I Have Been Utterly Humiliated

onthepequod · 05-09-2001, 08:21 PM

On the way home tonight I stopped by HomeDepot and "GOT ME A BOARD."

It wuz a purty board an I wuz gunna do some uv that wood cuttin stuff ol' Normy does on PBS.

Then, out of the blue, my wife yells down to my shop; "honey could you come here and do a favor for me?" Being the dutiful husband I like to think that I am, I answered; "absolutely!"

She then advised me the project would take 5 to 10 minutes. This didn't shake my resolve in the least and I said; "that's alright."

When I reached the living room, where my pregnant wife was reclining, she asked (with big eyelashes batting over her big green eyes); "would you please paint my toenails?" Without skipping a beat I answered; "huh?!?"

For those of you who are unaware, there comes a point during pregnancy when women can no longer reach their feet.

At this point I realized all was not a total loss an told her; "I would be happy to paint your toenails."

However, my wife, who obviously knows me too well, said; "You can't play around. No drawing pictures on my toes. And you must stay on the toenail." Now all was a total loss.

So I painted her nails to the best of my ability, which is somewhere near median grade school quality.

Well, at least I still had my board. But as I headed back to my shop, with my tattered manly dignity barely intact, she said; "could you do one more favor before you go downstairs?"

At this point I made a rookie move and turned to look at her as I answered. And there she was, still reclined, looking pregnant and helpless, with eyelashes batting. At this point I took my dignity firmly in hand and told her exactly what she could do with her requests. "Sure." I answered.

"Would you please put lavender lotion and rose scented talcum powder on my feet?" she asked.

So I did as she requested and prepared her feet, as close to her specifications as I am capable, for her night out at a baby shower.

BTW, guys did you know that applying talcum powder, before lotion is dry, produces a paste that is not easily removed? I didn't. Do now!

To make a long story short, my manly dignity is no longer in tact and I am about ready to bequeath my shop tools and machinery to someone more worthy.

My humiliation runs deep!

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

05-09-2001, 08:25 PM

Oh don't be so humiliated!
One of these days, if she hasn't already, she is going to have to ask for your help to get up from that recliner!
My most embarassing moment when I was pregnant was having to ask someone I barely knew if they could help me out of a chair!

Moni

------------------

[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 05-09-2001).]

RudeDawg · 05-09-2001, 08:29 PM

I'll take those tools....

SISSY....

<---- ready if you come at me...

------------------

The RudeDawg
Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes
and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

John D Harris · 05-09-2001, 08:35 PM

Onthepequod, I feel for you (wife, & two daughters) about the only thing you can do is to look at it from a differant angle. Like when you have to go out to the store at 11:00pm to get femine products, it means you got a woman. After all we're all pondscum

and count ourselves lucky that one of the fairer sex slowed down to let us catch them. Go downstairs and get your most powerful power tool and make a lot of noise

------------------

"the memories of a man in his old age,
are deeds of a man in his prime"

Wah · 05-09-2001, 08:39 PM

Don't fret mate, you did your best and you should be proud of it. Okay, perhaps the battering eyelashes "did" get you in the end but I'd say that was no way near as humiliating as some of my stuff. (please don't ask

)

PS: At least you "know" now how to paint toenails and put lotion/talcum powder.

I'd make a pretty cake-like mixture, if any woman told me the same thing.
No kidding.

So I should say well done!

------------------

Greetings Mortals. My Name Is Wah, Arch Lich Wah.

Lord of Alcohol · 05-09-2001, 09:20 PM

Hey can I have some tools too? I do actually use them, its my job! On second thought I better send you mine. It will help you regain ....what you lost

Lets see....one nailgun,compressor, and framing hammer in the mail to ya.

onthepequod · 05-09-2001, 10:26 PM

Moni,
You sound like the voice of experience/wisdom. Actually we have been there (i.e. me assiting her to get up) for some time now...she's due 5/26. But I still tell her she is barely showing and only when you see her profile.

LoneStarDawg,
I wrote; "I am about ready to bequeath my shop tools and machinery to someone more worthy." I did not say I am ready. Tsk, Tsk, RudeDawg. Trying to take another man's tools. Have you no shame?

BTW the manfacturer specs my tablesaw at 560 lbs., you'ld have a tough time getting it up the basement stairs. Next time we move we're using movers.

Those lucky buggers.

John D.,
Thanks for the sympathy. Likewise my heart goes out to you, with your two daughters. Daughters would prematurely age me! I would worry about them every day of their lives. Especially when those little flee ridden vermin known as boys started taking notice of them.

Being in a fraturnity for 3 years did not help my outlook in this respect.

Wah,
You're a kind Lich! You're right those batting eyelashes are a devastating weapon. Why do I get the feeling that Moni and Cloudbringer are wielders of this weapon of utter destruction? Hey!! I just got an idea for the Dwarven Throwers tread!

LOA,
You're too kind. But I have a Senco framing nailer, a compressor (although it is a little under powered), and two 24oz. Vaughns. I framed during my college years. I assume your a framer. Yes? FYI, frequently I envy guys like you who are out building something tangible. I would be interested in hearing any construction stories you may have.

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

05-09-2001, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Moni,
You sound like the voice of experience/wisdom. Actually we have been there (i.e. me assiting her to get up) for some time now...she's due 5/26. But is still tell her she is barely showing and only when you see her profile.

onthepequod,
you are a really sweet man!

BTW, my weapon of destruction is my pout lol! Rex can testify!
Of course, a pout combined with batting eyelashes is the ultimate weapon!

Moni

------------------

[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 05-09-2001).]

Cloudbringer · 05-09-2001, 10:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by onthepequod:
Moni,

Wah,
You're a kind Lich! You're right those batting eyelashes are a devastating weapon. Why do I get the feeling that Moni and Cloudbringer are wielders of this weapon of utter destruction? Hey!! I just got an idea for the Dwarven Throwers tread!

[This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

My my my...Hi onthepequod! *bat bat of lashes over hazel eyes*.

Moni, I think we've been insulted, ...or complimented?! LOL....

CloudFlirt

------------------

Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight
Heart Mind Soul Forever

Cloudbringer · 05-09-2001, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Moni:
onthepequod,
you are a really sweet man!

BTW, my weapon of destruction is my pout lol! Rex can testify!
Of course, a pout combined with batting eyelashes is the ultimate weapon!

Moni

OH YES!!!! THE

POUT!

Add the lashes and total devesation! hehehe ER Moni? Should we be giving away trade secrets?

TEEHEE

Cloudy

------------------

Raindancer of the Laughing Hyenas Clan
Storm-Queen
StormCloud of the Black Knight
Heart Mind Soul Forever

[This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 05-09-2001).]

05-09-2001, 08:39 PM	#5
Wah Symbol of Cyric Join Date: March 17, 2001 Location: England Posts: 1,160	Don't fret mate, you did your best and you should be proud of it. Okay, perhaps the battering eyelashes "did" get you in the end but I'd say that was no way near as humiliating as some of my stuff. (please don't ask) PS: At least you "know" now how to paint toenails and put lotion/talcum powder. I'd make a pretty cake-like mixture, if any woman told me the same thing. No kidding. So I should say well done! ------------------ Greetings Mortals. My Name Is Wah, Arch Lich Wah.

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05-09-2001, 08:21 PM	#1
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	On the way home tonight I stopped by HomeDepot and "GOT ME A BOARD." It wuz a purty board an I wuz gunna do some uv that wood cuttin stuff ol' Normy does on PBS. Then, out of the blue, my wife yells down to my shop; "honey could you come here and do a favor for me?" Being the dutiful husband I like to think that I am, I answered; "absolutely!" She then advised me the project would take 5 to 10 minutes. This didn't shake my resolve in the least and I said; "that's alright." When I reached the living room, where my pregnant wife was reclining, she asked (with big eyelashes batting over her big green eyes); "would you please paint my toenails?" Without skipping a beat I answered; "huh?!?" For those of you who are unaware, there comes a point during pregnancy when women can no longer reach their feet. At this point I realized all was not a total loss an told her; "I would be happy to paint your toenails." However, my wife, who obviously knows me too well, said; "You can't play around. No drawing pictures on my toes. And you must stay on the toenail." Now all was a total loss. So I painted her nails to the best of my ability, which is somewhere near median grade school quality. Well, at least I still had my board. But as I headed back to my shop, with my tattered manly dignity barely intact, she said; "could you do one more favor before you go downstairs?" At this point I made a rookie move and turned to look at her as I answered. And there she was, still reclined, looking pregnant and helpless, with eyelashes batting. At this point I took my dignity firmly in hand and told her exactly what she could do with her requests. "Sure." I answered. "Would you please put lavender lotion and rose scented talcum powder on my feet?" she asked. So I did as she requested and prepared her feet, as close to her specifications as I am capable, for her night out at a baby shower. BTW, guys did you know that applying talcum powder, before lotion is dry, produces a paste that is not easily removed? I didn't. Do now! To make a long story short, my manly dignity is no longer in tact and I am about ready to bequeath my shop tools and machinery to someone more worthy. My humiliation runs deep! [This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

05-09-2001, 08:25 PM	#2
Moni Guest Posts: n/a	Oh don't be so humiliated! One of these days, if she hasn't already, she is going to have to ask for your help to get up from that recliner! My most embarassing moment when I was pregnant was having to ask someone I barely knew if they could help me out of a chair! Moni ------------------ [This message has been edited by Moni (edited 05-09-2001).]

05-09-2001, 08:29 PM	#3
RudeDawg 20th Level Warrior Join Date: April 9, 2001 Location: Dallas, Tx, USA Age: 55 Posts: 2,830	I'll take those tools.... SISSY.... <---- ready if you come at me... ------------------ The RudeDawg Known in these Forgotten Realms as Perin LightEyes and my girlfriends, Pamila and Phil

05-09-2001, 08:35 PM	#4
John D Harris Ninja Storm Shadow Join Date: March 27, 2001 Location: Northport,Alabama, USA Age: 62 Posts: 3,577	Onthepequod, I feel for you (wife, & two daughters) about the only thing you can do is to look at it from a differant angle. Like when you have to go out to the store at 11:00pm to get femine products, it means you got a woman. After all we're all pondscum and count ourselves lucky that one of the fairer sex slowed down to let us catch them. Go downstairs and get your most powerful power tool and make a lot of noise ------------------ "the memories of a man in his old age, are deeds of a man in his prime"

05-09-2001, 09:20 PM	#6
Lord of Alcohol Xanathar Thieves Guild Join Date: January 8, 2001 Location: Charlotte,NC Age: 60 Posts: 4,570	Hey can I have some tools too? I do actually use them, its my job! On second thought I better send you mine. It will help you regain ....what you lost Lets see....one nailgun,compressor, and framing hammer in the mail to ya.

05-09-2001, 10:26 PM	#7
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Moni, You sound like the voice of experience/wisdom. Actually we have been there (i.e. me assiting her to get up) for some time now...she's due 5/26. But I still tell her she is barely showing and only when you see her profile. LoneStarDawg, I wrote; "I am about ready to bequeath my shop tools and machinery to someone more worthy." I did not say I am ready. Tsk, Tsk, RudeDawg. Trying to take another man's tools. Have you no shame? BTW the manfacturer specs my tablesaw at 560 lbs., you'ld have a tough time getting it up the basement stairs. Next time we move we're using movers. Those lucky buggers. John D., Thanks for the sympathy. Likewise my heart goes out to you, with your two daughters. Daughters would prematurely age me! I would worry about them every day of their lives. Especially when those little flee ridden vermin known as boys started taking notice of them. Being in a fraturnity for 3 years did not help my outlook in this respect. Wah, You're a kind Lich! You're right those batting eyelashes are a devastating weapon. Why do I get the feeling that Moni and Cloudbringer are wielders of this weapon of utter destruction? Hey!! I just got an idea for the Dwarven Throwers tread! LOA, You're too kind. But I have a Senco framing nailer, a compressor (although it is a little under powered), and two 24oz. Vaughns. I framed during my college years. I assume your a framer. Yes? FYI, frequently I envy guys like you who are out building something tangible. I would be interested in hearing any construction stories you may have. [This message has been edited by onthepequod (edited 05-09-2001).]

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