Charlies Shop of Shite is Open.. ITEM SPOILERS

[Moridin]

Unbelievable I hope you hired someone to type all of that for you Charlie! I don't know how many posts you will get (depends on how many people can type anything while laughing so hard!), but I think it will be a record.
I would like to put in a bid for the light gem.....will rotten carrots do, it's all I've got. And since I am doing some remodeling I would like to have the Golem Building Book. It's not a Shite Golem is it?

[Cloudbringer]

ROTFL!

Ok, now that I have dragged myself back up into my desk chair, Charlie! Deal! Slightly soggy keyboard keys for those nuts. I think they'll look just divine hanging from my rear-view mirror (anyone know a 'tongue-in-cheek' smiley?)

Now, can I discuss this rather damp bathrobe and monitor? You can get a deal on both, this time it was sparkling spring water I launched unexpectedly! And some of these other posts have totally done me in. hahaha! Speaking of which, Armisael, I'll take Valygar, last I knew my pc still had the rod of resurection- I mean gee whiz, I'm gonna be rolling on the floor , without bathrobe on, laughing my head off anyway....hehehe!

Charlie, dearest, I'll take the potion bottle without a lid (you have no idea how much my face hurts from laughing at your reply, honestly! I cannot read this at work tomorrow, gonna have to slink off to a friends office for lunch!). Now, can you arrange for some noble warrior to give me those spitting lessons?! I would do it right, after all.

CHARLIE FOR PREZ!!

[Father Bronze]

My chapel key! Dang. That thing has been missing ever since I shared that Tankard of Balor's Ale with that nice theif the other evening.

I'll trade a bit of wisdom for the key. What do ya say?

There once was a man from Nantucket with a . . . . Ah, no. That isn't wisdom. Uh . . . (confused look on face. deep in thought).

How about we do this the old fashioned way. You give me the key and I'll write you an indulgence to pardon away some future sin or another. Doesn't matter what faith you follow. I'll write it real nice like . . . cover all sorts of things from just about any circumstance.

Your most Reverened patron,

Father Bronze

well Father Bronze we might be able to work a deal i ..um get a certian item for you and you just leave the pardon for me and i dont want a reply of the pardons' in the mail
so what will it be Father ..

[Father Bronze]

I'll be carrying a "blank check" in my pocket over the next day or so. If I happen to "bump into you" and my Chapel key appeared in my pocket, I would ask no questions. If you're not gentle, I might turn a little red of course, but don't mind that.

And the next time you go to tithe, remember me. Just don't hit me in the head when you throw the money through the chapel door . . . Habib can be such a poor shot (look of contemplation). On second thought maybe that guy WAS aiming for my head . . . (slow, broiling anger). I'll have to have a talk with Habib.

OH MY GOD! This will teach me not to visit this site more often. I am sorry, I promise I won't do it again. It's just I spent more time reading and answering posts than I did playing games, so I went cold turkey for 3 weeks whilst I played Deus Ex. Never again. Charlie you are a genius.
Next time I will know better and not read your posts with a mouthful of biscuit. It's truly amazing how far the crumbs travel after being explosively launched after a particularly big guffaw. I too will be sending you a bill, but in my case it's for the medical treatment required to remove said biscuit from my nose, a truly disgusting experience I can asssure you.

[Charlie]

Cloudbringer.

The lidless empty potion bottle along with my nuts will be despatched upon receipt of your now defunct, soaking keyboard keys. Please allow enough time for a dragon to grow extremely old, fat and rich prior to delivery.... if any.

The damp robe judging by your description does not appear to be totally shite at present and must therefore be dismissed. Is the monitor of the lizard or electrical variety? An electrocuted dead shite monitor lizard would certainly warrant some serious mental investigation and I may be interested. Either way, providing it is totally devoid of any use and falls into the category of "look at this for a piece of shite" then half hearted and somewhat insincere negotiations can be resumed. They will only be resumed upon fulfillment of that non requirement.

Regarding the long range spitting lessons.

I have no warriors capable of using this item, they're all totally shite at it. I shall be despatching my most skilled but incredibly ugly Troll at his leisure to instruct you in its use. He is in the process of spitting a small Dwarf who is currently only brown on one side. Obviously I shall be sending him to you with all the long range spitting apparatus required to make your meal time torturing sessions fun for all the family.... but rather shite for any small Dwarven people you decide to spit. These small people do tend to spit a bit whilst being roasted and we therefore advise turning them from long range with a stick (which we can supply) over a bonfire set to mark 4. Long range spitting is a lovely way to meet new people and provides a somewhat shite and grisly backdrop to what could otherwise be a pleasant and very enjoyable barbecue evening.

[Moridin]

Charlie--

What do you mean! I need a golem before I can use my golem building book DAMN! My last golem was just deported (ok so he was in the country illegally, but hey cheap labor!). While your golem sounds...........like complete shite...I saw one on the street corner, the other day, with a sign (BGII War Vet...Will work for shelter!) I think I will stop by and see if he is available, otherwise I will make you an offer, for your golem, that you absolutely cannot refuse.
And to sweeten the deal for the light gem, I am willing to throw in an half-eaten grapefruit (only 2 weeks old) and a slightly used toothpick

BRAVO, CHARLIE. Glad to see someone else is a packrat as well.

BK