Another Literary Attempt - Page 2

SSJ4Sephiroth · 09-24-2001, 05:22 PM

great story jerome! luckily i reviewed it earlier to spare time today

. anyways, im still curious if your gonna put in a character based on me...

------------------
It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul.

Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan.

Follower of the mighty Fallen Paladin himself.

Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better!

Admirer of the Lioness.

Head of the IronWorks Intelligence Division

Jerome · 09-24-2001, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Fljotsdale:
You have a good vocabulary Jerome, and people have already pointed out things I was going to suggest.

But - may I say it? - I was howling with laughter all the way through! I HOPE it meant to be a comedy? It reads like a great send-up of AD&D adventures! You should complete it! Leave in the 'devouring bottles'! Nice comic picture, that. You have an ability to create word pictures - we can SEE that scene in the pub!
You need to tidy it up a little, but not too much.

Originally, It was ment to be serious as I could make it..

Unfortunatley i'd just finished reading a Terry Prachet novel and was influenced heavily... so what you see is something in the middle. I'll probably rewrite to make it serious later on... but for now it'll stand as it is.

------------------

Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen

Jerome · 09-24-2001, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SSJ4Sephiroth:
great story jerome! luckily i reviewed it earlier to spare time today . anyways, im still curious if your gonna put in a character based on me...

I've not made up my mind who'll be making an apperance yet. Who knows....

------------------

Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen

Mirac Honorguard · 09-25-2001, 03:34 AM

Great story, as I said to you already (on MSN that is), you start of great (you've got talent in my eye) but keep the story straight if you begin like this, don't go and make a hilarious laughing story of it. Keep up the good work

------------------
There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard
(Necromancer)

http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac
Fellow Table Dancer of the Jerome's Table dancer group

Yorick · 09-25-2001, 03:43 AM

This is awesome.... I, I'm speechless....

Wow.

------------------
I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on....

A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

Liliara · 09-25-2001, 03:56 AM

VERY well done! I can't wait to see what happens next! Hurry and write more!

------------------

Captain of Bouncers, Boogre Bar

LH Member

And you never did think that it ever would happen again, in America did you? And you never did think that we'd ever get together again, but we damn sure fooled ya. We're walkin' real proud and we're talkin' real loud again, in America. And you never did think that it ever would happen again.... (Charlie Daniels)

Jerome · 09-25-2001, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Yorick:
This is awesome.... I, I'm speechless....

Wow.

Tell me it ain't true! Yorick's speechless?

Thanks to everyone who's given me advice... its appreciated!

------------------

Within the jungle of my deepest emotion,
With a coat resplendant in a golden sheen,
Swiftly hunting my tender love,
Stalks the regal, Feline Queen

Kaz · 09-25-2001, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jerome:
Originally, It was ment to be serious as I could make it..

Unfortunatley i'd just finished reading a Terry Prachet novel and was influenced heavily... so what you see is something in the middle. I'll probably rewrite to make it serious later on... but for now it'll stand as it is.

Terry Pratchett forever! Terry Pratchett rules! Yahoo! Just out of interest, which book did you read?

------------------

Kazara

Sapphire Dragoness of ALSB
Waitress at Cloudy's Cafe

09-25-2001, 12:33 PM

Nice piece of work mate

I honestly didn't think you had it in you.... you being Scottish n all

But seriously, it's a great beginning and definitely worth the time I spent reading it. Which was quite considerate....

------------------

Blade · 09-25-2001, 12:52 PM

WOW great begining

can't wait to read more of it. I read a lot at least a 500 pg. book a week (seriously it's even more in the summer

)it a equal of some of the books i read. I will read it if you get it published keep up the good work.

------------------

All blades cut, be they made from metal or wood, but the sharpest and deadliest blade is the one of knowledge.

An Archmage of the HADB

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09-24-2001, 05:22 PM	#11
SSJ4Sephiroth Beholder Join Date: May 4, 2001 Location: The Outside Looking In Age: 37 Posts: 4,361	great story jerome! luckily i reviewed it earlier to spare time today . anyways, im still curious if your gonna put in a character based on me... ------------------ It's simple. Once the Planet is hurt, it gathers Spirit Energy to heal the injury. The amount of energy gathered depends on the size of the injury...What would happen if there was an injury that threatened the very life of the Planet? Think how much energy would be gathered! Ha, ha, ha. And at the center of that injury, wil be me. All that boundless energy will be mine. By merging with the energy of the Planet, I will be come a new life form, a new existence. Melding with the Planet, I will cease to exist as I am now. Only to be reborn as a 'God' to rule over every living soul. Super Sephiroth, slayer of the Uber Fluffy, and battle co-ordionator and defender of the HADB clan. Follower of the mighty Fallen Paladin himself. Diplomacy is all and well, but HADB is better! Admirer of the Lioness. Head of the IronWorks Intelligence Division

09-25-2001, 03:34 AM	#14
Mirac Honorguard Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 21, 2001 Location: Limburg, Netherlands, Europe Age: 42 Posts: 894	Great story, as I said to you already (on MSN that is), you start of great (you've got talent in my eye) but keep the story straight if you begin like this, don't go and make a hilarious laughing story of it. Keep up the good work ------------------ There's something in your eyes, ah no, I see now, it's the reflection of my deadly gaze - Mirac Honorguard (Necromancer) http://www.angelfire.com/rpg2/mirac Fellow Table Dancer of the Jerome's Table dancer group

09-25-2001, 03:43 AM	#15
Yorick Very Mad Bird Join Date: January 7, 2001 Location: Breukelen (over the river from New Amsterdam) Age: 52 Posts: 9,246	This is awesome.... I, I'm speechless.... Wow. ------------------ I am the walrus!.... er, no hang on.... A fair dinkum laughing Hyena!

09-25-2001, 03:56 AM	#16
Liliara Red Wizard of Thay Join Date: August 17, 2001 Location: Florida Posts: 874	VERY well done! I can't wait to see what happens next! Hurry and write more! ------------------ Captain of Bouncers, Boogre Bar LH Member And you never did think that it ever would happen again, in America did you? And you never did think that we'd ever get together again, but we damn sure fooled ya. We're walkin' real proud and we're talkin' real loud again, in America. And you never did think that it ever would happen again.... (Charlie Daniels)

09-25-2001, 12:33 PM	#19
Sorcerer Alex Guest Posts: n/a	Nice piece of work mate I honestly didn't think you had it in you.... you being Scottish n all But seriously, it's a great beginning and definitely worth the time I spent reading it. Which was quite considerate.... ------------------

09-25-2001, 12:52 PM	#20
Blade Emerald Dragon Join Date: March 12, 2001 Location: spokane wa usa Age: 40 Posts: 926	WOW great begining can't wait to read more of it. I read a lot at least a 500 pg. book a week (seriously it's even more in the summer )it a equal of some of the books i read. I will read it if you get it published keep up the good work. ------------------ All blades cut, be they made from metal or wood, but the sharpest and deadliest blade is the one of knowledge. An Archmage of the HADB

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