suppose.

But well, I think that even if it hurt me alot to have lost what was my lifeline, I still donīt want to have it undone for several reasons I donīt intend to bring up here.

But love when it excists and grows is a wonderful thing and worth to take care of. You will miss it when it is over. The trick is to try to get out of the deal with something for yourself. Friendship, experience anda memory of being part of something that ruled out most other logic reasons

So well, I have to say that it is true, but to find the truth in it depends on every individual person and what wen down. It is hard to find any truth just after it is gone. I hated that saying for a year or two, still donīt lik it, probably because it is true..

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Old 08-15-2001, 09:05 AM   #5
Harkoliar
Jack Burton
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney
Age: 40
Posts: 5,556
haha i guess youve been preparing that speech for this thread Memnoch

time to get a little serious... lemme see

i whole heartedly agree to all of you that it is indeed better to have loved and lost... BUT to make it a little interesting.. (although i know that this will be losing side argument)... ill try to debate myself with "better to have not loved at all" thingie because i really would like to keep an open mind about this kind of topic.

first and foremost, all people desire for love. that is almost a fact, a thoery and the truth. i do not mean that love is only based sexually mind all of you. im sure all of you know that love is can come in different forms that is why priest,monks, children and other people (with not having sexual preferences based on love) have thier own kind of love. priest and monks have thier love on thier fellow man and woman, GOD and other stuff. single parents have thier own love with thier parents, children and friends. now, hermits and enuach (i think that is the word) love what they desire the most (although i think this borders on personality disorder why they are like that) i will not go into this one since i do not know exactly why hermits and enauch enter into this kind of profession (if its even one).

now im speaking about love, what is indeed love. some people explain that it is just chemistry and hormones that you will have the "need" to procreate, take care of your children and live till you drop. love is such a vague word for all of us. (im trying to look at this at a practical and scientifically point of view). ive just entered college and taking my first Philosophy class and this class have indeed shown me very interesting ideas. ideas that boggle your mind and make you grow insane just by thinking about it. to say that man needs to love is a lie. it is a choice whether man (woman) desires love. they say that no man is a island. that is true because man needs to have other people to survive. BUT that does not mean that he has to LOVE to survive. i do know that man is a social person. face it, you have to encounter at LEAST one person in your entire life in order for you to know that you are even human, to know that you are even born. (i dont want to hear the argument with jungle book as its base ). but that does not mean you LOVE him/her

now to go the phrase "better to have not loved at all" can be true for some people. some people have been hurt at past because of love (basing on sexual, soul-mate and friendship love not the parents or friends) and because of thier grief and depression, they have commited suicide. now shall i ask you people, is it better to have loved and be hurt?? well he/she will be hurt with love that im sure. but the sad fact is that some people cant handle these kinds of love and go bye bye forever. is it worth it, now i ask all of you?? thier funeral says thier hurt and grief, the rejection will then show blood. love is a dangerous thing for all people. it has many deceptions and many faces. true that you love someone with all your heart, but does that he/she loves you in return with the same intensity?

all of us know the sad truth that there is alot of divorces going around, the reason? alot of them will say, because i thought he/she loved me and now he/she left me, because i thought they cared for me and then you found out that he/she is a complete asshole that you cant stand it. because and because but its not the way he/she wanted will always expect. mind you that those kind of reasons are all interelated with one another with love. thier love is based on sex and once the sex play is over, what happens?? you think that the ultimate form of love is based on sex. WRONG!! that is what happens to people and that is why marriages drift apart because people THOUGHT they loved each other.

sure sure, you think that love is great, great feeling like a drug in which you are longing to have. try to find love, get suffering, try to get more love, more suffering. there are very few people who reach even the 3rd to 4th stage of love (out of the five stages of love in which the fifth one is the ultimate) in which i congratulate those people . to say that love is the best a person can have is true ONLY if you are able to achieve it in the first place and who can truly understand the meaning of LOVE.

another thing is that love is a deception to those people who think they feel that they are loved. plain and simple, you can be used because of love, you can become a property because of love, you can be a piece of trash because of love. classic example? people who think that they are in love will do anything to get the same attention from the other sex (or same sex if you wish to put in) right? those people will take advantage on you, take you money with false marriage, treat you like dirt because they know that they are using you for thier own personal goals. another example? poor guy, rich girl. guy marries girl (when the girl thinks that its really love) what happens? guy runs off with money and another girl, leaves a broken girl behind with children with no more or measly money. love indeed has many deceptions.

suffering happens because of love. our society is in shambles because of love. there is violence, homicide, revenge, orphans, homeless, the hopeless, the depressed, the insane, the suicidal..because of love. now i ask you all, "better to have not love at all" will it indeed change our society here today? to have not loved at all will have changed all of that and our soceity would not have all these kinds of suffering.

pant pant (aching fingers, with an achin head) i know that this is a little extreme and i know that there is going to be debate on what i have said. but please critisize but dont hate it just because you dont want to believe and just hate my guts for posting this. i want a reason. i believe that keeping an open mind with everything and ive exhausted my main reason with supporting the latter part of the statement "better to have not loved at all". i do hope you people will at LEAST keep an open mind to what i have said. nighty night (its night time here.. yawn, so dont expect an immediate reply pretty soon) and i really do believe that you do need love but i know people believe on that so i just want to keep an open mind to the latter part.

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Old 08-15-2001, 10:10 AM   #6
Conan
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Harkoliar:
[suffering happens because of love. our society is in shambles because of love. there is violence, homicide, revenge, orphans, homeless, the hopeless, the depressed, the insane, the suicidal..because of love. now i ask you all, "better to have not love at all" will it indeed change our society here today? to have not loved at all will have changed all of that and our soceity would not have all these kinds of suffering.]
Love has never left me in any of these circumstances Harkoliar. What is your definition of Love? To me this world would not be worth living in it if there was no love at all. In deed and in truth is where I start to look for it. Very intresting post! I think the most valid description of love is in Corinthians in the new testament of the Bible. My opinion only. ------------------
*\Conan/*



[This message has been edited by Conan (edited 08-15-2001).]
 
Old 08-15-2001, 10:13 AM   #7
Rikard
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Posts: n/a
ack..
All i can say is
Even if you don't want to love
You will be hurt anyway
So I Agree

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Old 08-15-2001, 11:07 AM   #8
Moni
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Posts: n/a
I like to look at it more as "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".
Loss doesn't have to hurt when you can walk away from the relationship with a deeper understanding of how different people are and maybe a lesson or two in life that you acquired from knowing said person(s).
Sure, the separation is hard to adjust to sometimes and there can be hurt involved but reflection on the experience does not have to remain in a negative light.


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Old 08-15-2001, 11:18 AM   #9
Jerome
Knight of the Rose
 

Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Scotland
Age: 37
Posts: 4,418
Being the cynical teenage deppersionist that i am i would have to say no its not true.

But then again, what the hell do i know? Heed the words of those wiser than me

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Old 08-15-2001, 11:23 AM   #10
Memnoch
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: February 28, 2001
Location: Boston/Sydney
Posts: 11,771
Quote:
Originally posted by Rikard:
ack..
All i can say is
Even if you don't want to love
You will be hurt anyway
So I Agree

Rikard, for someone who's the age you are and doesn't have English as a first language you never cease to amaze me with your insights. I don't know how you manage to say it in a few phrases. Are you related to Confucius or something???



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