I cannot believe this

[Melusine]

Originally posted by Wah: The idea of always "hurting the one you love" is one of the world's most toughest paradoxes.

For each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword

Oscar Wilde
Sorry - just had to post that


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[Wah]

Originally posted by 250: shit do things for your loved one gets on her nerve? order food/drink for her, "cats will get along" "dont forget to feed the rabbit" etc etc, this makes one sick? what the ■■■■? so what should I do? you cannot be indifferent, you cannot be too caring neither! so what is a line that one shouldn't cross? HOW THE HELL IN THE WORLD do I know if I am suffocating someone with attention/caring ??? women, JESUS!!!!

[*]The border of independence[*]The border of concern[*]The border of neglect[/list]
They came up in a psychology lesson.

Perhaps it is a balance between the three, or two or maybe even one. Like I said - there is no correct answer.

"How much neglect is independence?"

"How much independence becomes neglect?"

I hope that through time, it has become a bond strong enough to determine these answers without words. And that's the answer that you're looking for.


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[250]

Originally posted by Melusine: Awww... that slightly changes matters... apparently she is fussed over a lot by everybody around her (for whatever reasons) and if you show your concern to her as well she may feel you are doing it for the same reasons as the others. She may feel they are treating her like a baby, or as if she cannot take care of yourself, and maybe she thinks you feel the same way? Have you tried explaining to her that you can't help caring about her because you love her? Maybe you do need to try to be a little less concerned about her - it will show to her that you DO believe she can take care of herself.

ackkk... perfect... just perfect... you know, this is getting interesting

because she DOES think people around her fuss her over too much (for some reason) then she once told me "so you are just like everyone else?"
she also said "I feel like I have no friends, that people are with me for some reason, they want to learn something, they are using me."

I see, so if I care about her, that will make her think I am "just like everyone else"

I will be less concerned about her then...

heh, this is the second time I've been told to stop. first is to hold my love in check, now is my caring... whats next?

Thank you, Melusine... sigh

she IS scared of close contact... I thought things improved when we were at the bart station...

ok, same old words then "back off"

one last question:

should I tell her she deserves to be cared for?
or should I just back off?

[Wah]

Originally posted by Melusine: For each man kills the thing he loves By each let this be heard Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word The coward does it with a kiss The brave man with a sword Oscar Wilde Sorry - just had to post that

Yeah, I've heard that one too.

There's also something similiar in Shakespeare's tragedies - dunno which one. Actually I shouldn've said this, because good old Shakespeare's "all spices".

(I'm just Salt or Pepper)



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[MILAMBER]

God, I don't want to sound insensative to the problem, believe me, but it sounds like she has some social issues. Give her a little bit of space. It sounds like that's what she wants. Who knows, maybe if she's left reasonably alone she may realize that she does need someone to be close with.

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"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
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[250]

ladies, guys, thank you for all your comments, I am gonna say this to her, any suggestions?

"ok, so, I know that people have given you too much attention, had cared you too much. But you know, if change you to anyone else, that girl would be so happy, know what that means? that means it is YOUR problem, so deal with it, I am outa here, damn you woman! all idiots!"

lol, rofl, just kidding, I have to give myself a good laugh, sorry, Melusine and other female members, I meant no offense, everyone is different

Originally posted by 250: should I tell her she deserves to be cared for? or should I just back off?

I think "cared for" would be the wrong term - that would sound like everybody else - she may be fed up feeling pitied since her last issues

"Sorry, honey, I didn't mean to crowd you - it's just that I love you so much" would be my wording

It's hard to say what else you can do though. You obviously don't want to push her away



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[250]

Originally posted by MILAMBER: God, I don't want to sound insensative to the problem, believe me, but it sounds like she has some social issues. Give her a little bit of space. It sounds like that's what she wants. Who knows, maybe if she's left reasonably alone she may realize that she does need someone to be close with.

true... but can relationship still grow if we remain a distance? ackk... back to the same words "patience"

alright, I will not care about her whatsoever.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

what is a freaking "good judgment"!!!!!???

[Lord of Alcohol]

I think everyone has given 250 lots of good advice to think about, just to add my two cents in just be yourself dude. I mean bend a bit here and there but if someone doesnt like the things that make you "you" then oh well ■■■■'em. They have to bend a bit too!
Hiram and LadyZ, thanks for getting that stupid song in my head, if I actually had a 10cc cd I would smash it right now. Yea yea "think she wants to break up, instead she wants to make up" BLAHHHHHHH thanks a lot!

[MILAMBER]

Originally posted by 250: true... but can relationship still grow if we remain a distance? ackk... back to the same words "patience" alright, I will not care about her whatsoever.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr what is a freaking "good judgment"!!!!!???

Is it growing now?


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"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
-General George Patton (1885-1945)

Member of CLAN HADB