05-07-2001, 12:10 PM | #1 |
Dungeon Master
Join Date: May 5, 2001
Location: Candlekeep
Posts: 99
|
This is in response to the "things a man should know when he's 40" thread, it's all in good humour, personally I could never get enough of women, they are gods greatest creation...
--------anyway here it goes------------- Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it! We don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar. Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Check your oil. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color. If it itches, it will be scratched. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle ------------------ Keldorn's Younger brother [This message has been edited by Row Firecam (edited 05-07-2001).] |
05-07-2001, 12:17 PM | #2 |
Ironworks Atomic Moderator
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
Age: 57
Posts: 9,005
|
LMAO!!!
------------------ |
05-07-2001, 12:19 PM | #3 |
Bastet - Egyptian Cat Goddess
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Sweden
Age: 50
Posts: 3,450
|
Hehe
------------------ WOLF WINS EVERY FIGHT BUT ONE, AND IN THAT ONE, HE DIES |
05-07-2001, 12:28 PM | #4 |
Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom
Join Date: March 12, 2001
Location: Birmingham, West Mid\'s, England
Age: 87
Posts: 2,859
|
ROFLMAO!! Well said, pal! And I'm female!
------------------ Smile! Life is too short for bitching! Fljotsdale |
05-07-2001, 12:29 PM | #5 |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 54
Posts: 2,830
|
Oh man, I'm in trouble !
I agree with a lot of these.... BadDawg ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil |
05-07-2001, 12:35 PM | #6 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: March 2, 2001
Location: Birmingham, Alabama, USA
Age: 70
Posts: 3,255
|
I'll bet the women are just beating down your door!
------------------ Reeka--The Hand of Death O_H_F GMDLM |
05-07-2001, 12:38 PM | #7 | |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: April 9, 2001
Location: Dallas, Tx, USA
Age: 54
Posts: 2,830
|
Quote:
I already said I was single again... This probably explains why... ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil |
|
05-07-2001, 12:43 PM | #8 |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Monroe, LA
Age: 60
Posts: 7,387
|
Hehehehehe!!! Row Firecam, that is hilarious!
It also makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have the lady I do in my life. Lela (Leopardqueen on the Internet) is just like I am on all these topics...she hates shopping (even worse than I do, I have to twist her arm to go with me, LOL!), neither of us care much for sports, she has hair down to her arse and will NOT cut it for love nor money, never blackmails me (nor do I her), fully admits she has too many shoes (but she only uses two pair, I swear the others are for decoration), and chooses her own fashions herself and has enough esteem to know she does the right thing. I support her in all her creative endeavors, she supports me in mine, and we have a relationship built on mutual love, tolerance, and deep affection. I really couldn't ask for more in a person. My only grief is that she won't see this, because of our one difference...I'm into gaming, and she's not. (She's into movies instead...so she watches movies and I play computer games, and we meet up afterward. It works out great.) Thanks for the great laugh, and the insight. |
05-07-2001, 12:44 PM | #9 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
heh heh heh
Note to self...print these out for future reference, they could save a life...his! Moni |
05-07-2001, 01:44 PM | #10 |
Lord Soth
Join Date: March 5, 2001
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,948
|
Can I get an AMEN???
BTW ladyzekke, I like the new addition to your sig. ------------------ "The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his." -General George Patton (1885-1945) |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
I will never be able to understand women.. | Harkoliar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 19 | 06-25-2004 07:28 AM |
What do women say when they are caught? | Vaskez | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 11 | 03-19-2004 05:56 AM |
Men are no better drivers than women... | Jorath Calar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 10 | 06-14-2002 03:45 PM |
Men are better than Women | Avatar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 134 | 05-06-2002 03:30 PM |
for the WOMEN!! | Harkoliar | General Conversation Archives (11/2000 - 01/2005) | 4 | 03-21-2002 08:26 AM |