Joke of the day - Page 2

Lady Sedai · 06-23-2005, 03:14 PM

Oh...I laughed...in a "sick and twisted" kinda way. Mostly 'cause I *am* sick and twisted. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

But still...ewwwwwww!

Morgeruat · 06-23-2005, 03:21 PM

lol, ok then, for bonus points can you guess the brand of mustard it was? (the real mustard)

Lady Sedai · 06-23-2005, 03:36 PM

Grey Poupon

Get it? Poop on!

[img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ 06-23-2005, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: Lady Sedai ]

Jorath Calar · 06-23-2005, 03:42 PM

Here is one, in the same line as the first two... probably old... [img]smile.gif[/img]

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

VulcanRider · 06-24-2005, 07:04 PM

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that brunette sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to billigerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bears says, "I'm NOT on DRUGS."

You're gonna love this.......

The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."

=======================================
What about the bartender that wouldn't serve the snake a beer? Why? Couldn't hold his liquor.

Sir Goulum · 06-24-2005, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Morgeruat:
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

Lol! That's gross. [img]tongue.gif[/img]

RoSs_bg2_rox · 06-24-2005, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Morgeruat:
lol, ok then, for bonus points can you guess the brand of mustard it was? (the real mustard)

French Mustard?

Were you serioulsy talking from experience there Morgie?

ZFR · 06-24-2005, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by RoSs_bg2_rox:

Were you serioulsy talking from experience there Morgie?

Nah... I read the joke before and saw it in several other places.

ZFR · 06-25-2005, 06:57 PM

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 mph for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.....

06-23-2005, 03:21 PM	#12
Morgeruat Jack Burton Join Date: October 16, 2001 Location: PA Age: 43 Posts: 5,421	lol, ok then, for bonus points can you guess the brand of mustard it was? (the real mustard) __________________ "Any attempt to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, and I am just gonna snap." Knibb High Principal - Billy Madison

06-24-2005, 07:04 PM	#15
VulcanRider Lord Soth Join Date: July 25, 2002 Location: Melbourne FL Age: 59 Posts: 1,971	A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings. The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that brunette sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to billigerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bears says, "I'm NOT on DRUGS." You're gonna love this....... The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate." ======================================= What about the bartender that wouldn't serve the snake a beer? Why? Couldn't hold his liquor. __________________ ----- Help feed animals in shelters with just a mouse click at The Animal Rescue Site !!

06-25-2005, 06:57 PM	#19
ZFR Legion Symbol Join Date: February 14, 2002 Location: Ireland Age: 39 Posts: 7,367	A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions..... __________________ ZFR

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06-23-2005, 03:14 PM	#11
Lady Sedai Banned User Join Date: May 21, 2004 Location: Hiram\'s lap Age: 55 Posts: 334	Oh...I laughed...in a "sick and twisted" kinda way. Mostly 'cause I am sick and twisted. [img]tongue.gif[/img] But still...ewwwwwww!

06-23-2005, 03:36 PM	#13
Lady Sedai Banned User Join Date: May 21, 2004 Location: Hiram\'s lap Age: 55 Posts: 334	Grey Poupon Get it? Poop on! [img]tongue.gif[/img] [ 06-23-2005, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: Lady Sedai ]

06-23-2005, 03:42 PM	#14
Jorath Calar Harper Join Date: October 6, 2001 Location: Iceland Posts: 4,706	Here is one, in the same line as the first two... probably old... [img]smile.gif[/img] Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" "I kicked her in the face."

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