Amusement for Monday

[Charean]

Kids learn the darndest things, dept....

Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they
keep journals of amusing things their students have written
in papers. Here are a few examples:

1. The future of "I give" is "I take."
2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house
increasing the population.
5. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
6. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
7. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on
the top and you sit on the bottom.
8. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get
our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
9. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly
constipated authorities.
10. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
11. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
12. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
13. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

I wonder if they all still live in Utah?

[Charean]

More on the Bizarre News Front:

---------- Felony Arrests Up Among Second Graders ----------

ANTHONY, Florida - In an increasing effort to enforce zero-
tolerance policies, Florida police are no longer putting up
with out-of-control 7 year olds. All hell broke loose this
week during art time at The Anthony Elementary School in
Florida. A 7-year-old boy didn't feel like sharing his
crayons and began yelling in class. He then chased other
students around the classroom with a pencil, stabbing four
kids. No one was seriously hurt, but Kristin Irvin, the
substitute teacher, nonetheless felt the child was threat-
ening. Police arrived at the crime scene and threw the book
at the boy. He was officially arrested and charged with
felony aggravated battery. No news yet on jail time. He
wasn't the first tyke to be arrested, though. Earlier in
the year, an 8-year-old boy at another Florida school was
arrested for stomping on his principal's toe.

----- Ratbots are Coming ------

The age of the robotic rodent is upon us. Using three elec-
trodes implanted in a rat's brain, researchers were able to
direct it via remote control through a maze, according to a
report in the journal Nature. The researchers who created
"Robo Rat" hope it'll help them gain a better understanding
of how mammals learn to navigate. "It's difficult to predict
what other studies this could be useful for right now," lead
researcher Sanjiv Talwar of the State University of New York
told New Scientist. "There's going to have to be a wide debate
to see whether this is acceptable or not." Still, even if the
control is relatively benign, "there are some ethical issues
here which I can't deny," Talwar said. Robo Rat could be used
to find earthquake victims or detect land mines.

[Mad scientists to begin experiments on human cadavers next
semester.]

------- Teenager Unscathed After Train Runs Over Him -------

OSLO, Norway - This teenager must have nine lives. An 18-
year-old male was so drunk that he passed out on a set of
railroad tracks. Fortunately he was lengthwise, because in
short order an 82-ton train approached at breakneck speed.
The train conductor feared the worse when he saw the teen-
ager lying there, but was unable to stop the train in time.
The train hurled over the boy at 75 mph, within inches of
his head only scratching his chin. After the train had been
long gone, the teenager woke up and walked away with a mere
scrape on his arm and hole in his shirt. Shrugging off the
incident, he said, "I don't remember a thing."

------- Teenager Unscathed After Train Runs Over Him -------

OSLO, Norway - This teenager must have nine lives. An 18-
year-old male was so drunk that he passed out on a set of
railroad tracks. Fortunately he was lengthwise, because in
short order an 82-ton train approached at breakneck speed.
The train conductor feared the worse when he saw the teen-
ager lying there, but was unable to stop the train in time.
The train hurled over the boy at 75 mph, within inches of
his head only scratching his chin. After the train had been
long gone, the teenager woke up and walked away with a mere
scrape on his arm and hole in his shirt. Shrugging off the
incident, he said, "I don't remember a thing."

---- Rust Bucket Pick Up Truck Object of Desire in Iowa ----

IOWA - This pick-up must be a real beauty to be stolen twice
in one day. According to Iowa driver Roy Wilson, his 17-year-
old rusting pick-up truck was first found in a car park in
Cedar Rapids hours after it was stolen. The "rust bucket"
was minus the steel worker's tools and a wad of dough, but
the fuel tank had been filled. Wilson believes the thief
used his money to purchase the petrol. The truck was parked
Wilson's home when it was stolen for the second time. Asked
how the police investigation is progressing, Wilson sighed:
"I don't even know if they're looking. They probably think
I'm crazy, because if you think about it, the whole thing
sounds nuts."

(At least they were polite enough to fill the tank!)

--------------Seniors Can Aspire to Superheros!----------------

VANCOUVER - A 74-year-old man is being hailed as a hero for
thwarting a bank robbery. According to police, the elderly
man was making a transaction at a bank branch on the city's
east side when the alleged robber entered the building wear-
ing a mask and brandishing a 12-inch knife. The man threw a
metal coin box at the thief's head as he tried to leave with
the stolen cash. Police said the dazed thief removed his
mask and ran outside to a waiting bicycle, only to have the
74-year-old crime-fighter pursue him down the street. The
man attempted to catch the robber on foot, but after realiz-
ing he was not fast enough, flagged down a motorist for help.
The pair pursued the thief in the car and called police with
a cell phone to bring them to the chase.

[Elif Godson]

smelt the iron... lol hahahahahaha I love the one about the scout als.
You have helped brighten my Monday and I thank you