I cannot believe this - Page 5

Epona · 10-30-2001, 05:11 AM

250, sorry you are having a difficult time mate.

I just want to tell you a story which may help.

My bf gets really upset with me if I remind him to do stuff. 'Don't forget to do this', 'remember to feed the budgie' that kind of thing. This is not because he is upset with me caring about him. But he has low confidence in his own abilities - he thinks he is not very clever (although he is). To him, if I say 'don't forget to feed the budgie'he hears 'I know you're not clever enough to remember to feed the budgie yourself, so I'm reminding you'.

It used to make me mad that he would get upset about this, until I came to understand why he got upset. It was not about what I was doing, it was because he thought that my reminders were a sign that I thought he was stupid. He isn't, and I never for a moment thought he was stupid. Once I realised that, it was easier to stop doing it - it didn't involve bending over backward or changing myself, or anything like that.

Just a thought.

------------------

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Epona of The Laughing Hyenas
Proud winner of the 'Most Useless Post 250 Has Ever Seen' Award 2001. "I'd just like to thank my friends and family, without whom none of this would have been possible..."

Bahamut · 10-30-2001, 08:20 AM

Well... all I can say is... I hope she gets to understand your love for her because right now I think it is confusing her...

------------------

Mithril Cavalier of ALSB
You almost had me? You never had me! You never had your car! It is not about winning by a mile or by an inch, its about winning.
Once Upon A Paper

250 · 10-30-2001, 11:51 AM

Epona, Bahamut

thanks

whats confusion in this situation is, she is a very smart person, and she knows it! maybe deep down in her heart, she thinks she is not worthy/intelligent (how can I know?) but appaerantly she is very confident and self-sufficient

probally you are right, deep inside of her, she has a low self image/esteem
sigh, how do I find out?

once again, thank you so much

[This message has been edited by 250 (edited 10-30-2001).]

Epona · 10-30-2001, 11:59 AM

250, I think you are doing fine. How old is she? Because many girls go through huge uncertainty in their teens (as I'm sure many boys do, although I don't have first hand experience, being a girl!!).

Be patient and caring - if she says that she doesn't like this or that, then if we are just talking about little things (like reminding her about stuff) then it won't be too much effort for you to change it - just don't try to change yourself in ways that run against your nature etc (as Lord of Alcohol said earlier - he has a point).

Relationships are always best and most rewarding if both partners can learn to make small compromises. Give and take is important. Good luck mate

------------------

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Epona of The Laughing Hyenas
Proud winner of the 'Most Useless Post 250 Has Ever Seen' Award 2001. "I'd just like to thank my friends and family, without whom none of this would have been possible..."

250 · 10-30-2001, 12:07 PM

thanks, she is 19...

once again, thank you very much

Epona · 10-30-2001, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 250:
thanks, she is 19...

once again, thank you very much

You're welcome.
FWIW, I hated being 19. Adult, but without the experience of being adult. And still treated as though I were a kid by many people. I much prefer being 30

------------------

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

Epona of The Laughing Hyenas
Proud winner of the 'Most Useless Post 250 Has Ever Seen' Award 2001. "I'd just like to thank my friends and family, without whom none of this would have been possible..."

Lifetime · 10-31-2001, 11:57 AM

250, from previous experience, you shouldnt really take how a girl behaves on a date as an indicator of mood or behavior. They leave even more "hurts" untouched than we do.
I think sometimes that girls have trouble expressing themselves directly to your face, and they feel that the internet is an easy way to communicate. So while you might think they're being confusing/hypocritical, be happy that they're actually behaving in person because 1. the love you and 2. they're too shy. The internet is faceless, voiceless and as the girls I know hope, emotionless and consequence free.
Some girls just dont talk so well in person/over the phone..deal with it I guess..
I've had a girlfriend who had SERIOUS problem speaking to me in person/phone. I lost my patience with her all the time because all she'd do is shut up and not say anything for minutes..
Then I've had a girl who didnt mind speaking her mind to me in person. Its the luck of the draw friend..
Us guys are pawns of fate and PMS.

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No-Name Face

250 · 10-31-2001, 12:06 PM

Lifetime... thanks ...

I mean, wow, that is great of what you said, I mean, really, I've enevr looked at it from such a light. a lot of appreciation to you!!

10-30-2001, 05:11 AM	#41
Epona Zartan Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 53 Posts: 5,164	250, sorry you are having a difficult time mate. I just want to tell you a story which may help. My bf gets really upset with me if I remind him to do stuff. 'Don't forget to do this', 'remember to feed the budgie' that kind of thing. This is not because he is upset with me caring about him. But he has low confidence in his own abilities - he thinks he is not very clever (although he is). To him, if I say 'don't forget to feed the budgie'he hears 'I know you're not clever enough to remember to feed the budgie yourself, so I'm reminding you'. It used to make me mad that he would get upset about this, until I came to understand why he got upset. It was not about what I was doing, it was because he thought that my reminders were a sign that I thought he was stupid. He isn't, and I never for a moment thought he was stupid. Once I realised that, it was easier to stop doing it - it didn't involve bending over backward or changing myself, or anything like that. Just a thought. ------------------ Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Epona of The Laughing Hyenas Proud winner of the 'Most Useless Post 250 Has Ever Seen' Award 2001. "I'd just like to thank my friends and family, without whom none of this would have been possible..."

10-30-2001, 08:20 AM	#42
Bahamut Iron Throne Cult Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Manila, Philippines Age: 39 Posts: 4,864	Well... all I can say is... I hope she gets to understand your love for her because right now I think it is confusing her... ------------------ Mithril Cavalier of ALSB You almost had me? You never had me! You never had your car! It is not about winning by a mile or by an inch, its about winning. Once Upon A Paper

10-30-2001, 11:51 AM	#43
250 Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: either CA or MO Age: 42 Posts: 2,674	Epona, Bahamut thanks whats confusion in this situation is, she is a very smart person, and she knows it! maybe deep down in her heart, she thinks she is not worthy/intelligent (how can I know?) but appaerantly she is very confident and self-sufficient probally you are right, deep inside of her, she has a low self image/esteem sigh, how do I find out? once again, thank you so much [This message has been edited by 250 (edited 10-30-2001).]

10-30-2001, 11:59 AM	#44
Epona Zartan Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 53 Posts: 5,164	250, I think you are doing fine. How old is she? Because many girls go through huge uncertainty in their teens (as I'm sure many boys do, although I don't have first hand experience, being a girl!!). Be patient and caring - if she says that she doesn't like this or that, then if we are just talking about little things (like reminding her about stuff) then it won't be too much effort for you to change it - just don't try to change yourself in ways that run against your nature etc (as Lord of Alcohol said earlier - he has a point). Relationships are always best and most rewarding if both partners can learn to make small compromises. Give and take is important. Good luck mate ------------------ Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Epona of The Laughing Hyenas Proud winner of the 'Most Useless Post 250 Has Ever Seen' Award 2001. "I'd just like to thank my friends and family, without whom none of this would have been possible..."

10-30-2001, 12:07 PM	#45
250 Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: either CA or MO Age: 42 Posts: 2,674	thanks, she is 19... once again, thank you very much

10-31-2001, 11:57 AM	#47
Lifetime Red Dragon Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: Scotch College, Melbourne Posts: 1,503	250, from previous experience, you shouldnt really take how a girl behaves on a date as an indicator of mood or behavior. They leave even more "hurts" untouched than we do. I think sometimes that girls have trouble expressing themselves directly to your face, and they feel that the internet is an easy way to communicate. So while you might think they're being confusing/hypocritical, be happy that they're actually behaving in person because 1. the love you and 2. they're too shy. The internet is faceless, voiceless and as the girls I know hope, emotionless and consequence free. Some girls just dont talk so well in person/over the phone..deal with it I guess.. I've had a girlfriend who had SERIOUS problem speaking to me in person/phone. I lost my patience with her all the time because all she'd do is shut up and not say anything for minutes.. Then I've had a girl who didnt mind speaking her mind to me in person. Its the luck of the draw friend.. Us guys are pawns of fate and PMS. ------------------ No-Name Face

10-31-2001, 12:06 PM	#48
250 Horus - Egyptian Sky God Join Date: March 4, 2001 Location: either CA or MO Age: 42 Posts: 2,674	Lifetime... thanks ... I mean, wow, that is great of what you said, I mean, really, I've enevr looked at it from such a light. a lot of appreciation to you!!

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