Back to reality.....(Warning - meander of thoughts on past year)

[Staralfur]

Well that was that. Another year at Uni fininshed and I feel like I'm pretty much where I was at this time last year. Or to put it another way, I didn't really do anything this year that I didn't do last year, and I'm beginning to think I should have made more of it. Before I went to uni I did loads of sport, music, etc... and really enjoyed it. But it was all there infront of me so there was no effort to get involved. Now I don't really do much else apart from my course, despite deciding at the beginning of the year to should get involved in something. Mostly my fault I know, but it's hard to blame yourself sometimes.
I think maybe I spent too much time working; I got my exam results back on Friday, and did pretty well, infact pretty damn well. I should be feeling great because these ones count, and are by all accounts the hardest we have to do - ever. Instead I'm feeling a bit depressed, a bit underwelmed, a bit let down. I'm starting to think it may not have been all the effort.

Also I'm back 'home' now, which isn't helping. My parents house no longer feels like home, Nottingham feels like home, but I can't go back there until September. I guess I'm feeling a bit lost. Last year was the same, except I was living in hall and we had to clear our rooms out at the emd of every term. Imagine moving house 3 times in one year, it's coming close to that for being shaken up, I didn't really feel I was home anywhere. This year I was in a house so I could leave my stuff there over the holidays, this has made coming back at the end even worse. Yesterday wasn't too bad, I was too busy packing everything up and cleaning, then doing the reverse when I arrived here. Today I'm realising; 'That's it. You can't go back now', I'm missing being in Nottingham already. My friends here are spread out so I don't see them often, we all still get on, but are slowly drifting apart. I think this has only just, like a lot of things, hit me now.

I could go on, but I won't as I think this has already helped clear my head a bit. Thankyou if you read this far, and sorry I could be more eloquent, there are far too many 'I's' and 'also's', expressing myself has never been my strong point.

I would also like to point out that I picked up my Trombone today for the first time in 2 years, and I think I'll do the same again tommorow. I also plan to go running, and if I don't you have my permission to follow me around with a whip to make sure I run all the way.

Small things I know, but they're a start.

[kiwidoc]

Staralfur I am really glad to hear you picked up your trombone. I was at med school for 6 years and lived in 9 different places over that time. It is really disorientating, and in the end NOWHERE feels like home. You have my sympathies. Also good luck with your marks hon