help needed

Drake · 08-18-2001, 04:50 AM

About three weeks ago I was going to brag about this school but the server was down. I was going to say how great it was that I was leaving home and going to a great bording school with free internet at 240KB per second and a great system in english. Well I'm here and it's not all it was supposed to be. I did get everything that was promised but the problem is that I've been here for two weeks now and I have no one to talk to. I've never had this problem before. I have never been the most popular of people but I have never had trouble making friends. When every one arived at the school they all hit it off great with each other. they are great people I just had nothing to say to them. that is they have a very different sense of humar. I personaly have moved a lot so I am use to meating new people but what makes this so different is that I am realy trying to find some one to talk to but they don't want to talk to me. for example we where on this bus trip to get to know every one better. well there is this group of people just joking around and having fun well I go over there and try to join in. the first person I say anything to just turns sylent and humble he mutters "ya ya" then turns to the nearest person and starts joking again. that is how it has been going the hole time I have been here. I have never seen anything like this before nor do I have any idea what to do about it. just one more thing to make matters worse. last night there was this school party. every one went out drinking and to clubs. now for once when I try to join in on the fun they responded (and all it took was them being piss drunk) they where trying to include me but I was so sick(not from drinking since I didn't)and I had a big headache so I say goodbye and try to leave. as I'm about to leave they all start acusing me of hating the class and say that's why I'm leaving so soon. well of course I deny it and leave. I think they took it person that I left. I have'nt seen any one since then so I don't now how they took it for shur but... I have to live and go to school with these people for the next three years and I as of yet have not one person I can talk to.

I wrote this in the hopes that some one might be able to give me some advise or somthing to put. I just don't know what to do. thanks in advance.

------------------

Drake A.K.A. bocaj

debiler · 08-18-2001, 05:16 AM

That´s tough, really. I don´t have many friends, too. But the ones I got like me the way I am, although I´m a bit strange. I´m sure you´re strange, too, because everybody is. Just don´t try to force them to like you. If they have a different sense of humor, try talking about more serious things(NOT the weather!). And when there´s a "ya, ya" situation, first think, then talk. Believe me, I know that very well. It may not be the best advice, but I think you have to give yourself a little more time. And don´t be importunate, because that could destroy everything.
You´ll always be welcome here, that´s for sure.
Heads up!

------------------
Calvin the bold

the malt beer lord is back!

Istaron · 08-18-2001, 06:08 AM

Well, when arriving to a new school, it usually takes me... say, two or three years before I get any good friends... just hang in there, some day you'll find some people thinking like you do! In the meantime... Istaron will be there or you

------------------
We call him Bobby Corwen

Bahamut · 08-18-2001, 08:27 AM

I have a good one: Who cares?

Do not take it that way, take in your case... You are you and they are them, If you are naturally charismatic, take it to your advantage... let them come to you... be a friend, talk if talked to... that's just it. I mean, yes they are a bunch of idiots as of now, but once you get those high grades, women, or whatever sport or won some competition, I bet they will go running into you...

Another advice: CONFIDENCE.

"Who cares? All I know is I am cute and cool that people will come to ME." 'Nuff said

------------------

My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

Moridin · 08-18-2001, 08:44 AM

Hey Drake

Great to see you here again!

Don't worry about the school thing. I have had the same problem everywhere I go. Some people just seem to hit it off well together with everyone, while others are better to be alone or have one or two close friends. It is nothing against you, it just takes time. My advice would be to find a couple of other people (or even just one) that is in the same boat as you are (being excluded or not fully included) and talk with them, invite them out, whatever...as the saying goes, there is strength in numbers. Once you have one or two better friends the shyness goes away and you can start to hang out with more people, b/c then you are not worrying b/c you at least have someone to talk to if everyone else ignores you.

At my work right now, I am kind of new and a few 'groups' of younger people have already formed, so I never felt right going along with them to do things, but then a new girl started and she was in the same predicament, so I made friends with her and now we go to things together (bar, parties, lunches) and we both feel a little more 'included'

It will work out for you, just give it time...and until then, you always have us on the forum

------------------

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig
I've got to admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time

Istaron · 08-18-2001, 08:45 AM

There is a swedish book by Jan Guillou called Ondskan (translated to a cuple of languages)... Not exactly your case, but read it! It gives some interessting wievs

------------------
We call him Bobby Corwen

Bahamut · 08-18-2001, 08:47 AM

BTW, be spontaneous, and carefree and loud!!! Humor!!! Don't be shy of what people may think.. just don't act like a dork.. act natural and smooth... I am sure once they get to know you...

------------------

My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

Drake · 08-18-2001, 03:36 PM

thanks debiler, Istaron, Bahamut, Moridin. It's great to know there is still one place I can go when I need to talk

debiler: I think I read you loud and clear but realy I think it might be impossible for me to say more than two sentences without making a joke

but ok I think I should try.

Istaron: "just hang in there, some day you'll find some people thinking like you do!" I hope not!! do you have any idea how much anarchy there would be with two people thinking like me

Bahamut: I think I get your point but I think in my case I should care. I mean I do have to spend three years living and going to school with these people. I can't just wait in hope that they will come to me. As for your "CONFIDENCE" advise, I say ya that's always a good thing. you seam very confident and I must say I admire that very much. oh and one more thing I am (at times) very carefree, loud and spontaneous surtenly not shy so I don't think that's the problem but I can't help but act like a dork

Moridin: I have thought about finding some one "in the same boat" but realy I can't seam to find any one. all well there must be some one out there I'll just have to keep looking. but hey I'm glad things are working out for you and your friend. again I must say I don't think shyness is my problem.

thanks again people I fell a lot better now

------------------

Drake A.K.A. bocaj

Harkoliar · 08-19-2001, 06:54 AM

i may be a wee bit late in saying my 2 cents but better late than never.

i just started college in a new school. at the start, it was pretty scary. im one of you who can consider a "shy and silent" type of guy. takes me a while to open up to people. guess what? i made friends with those people who have the similar characteristics as i have. the way i see it, friends come to you as you go to your friends... (kinda vague lemme explain it for ya). i belive that people eventually become friends and it is not a instant friendship thingie. time is always the best thing about friendship. the more people know about you, the better it is for you to know about them... eventually you will find your friends, when the very least expect it.

------------------
Revived I Am to hunt this world... Banish ye evil or face my wrath...

debiler · 08-19-2001, 07:20 AM

No, you misunderstood me, Drake. Jokes are allowed if they are good and fitting. You only mustn´t make them think you´re a jerk

. Got my point?

------------------
Calvin the bold

the malt beer lord is back!

08-19-2001, 07:20 AM	#10
debiler Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: May 6, 2001 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Age: 44 Posts: 811	No, you misunderstood me, Drake. Jokes are allowed if they are good and fitting. You only mustn´t make them think you´re a jerk. Got my point? ------------------ Calvin the bold the malt beer lord is back!

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08-18-2001, 04:50 AM	#1
Drake Baaz Draconian Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: ? Age: 40 Posts: 729	About three weeks ago I was going to brag about this school but the server was down. I was going to say how great it was that I was leaving home and going to a great bording school with free internet at 240KB per second and a great system in english. Well I'm here and it's not all it was supposed to be. I did get everything that was promised but the problem is that I've been here for two weeks now and I have no one to talk to. I've never had this problem before. I have never been the most popular of people but I have never had trouble making friends. When every one arived at the school they all hit it off great with each other. they are great people I just had nothing to say to them. that is they have a very different sense of humar. I personaly have moved a lot so I am use to meating new people but what makes this so different is that I am realy trying to find some one to talk to but they don't want to talk to me. for example we where on this bus trip to get to know every one better. well there is this group of people just joking around and having fun well I go over there and try to join in. the first person I say anything to just turns sylent and humble he mutters "ya ya" then turns to the nearest person and starts joking again. that is how it has been going the hole time I have been here. I have never seen anything like this before nor do I have any idea what to do about it. just one more thing to make matters worse. last night there was this school party. every one went out drinking and to clubs. now for once when I try to join in on the fun they responded (and all it took was them being piss drunk) they where trying to include me but I was so sick(not from drinking since I didn't)and I had a big headache so I say goodbye and try to leave. as I'm about to leave they all start acusing me of hating the class and say that's why I'm leaving so soon. well of course I deny it and leave. I think they took it person that I left. I have'nt seen any one since then so I don't now how they took it for shur but... I have to live and go to school with these people for the next three years and I as of yet have not one person I can talk to. I wrote this in the hopes that some one might be able to give me some advise or somthing to put. I just don't know what to do. thanks in advance. ------------------ Drake A.K.A. bocaj

08-18-2001, 05:16 AM	#2
debiler Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: May 6, 2001 Location: Stuttgart, Germany Age: 44 Posts: 811	That´s tough, really. I don´t have many friends, too. But the ones I got like me the way I am, although I´m a bit strange. I´m sure you´re strange, too, because everybody is. Just don´t try to force them to like you. If they have a different sense of humor, try talking about more serious things(NOT the weather!). And when there´s a "ya, ya" situation, first think, then talk. Believe me, I know that very well. It may not be the best advice, but I think you have to give yourself a little more time. And don´t be importunate, because that could destroy everything. You´ll always be welcome here, that´s for sure. Heads up! ------------------ Calvin the bold the malt beer lord is back!

08-18-2001, 06:08 AM	#3
Istaron Banned User Join Date: June 16, 2001 Location: Uppland Posts: 711	Well, when arriving to a new school, it usually takes me... say, two or three years before I get any good friends... just hang in there, some day you'll find some people thinking like you do! In the meantime... Istaron will be there or you ------------------ We call him Bobby Corwen

08-18-2001, 08:27 AM	#4
Bahamut Iron Throne Cult Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Manila, Philippines Age: 39 Posts: 4,864	I have a good one: Who cares? Do not take it that way, take in your case... You are you and they are them, If you are naturally charismatic, take it to your advantage... let them come to you... be a friend, talk if talked to... that's just it. I mean, yes they are a bunch of idiots as of now, but once you get those high grades, women, or whatever sport or won some competition, I bet they will go running into you... Another advice: CONFIDENCE. "Who cares? All I know is I am cute and cool that people will come to ME." 'Nuff said ------------------ My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

08-18-2001, 08:44 AM	#5
Moridin Fzoul Chembryl Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 1,735	Hey Drake Great to see you here again! Don't worry about the school thing. I have had the same problem everywhere I go. Some people just seem to hit it off well together with everyone, while others are better to be alone or have one or two close friends. It is nothing against you, it just takes time. My advice would be to find a couple of other people (or even just one) that is in the same boat as you are (being excluded or not fully included) and talk with them, invite them out, whatever...as the saying goes, there is strength in numbers. Once you have one or two better friends the shyness goes away and you can start to hang out with more people, b/c then you are not worrying b/c you at least have someone to talk to if everyone else ignores you. At my work right now, I am kind of new and a few 'groups' of younger people have already formed, so I never felt right going along with them to do things, but then a new girl started and she was in the same predicament, so I made friends with her and now we go to things together (bar, parties, lunches) and we both feel a little more 'included' It will work out for you, just give it time...and until then, you always have us on the forum ------------------ Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig I've got to admit it's getting better, it's getting better all the time

08-18-2001, 08:45 AM	#6
Istaron Banned User Join Date: June 16, 2001 Location: Uppland Posts: 711	There is a swedish book by Jan Guillou called Ondskan (translated to a cuple of languages)... Not exactly your case, but read it! It gives some interessting wievs ------------------ We call him Bobby Corwen

08-18-2001, 08:47 AM	#7
Bahamut Iron Throne Cult Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: Manila, Philippines Age: 39 Posts: 4,864	BTW, be spontaneous, and carefree and loud!!! Humor!!! Don't be shy of what people may think.. just don't act like a dork.. act natural and smooth... I am sure once they get to know you... ------------------ My love for her is beyond words... beyond time... you know this

08-18-2001, 03:36 PM	#8
Drake Baaz Draconian Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: ? Age: 40 Posts: 729	thanks debiler, Istaron, Bahamut, Moridin. It's great to know there is still one place I can go when I need to talk debiler: I think I read you loud and clear but realy I think it might be impossible for me to say more than two sentences without making a joke but ok I think I should try. Istaron: "just hang in there, some day you'll find some people thinking like you do!" I hope not!! do you have any idea how much anarchy there would be with two people thinking like me Bahamut: I think I get your point but I think in my case I should care. I mean I do have to spend three years living and going to school with these people. I can't just wait in hope that they will come to me. As for your "CONFIDENCE" advise, I say ya that's always a good thing. you seam very confident and I must say I admire that very much. oh and one more thing I am (at times) very carefree, loud and spontaneous surtenly not shy so I don't think that's the problem but I can't help but act like a dork Moridin: I have thought about finding some one "in the same boat" but realy I can't seam to find any one. all well there must be some one out there I'll just have to keep looking. but hey I'm glad things are working out for you and your friend. again I must say I don't think shyness is my problem. thanks again people I fell a lot better now ------------------ Drake A.K.A. bocaj

08-19-2001, 06:54 AM	#9
Harkoliar Jack Burton Join Date: March 21, 2001 Location: Philippines, but now Harbor City Sydney Age: 41 Posts: 5,556	i may be a wee bit late in saying my 2 cents but better late than never. i just started college in a new school. at the start, it was pretty scary. im one of you who can consider a "shy and silent" type of guy. takes me a while to open up to people. guess what? i made friends with those people who have the similar characteristics as i have. the way i see it, friends come to you as you go to your friends... (kinda vague lemme explain it for ya). i belive that people eventually become friends and it is not a instant friendship thingie. time is always the best thing about friendship. the more people know about you, the better it is for you to know about them... eventually you will find your friends, when the very least expect it. ------------------ Revived I Am to hunt this world... Banish ye evil or face my wrath...

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