A bunch of oldies...

Arvon · 06-13-2004, 09:38 AM

Poorly Written Classified Ads

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

RoSs_bg2_rox · 06-13-2004, 10:11 AM

lol, they're quite good, havent actually heard any of them before!

[ 06-13-2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: RoSs_bg2_rox ]

06-13-2004, 10:27 AM

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. <- LOL

Vaskez · 06-13-2004, 10:33 AM

yeah they're pretty funny, but I find people who don't know the difference between "there", "their" and "they're" even funnier [img]tongue.gif[/img]

RoSs_bg2_rox · 06-13-2004, 10:36 AM

OI!

Grojlach · 06-13-2004, 10:48 AM

Yikes. I actually chuckled at one of Arvon's posts... I think that's a first - must be slipping.

Vaskez · 06-13-2004, 11:14 AM

Oh no Groj, what is the world coming to?? You actually laughed?? How will you maintain your dignity and serious respectable image at this rate? [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Grojlach · 06-13-2004, 11:17 AM

Probably by what I usually do - drink lots of vinegar.

Black Baron · 06-13-2004, 12:14 PM

Great post, Arvon!!

LOL!

Kakero · 06-13-2004, 01:37 PM

Very nice Arvon. LOL.

06-13-2004, 09:38 AM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Poorly Written Classified Ads 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. __________________ 53.7% of all statistics are made up

06-13-2004, 10:11 AM	#2
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	lol, they're quite good, havent actually heard any of them before! [ 06-13-2004, 10:38 AM: Message edited by: RoSs_bg2_rox ] __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

06-13-2004, 10:33 AM	#4
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	yeah they're pretty funny, but I find people who don't know the difference between "there", "their" and "they're" even funnier [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

06-13-2004, 10:36 AM	#5
RoSs_bg2_rox Zartan Join Date: May 20, 2003 Location: Near Aberdeen, Scotland Age: 34 Posts: 5,225	OI! __________________ [img]\"http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/ladyzekke/dragonwater2.gif\" alt=\" - \" />

06-13-2004, 11:14 AM	#7
Vaskez Takhisis Follower Join Date: April 30, 2001 Location: szép Magyarország (well not right now) Posts: 5,089	Oh no Groj, what is the world coming to?? You actually laughed?? How will you maintain your dignity and serious respectable image at this rate? [img]tongue.gif[/img] __________________ Too set in his ways to ever relate If he could set that aside, there'd be heaven to pay But weathered and aged, time swept him to grave Love conquers all? Damn, I'd say that area's gray

06-13-2004, 10:27 AM	#3
TyranyuZ Guest Posts: n/a	Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. <- LOL

06-13-2004, 10:48 AM	#6
Grojlach Zartan Join Date: May 2, 2001 Location: Ulpia Noviomagus Batavorum Age: 43 Posts: 5,281	Yikes. I actually chuckled at one of Arvon's posts... I think that's a first - must be slipping.

06-13-2004, 11:17 AM	#8
Grojlach Zartan Join Date: May 2, 2001 Location: Ulpia Noviomagus Batavorum Age: 43 Posts: 5,281	Probably by what I usually do - drink lots of vinegar.

06-13-2004, 12:14 PM	#9
Black Baron Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: September 7, 2003 Location: Israel Age: 39 Posts: 877	Great post, Arvon!! LOL! __________________ Case from my reservist service: Kids attention, I have brought you something... Don't pull that ring private!!

06-13-2004, 01:37 PM	#10
Kakero 40th Level Warrior Join Date: March 24, 2002 Posts: 10,215	Very nice Arvon. LOL.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Some new.. but others are oldies but goodies :)	Harkoliar	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	9	01-23-2005 07:51 PM
A bunch of Truism (several oldies)	Arvon	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	7	11-15-2004 09:10 PM
Oldies but Goodies	Nightowl2	Miscellaneous Games (RPG or not)	30	09-18-2003 04:34 PM
forum oldies who?	waverider	Baldurs Gate II: Shadows of Amn & Throne of Bhaal	12	06-18-2003 02:47 PM
Take My Wife Please!!! (OK so they're oldies)	Arvon	General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005)	4	06-25-2002 10:51 PM