on the lighter side, chamber of laughter is back.....

[J.J.]

Light travels faster than the speed of sound. That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

A man who had been called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service asked
his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let
him think you're a pauper," the accountant replied.Then he asked his lawyer
the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Don’t let them intimidate
you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."Confused, the man went to his
priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution on
the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the priest. "A woman, about
to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a
heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck,’ her mother
said. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. ‘Wear
your sexiest negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel.’"Confused, the
man asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the
IRS?""Simple," replied the priest. "It doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re
going to get fucked anyway."




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

WHAT A DIFFERENCE 30 YEARS MAKES
PART I:

1970: Long hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund

1970: KEG
2000: EKG

1970: Acid rock
2000: Acid reflux

1970: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
2000: Moving to Calif. because it's warm

1970: Growing pot
2000: Growing pot belly

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1970: Seeds and stems
2000: Roughage

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints
2000: Popping joints

1970: Our President's struggle with Fidel
2000: Our President's struggle with fidelity

1970: Paar
2000: AARP



------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

> Subject: who's in charge?
>
>
> >
> > All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide
> > who was the one in charge.
> >
> > "I should be in charge, "said the brain, "because I run all the
body's
> > systems, so without me nothing would happen".
> >
> > "I should be in charge" said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen
all
> > over, so without me you'd all waste away."
> >
> > "I should be in charge, " said the stomach," because I process food
and
> give
> > all of you energy."
> >
> > "I should be in charge" said the legs, "because I carry the body
wherever
> it
> > needs to go."
> >
> > "I should be in charge" said the eyes, "because I allow the body to
see
> > where it goes."
> >
> > "I should be in charge, "said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible
for
> waste
> > removal."
> >
> > All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so
in a
> > huff, he shut down tight.
> >
> > Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach
was
> > bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery and the blood was
toxic.
> > They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.
> >
> > The Moral of the story?
> > The asshole is usually in charge.
> >




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

The Best That Could Happen

Three old men were talking about the best thing that could happen to
them at this point in their lives.

The 80-year-old said, "I'd like nothing better than to have a good
pee. I just stand there and it dribbles and hurts, and I have to go
over and over again."

The 85-year-old said, "I'd like nothing better than to have a good
bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on
and it's still a problem."

The 90-year-old man said, "Every morning at 6:00 am sharp I have a
good long pee and a half hour later I have a fantastic bowel
movement. I'd like nothing better than to wake up beforehand."




------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

Subject: Tissue Donation

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any
skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to
donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the
doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The
husband
and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came
from,
and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this
was a
very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new
beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends
and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion
at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything
you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I
need
every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

i should put this in Vasquez's mother in law thread too, ya think?


------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[J.J.]

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog doo, 20 feet back."

QUICK WIT:

A CARD YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK

"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"


------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[DragonMage]

OH NO! We've created a monster!!!!
Keep 'em comin'!

------------------

The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)

*Member of the HADB clan. Mage extraordinair.
Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy *
(when G is behaving)
"Allright! We'll call it a draw."

[J.J.]

Join in, Dragon Mage, send us your funnies so we can laugh. I'm going to spam everyone I know with 250's AT&T conversation, as soon as I get all the coffee off my screen and keyboard

------------------
Unstinting Gaurdian of Children
Defender of Those Unable To

To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy. Nuke'm til the damn camels glow.

[John D Harris]

ROTFLMAO!!!!! I knew Sphinxsters were more important than popular belief.

[ 11-14-2001: Message edited by: Ziroc ]