Humdingers - real life gone silly! Rated -Mature- - Page 2

KDogRex · 03-19-2001, 09:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Melusine:
Nah, I think the Moon's Hope Inn gang'll like it!

Okay, I'll leave it up! Goodness, your monitor DID steam up, didn't it!

------------------
-Resident Corset Loosener of the OHF

KDogRex · 03-19-2001, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Melusine:
Nah, I think the Moon's Hope Inn gang'll like it!

What about you? Got any "humdingers' of your own?

------------------
-Resident Corset Loosener of the OHF

Melusine · 03-19-2001, 09:21 AM

Don't think so....
give me some time to think about it OK?

------------------
Melusine, Archbabe of the OHF and the LH

Your voice is ambrosia

Charean · 03-19-2001, 07:02 PM

Another one for the Easily Amused....

I was driving in Oregon with a couple of other company trucks - all doing 55 because we all know how Oregon State Police are about such things!! - and chatting...

Here I am - the only female voice on the radio for quite a few miles (for those who are curious, my handle was "Munchkin") and we notice a State Trooper coming along side of us... looking in each truck....

Wouldn't you know it? He pulls ME over...

Sigh. Well, I get my paperwork together and he comes up the side of the truck and tells me I was doing 56 in a 55 zone (No kidding! Really? That fast, huh?) And to step out of the truck. He did a paperwork inspection, a truck inspection and finally, after about 40 minutes of stalling, he lets me go with a parting quip,"Oregon Cares about your safety."

I hear a loud THUD from the back of the truck (my codriver in the bunk) who is HOWLING with laughter.... and said between gasps,
"What did you do, SMILE at him?"

Well, yes.

------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Laughter can be a Mighty Weapon - when wielded with pizazz and accuracy! What Ho!!

Charean · 03-19-2001, 07:13 PM

What follows is the Infamous Story of Eric vs. the Gazebo....

Richard Rambles On by Richard Aronson
Humor is hard to define. Vocal humor is always easier than written humor, and acted plus vocal humor easier still. Think of how many movies/plays/TV shows you have laughed out loud at, then think of the surely smaller number of cartoons/comic books you have laughed at, and the yet smaller number of books (without pictures) you have laughed at. So I have been handed a tough assignment -- make people laugh with only the printed page for my instrument. Actually, if I could draw, I'm sure I'd be allowed to use a graphic device, and perhaps one will be inserted by ye Editors, but ever since they moved out of L.A. I've had much less input into the actual production values of The Spell Book, so I really cannot do more than suggest, whereas in times past I was able to say: Hey, look, right here should be a picture or an ink blob or something to liven up this otherwise drab piece you wro.... But I digress. While I can recount many tales that would (and have) make (made) people laugh out loud, I can think of only one that might, might mind you, work in this altogether restrictive setting: Eric and the Gazebo.
Let us cast our minds back to the early days of Fantasy Role Playing, back when ye Dread Gygax was loose upon the land. Funny how humor and horror can start out so alike. Let us go still earlier (yes, it is permitted to breathe sighs of relief) to the days before Gygax (and the courts) thought that he owned FRP. In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true: I know both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it either). If my telling of it does not match the actual events precisely, it is because I've heard it many different ways depending on how much of what type of intoxicants Ed had taken recently.
The gist of it is that Eric, well, you need a bit more about Eric, or else I won't fill quota. Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time.
So, Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin (why should only Lawful Good religions get to have holy warriors was the thinking) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well, and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including detect good (random die roll; it could have detected evil). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:
ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About fifty yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.
At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. It is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy gnoll.
That is the story of Eric and the Gazebo. It's funnier when I tell it in person. Isn't it always, though. Be seeing you...
(Reprinted from The Spell Book, issue #13, fall 1987, pp. 2-4; Corey & Lori Cole, editors.)

Ladyzekke · 03-19-2001, 07:14 PM

Charean! Those were great humdingers!!

The mental picture I got with those truckers flashing their chests was really hilarious! On the second one, that WAS strange being pulled over for going what? ONE mile over the speed limit? Definitely something to make you wonder about! Got any more to share??

KDog - Err, where's the punchline on that one? DOH!

------------------

KDogRex · 03-19-2001, 07:46 PM

See, Melusine! I told you they'd think it was weird!!!

------------------
-Resident Corset Loosener of the OHF

Stealthy · 03-19-2001, 07:58 PM

Luckily you weren't on route 69, or her inspiration might have proved even more of a challenge to your driving skills!

------------------

Never accept an invitation from Wolfgir to a BBQ!

KDogRex · 03-19-2001, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Stealthy:
Luckily you weren't on route 69, or her inspiration might have proved even more of a challenge to your driving skills!

Oh my goodness! That would have been 'complicated!'

------------------
-Resident Corset Loosener of the OHF

Charean · 03-19-2001, 08:09 PM

I was just starting solo on the road - been driving with co-drivers for the last year and my current one was in the hospital. (No, I didn't do anything TO him, although my friends still doubt me

)

I was leaving Oklahoma City (yet again) and going to L.A. - I find a nice trucker to talk to and we set off. We stayed awake for 18 hours straight (that is 1000 miles for you and me) talking about philosophy and God and the Mysteries of the Universe.

During this scintillating conversation, we were heading for a scale house (for those who don't know about them, they weigh and inspect trucks. Usually on the state borders.) He was in front of me and went right by (punishable by fines, tickets and really irate state troopers...)

As I started to pull into the scalehouse, he realized his mistake, hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the interstate (remember - all these truckers are watching and ribbing him half to death!) - he leaps out of his truck and runs as fast as he can to the scalehouse with his paperwork trying to explain his distraction (me!)....

The troopers in the scalehouse were laughing so hard at him, they told him to beat it, but not to do it again...

------------------

Defender for the Light -
Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches?
Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas
Laughter can be a Mighty Weapon - when wielded with pizazz and accuracy! What Ho!!

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03-19-2001, 09:21 AM	#13
Melusine Dracolisk Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Amsterdam, The Netherlands Age: 43 Posts: 6,541	Don't think so.... give me some time to think about it OK? ------------------ Melusine, Archbabe of the OHF and the LH Your voice is ambrosia

03-19-2001, 07:02 PM	#14
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	Another one for the Easily Amused.... I was driving in Oregon with a couple of other company trucks - all doing 55 because we all know how Oregon State Police are about such things!! - and chatting... Here I am - the only female voice on the radio for quite a few miles (for those who are curious, my handle was "Munchkin") and we notice a State Trooper coming along side of us... looking in each truck.... Wouldn't you know it? He pulls ME over... Sigh. Well, I get my paperwork together and he comes up the side of the truck and tells me I was doing 56 in a 55 zone (No kidding! Really? That fast, huh?) And to step out of the truck. He did a paperwork inspection, a truck inspection and finally, after about 40 minutes of stalling, he lets me go with a parting quip,"Oregon Cares about your safety." I hear a loud THUD from the back of the truck (my codriver in the bunk) who is HOWLING with laughter.... and said between gasps, "What did you do, SMILE at him?" Well, yes. ------------------ Defender for the Light - Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches? Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas Laughter can be a Mighty Weapon - when wielded with pizazz and accuracy! What Ho!!

03-19-2001, 07:13 PM	#15
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	What follows is the Infamous Story of Eric vs. the Gazebo.... Richard Rambles On by Richard Aronson Humor is hard to define. Vocal humor is always easier than written humor, and acted plus vocal humor easier still. Think of how many movies/plays/TV shows you have laughed out loud at, then think of the surely smaller number of cartoons/comic books you have laughed at, and the yet smaller number of books (without pictures) you have laughed at. So I have been handed a tough assignment -- make people laugh with only the printed page for my instrument. Actually, if I could draw, I'm sure I'd be allowed to use a graphic device, and perhaps one will be inserted by ye Editors, but ever since they moved out of L.A. I've had much less input into the actual production values of The Spell Book, so I really cannot do more than suggest, whereas in times past I was able to say: Hey, look, right here should be a picture or an ink blob or something to liven up this otherwise drab piece you wro.... But I digress. While I can recount many tales that would (and have) make (made) people laugh out loud, I can think of only one that might, might mind you, work in this altogether restrictive setting: Eric and the Gazebo. Let us cast our minds back to the early days of Fantasy Role Playing, back when ye Dread Gygax was loose upon the land. Funny how humor and horror can start out so alike. Let us go still earlier (yes, it is permitted to breathe sighs of relief) to the days before Gygax (and the courts) thought that he owned FRP. In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true: I know both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it either). If my telling of it does not match the actual events precisely, it is because I've heard it many different ways depending on how much of what type of intoxicants Ed had taken recently. The gist of it is that Eric, well, you need a bit more about Eric, or else I won't fill quota. Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time. So, Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin (why should only Lawful Good religions get to have holy warriors was the thinking) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well, and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including detect good (random die roll; it could have detected evil). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred: ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo. ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it? ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric. ERIC: How far away is it? ED: About fifty yards. ERIC: How big is it? ED: (Pause) It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top. ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it. ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo! ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it. ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo! ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way? ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo! ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened? ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it. ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded? ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo! ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow! ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo! ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away. ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you. ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin. At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. It is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy gnoll. That is the story of Eric and the Gazebo. It's funnier when I tell it in person. Isn't it always, though. Be seeing you... (Reprinted from The Spell Book, issue #13, fall 1987, pp. 2-4; Corey & Lori Cole, editors.)

03-19-2001, 07:14 PM	#16
Ladyzekke Ironworks Atomic Moderator Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Virginia, U.S.A. Age: 57 Posts: 9,005	Charean! Those were great humdingers!! The mental picture I got with those truckers flashing their chests was really hilarious! On the second one, that WAS strange being pulled over for going what? ONE mile over the speed limit? Definitely something to make you wonder about! Got any more to share?? KDog - Err, where's the punchline on that one? DOH! ------------------

03-19-2001, 07:46 PM	#17
KDogRex Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 5, 2001 Location: Minneapolis, MN USA Age: 55 Posts: 1,305	See, Melusine! I told you they'd think it was weird!!! ------------------ -Resident Corset Loosener of the OHF

03-19-2001, 07:58 PM	#18
Stealthy Avatar Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Dundee in Bonnie Scotland Posts: 543	Luckily you weren't on route 69, or her inspiration might have proved even more of a challenge to your driving skills! ------------------ Never accept an invitation from Wolfgir to a BBQ!

03-19-2001, 08:09 PM	#20
Charean Hathor Join Date: March 6, 2001 Location: Waxahachie, TX Age: 60 Posts: 2,201	I was just starting solo on the road - been driving with co-drivers for the last year and my current one was in the hospital. (No, I didn't do anything TO him, although my friends still doubt me ) I was leaving Oklahoma City (yet again) and going to L.A. - I find a nice trucker to talk to and we set off. We stayed awake for 18 hours straight (that is 1000 miles for you and me) talking about philosophy and God and the Mysteries of the Universe. During this scintillating conversation, we were heading for a scale house (for those who don't know about them, they weigh and inspect trucks. Usually on the state borders.) He was in front of me and went right by (punishable by fines, tickets and really irate state troopers...) As I started to pull into the scalehouse, he realized his mistake, hit the brakes and pulled over to the side of the interstate (remember - all these truckers are watching and ribbing him half to death!) - he leaps out of his truck and runs as fast as he can to the scalehouse with his paperwork trying to explain his distraction (me!).... The troopers in the scalehouse were laughing so hard at him, they told him to beat it, but not to do it again... ------------------ Defender for the Light - Goodness knows there is a lot of Dark out there!! - Where are my matches? Wandering Joke of the Laughing Hyenas Laughter can be a Mighty Weapon - when wielded with pizazz and accuracy! What Ho!!

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