A Rednecks letter to her son...

[MILAMBER]

A redneck mother’s letter to her son:


Dear Son,

Ah’m wrating’ ya these few lans jist to let ya know that Ah’m alive. Ah’ll wrat real slow, ‘cause I know ya cain’t read very fast.

If’n yore readin’ this letr, it’s cause ya got it, and if’n ya ain’t, let me know, and Ah’ll send it to ya agin.

Yore Pappy read thet acordin’ to some sirvays, most axidints hapin less than 1 mile from th’ house. So we mooved more than 1 mile awey. Th’ new house is real purty. It evin has a washin’ machine. Ah don’t know if’n it wurks good or not yit. Ah put sum clothes in it yestidy and pulled th’ chain, but Ah ain’t seen ’em since.

Whether’s real nice here. On’y rained twice last week. Furst tahm it on’y lasted three days. Second tahm it lasted four.

Ya know that spo’t coat ya wanted us to sind ya. Well, yore unca Johnny sed thet if’n we send it with all them buttons still on it, it’d weigh too much and wud be too x-pensiv. So we cut them buttons offand put’em in the pocket insted.

Wal, we finally berryd yore gran’pa. We found his body wen we moved. Seems he’s been hidin’ in the trunk since that day he beat us at hide’n’seek.

T’other day we had this big gas x-ploshun in th’ kichun. Yore Pappy ‘nAh went aflyin’ through th’ air ‘n landid in th’ bak yard. It was very x-itin’. That was the furst tahm yore Pappy ‘n me wint out t’gether in a long tahm. Th’ Doc cam by and stuck this here glas tube in may mouth, and tol’ me to keep my mouth shet for 10 minuts. Yore Pappy off’rd ta buy th’ tube from him.

Ah’m so proud of your Pappy. He got hisself this great new job. Got 500 pepl under him. He mows the lawn at th’ cemetery.

Yore sister Wilda, ya know, the one that marrid her husbin, wal she had her baby. But since Ah do’ne know what sex it is, Ah caint tell ya if’n you’re a aint or a uncl. If’n th’ baby’s a gal, your sister’ gonna name it after me. Jist thank, it’ll be called Moma.

Yore Pappy axed yore sister Melda if’n she was preg’nt. She said she waas. Fav munths now. Yore Pappy axed her if’n she was shore it was her’n.

Yore cusin Jake got marid. Tarns out he prays to his waf ever’ night. She’s a virgin, ya know.

Ain’t seen your uncl Vern here’bouts, tho’. Ya ‘membr him,, he’s th’ one that up’n died last year.

We’r real wuried ‘bout yore dog Spike. Since yore Pappy hit him ovr th’ punkin’ haid with that thar frozen cat, alls he does now is chase parked cars.

Ya ‘membr yore fren’ Clod? Wal, he ain’t with us in this worl’ no more. His pappy died 2 munths ago an’ he wanted to be berryd in th’ lake. Clod died wen he was adiggn’ th’ grave at the bottom o’ th’ lake.

Sorry ‘bout th’ bad wratin’ ‘n spelin’. Mah han’ got tared o’ all that wratin’ so Ah’m dick tatin’ ta yore Pappy an’ ya knows wat a ijit he is.

Yore bruth’r Mel locked th’ car t’other day an left th’ keys inside. Had ta walk all th’ way home for the spare keys so’s he cud let us’ns out.

Wal son, Ah ain’t agonna put mah ad dress in this here letr, caus Ah do’ne know it. Seems th’ folks wat livd here afore us’ns wint an tuk th’ numbrs off’n th’ house an tuk’em with’em so’s they wudn’t havta change ad dress.

If’n ya sees ol’ Miz Matty say halloo fer me, but if’n ya do’ne sees her, do’ne teller nuthin.

Yore Ma luvs ya,

Daisy

PS. Ah wuz agonna sind ya ahunnert dolers, but Ah alredy clozed th’ anvelup.

LMAO!! Thats hilarious. The waterboy meets the clampets(sp?)

[Beaumanoir]

ROFL!! Ahhh, Thats Hilarious! Poor Rednecks, Its Not Their Fault That They Have IQ's Below Ten... I Wonder If They Can Spell IQ?

Nice one Milamber

I'll add my latest redneck crack too: how do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his daughter in the chin

[Lavindathar]

quote:

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Originally posted by Arledrian:
Nice one Milamber

I'll add my latest redneck crack too: how do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his daughter in the chin

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Funnier than the letter