An amatuer(spelling) story

[Shadow]

A STORY DOWN THERE

The Jewel


The Stone(CHAPTER ONE)


Jurlarndo was a wizard from the land of Ghijirdle. He was a Kjork, which is a clan for wizards into the arcane mysteries of Ghijirdle. Jurlarndo’s old clan had levels of rank. First there was red wizard. Then there was black wizard. Then there was purple wizard. Then there is yellow wizard. Then after yellow is green wizard. Jurlarndo was a green wizard when he left the clan. Jurlarndo was not benevolent.
As Jurlarndo traveled to Ikinjink, he came across the Gaet Mountain. Gaet Mountain was eight miles in height and five miles in length. How was he to get across it? As Jurlarndo looked for a way, he found a cave. It was dark. Jurlarndo sensed a ray of goodness with his ability to detect good.
Jurlarndo entered the cave. Before he entered, he cast light eyes. This spell will allow him to have light alone. He entered the cave. With Jurlarndo’s light eyes, he detected a dead end. But what about that ray of goodness? Jurlarndo looked around and found a treasure chest, treasure chests everywhere. Jurlarndo decided to take the treasure without hesitation. But as Jurlarndo looked up, he saw a dragon.
“Jikold fer gok jer?” said the dragon.
Jurlarndo did not know a spell to translate the dragon language.
“JIKOLD FER GOK JER!?!” repeated the dragon angrily.
Jurlarndo took a handful of gold and teleported out of the cave. When Jurlarndo exited the cave, he caved in the cave with telekinesis. He decided to climb the mountain since it was all he could do. Before he traveled again, he looked at his handful of gold and in his hands was lots of gold and a shiny red stone.
Jurlarndo conjured a storage dimension and threw his gold into it and held on to the stone, not knowing what value it could have.
“I wish this mountain was smaller.” Jurlarndo whispered.
Then suddenly, all existence went black for a few seconds. Then when existence came back, the mountain was not but a small hill!
“What the? Hmm… I wish… I was in Ikinjink!” said Jurlarndo.
Existence became black again, and then Jurlarndo was at his destination. A vast city. Jurlarndo detected good and found out that the whole city is good. Jurlarndo thought that this was going to be fun.
Jurlarndo went to a grocery store.
“HEY CLERK!!!” said Jurlarndo.
“Ya?” said the clerk.
“Gimme some gold… NOW!!!” said Jurlarndo
“What are ya gonna do?” said the clerk
Then Jurlarndo takes out an arrow with acid on the end. He held the arrow and stuck it in the clerk’s upper chest.
“What do you want?” said the clerk with a bunch of deep breaths
“GOLD STUPID!” said Jurlarndo
Then Jurlarndo got his gold, and then he gave some restoratives to the clerk and then Jurlarndo dashed off down the isle. The clerk, on the ground rubbing his chest, got up and muttered some words under his breath, then a beam of yellow light shot into Jurlarndo back, he then went under a trance. Then the clerk made Jurlarndo come in front him himself. Jurlarndo then escaped the trance, having a powerful mind, then he shot a green beam at the clerk and he fell to the ground and hit his head and was unconscious. Then Jurlarndo got out of the store.
Later, when the clerk got up, the clerk called the captain of the Ghijikia mercenary guild. A few minutes later, a tall burly man with black hair walked into the store.
“What seems to be the probl- you’re a clerk? Well, as long as I get want I want and you get what you want…”
“There was a robbery! He just escaped by grasp! I am a mind manipulator and he escaped me! I want you to track him down, and kill him! All I want is his head! You’ll get three thousand dollars. Here is one hundred dollars of it now. Now go.” Said the clerk dramatically. The clerk looked the mans badge. The mans name was Metlej.
Metlej went off for Jurlarndo.

What should I change?


If it is bad, tell me what can make it good. Thanx!
------------------
The Black Killer

[This message has been edited by Shadow (edited 06-02-2001).]

[Shadow]

And what should I do for ch 2?

------------------
The Black Killer

[RudeDawg]

Looks good...

I think we need to ask Ziroc for a Writer's Forum...

Where are you heading with this? What do you want to do?

------------------


[This message has been edited by RudeDawg (edited 06-02-2001).]

[Shadow]

Umm. I just wanted to ask if it is good or not or should I change it before I write a ch2 in my Microsoft Word.


------------------
The Black Killer

[RudeDawg]

Originally posted by Shadow: Umm. I just wanted to ask if it is good or not or should I change it before I write a ch2 in my Microsoft Word.

OH. LOL I butcher the language in my own writing. Father Bronze or Fljotsdale will be your best bets in editing ideas... FB is a teacher, and Fljotsdale a VERY well-read librarian...



------------------

[Redblueflare]

I like your story Shadow, it's hilarous! I laughed through the entire hold-up part. I'm not much of an editor, but it doesn't look like you have much (If anything) to change.

------------------
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I just don't have to listen.

[Shadow]

Thanx! (sincerely)

------------------
The Black Killer