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Old 03-16-2004, 07:36 PM   #1
Animal
Gold Dragon
 

Join Date: March 29, 2002
Location: Canada
Age: 51
Posts: 2,534
> > A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly
> > speak.
> >
> > After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
> >
> > The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
> >
> > on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I
> > start to get nervous, I take a sip."
> >
> > So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
> >
> > At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
> > He proceeded to talk up a storm.
> >
> > Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the
> > following note on the door:
> >
> > 1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
> >
> > 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
> >
> > 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
> >
> > 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
> >
> > 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
> >
> > 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
> >
> > 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
> > Junior and the spook.
> >
> > 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
> >
> > 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,
> > don't say he was stoned off his ass.
> >
> > 10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
> >
> >
> > 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take
> > this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
> >
> > 12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
> >
> > 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub
> > thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
> >
> > 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's
> > not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
> >
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Old 03-16-2004, 07:40 PM   #2
Dalamar Stormcrow
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I've seen this before
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Old 03-16-2004, 08:03 PM   #3
johnny
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That's my kinda bible.
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Old 03-16-2004, 08:16 PM   #4
TheCrimsomBlade
Lord Ao
 

Join Date: August 25, 2001
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That is Funny.
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Old 03-16-2004, 08:30 PM   #5
InjaYew
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Old 03-16-2004, 10:17 PM   #6
The Hierophant
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Quote:
Originally posted by johnny:
That's my kinda bible.
Hell yeah! That's how religion should be!
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Old 03-16-2004, 11:21 PM   #7
Intrepid
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Join Date: March 28, 2003
Location: Australia
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Hahaha
i laughed out loud for once at a couple of those.
That was really good.
best ones were 7, 9 and 12
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Old 03-17-2004, 01:22 AM   #8
LordKathen
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Now THAT is funny!!!
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Old 03-17-2004, 02:40 AM   #9
Djinn Raffo
Ra
 

Join Date: March 11, 2001
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I like my vodka mixed with white cranberry juice and a splash of rasberry liqueor.. mm.. that's good.
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Old 03-17-2004, 05:15 AM   #10
Zero Alpha
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Location: London, England
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Quote:
Originally posted by Djinn Raffo:
I like my vodka mixed with white cranberry juice and a splash of rasberry liqueor.. mm.. that's good.
how can you drink vodka? i really despise the taste. sambucha is Miles better, lovely aniseed taste . (liqourice YUM)
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