Engineers

[John D Harris]

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their
sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers-Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss
me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you
want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told
you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look I'm an
engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking frog...... that's cool."

[Daniel]

Even better than your heaven and hell thread.

[Davros]

LOL - great jokes. It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't spell Engineer - now I are one .

And as for your "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it" quote - you wouldn't believe how much I despise that saying. How the hell are you going to find out how something ticks if you take that attitude - you have to play with things to find out what will break them.

And one last thing - I hate slow play on the golf course - that Engineer made a perfectly sensible suggestion to me .

[Rolla ZE]

Thanks for the jokes. I'll have to pass them around to my fellow budding engineers.

Here is another joke for engineers.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist,"everything you told me is, technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

quote:

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Originally posted by Davros:
LOL - great jokes. It wasn't that long ago that I couldn't spell Engineer - now I are one .

And as for your "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it" quote - you wouldn't believe how much I despise that saying. How the hell are you going to find out how something ticks if you take that attitude - you have to play with things to find out what will break them.

And one last thing - I hate slow play on the golf course - that Engineer made a perfectly sensible suggestion to me .

---

The quote "If it ain't broke, Don't fix it" applies not to finding out how something works, but to those idjits who make changes just for the sake of making a change rather than useing their brain to see if the change is needed! I can't tell you how many times some goofball has patched a perfectly operating system, only to find out that the patch wasn't researched enough and ended up introducing fatal flaws and days of customer outage....If it ain't broke! Don't Fix it!

[Thoran]

Personally one of the best pieces of advice I ever got on being an engineer came from none other than Scotty from Star Trek. It came when he was making a walk-on appearance on ST-TNG and was talking to Jordie Laforge about being the chief engineer... he said something along the lines of "Listen laddie, if you want the captain to think you're a wonder you need to double all your time estimates for everything you do... then when the captain is in a pinch you can get the job done in half the time... instant miracle worker! [img]smile.gif[/img]

It's always better to fight for a longer schedule than to try to hit an overly agressive deadline and miss. At the very least if you can't hit the schedule you can point out that you TOLD them that they're schedule was unrealistic in the BEGINNING! [img]smile.gif[/img]

I have to say engineering is just about the funnest job a person can have... the pay's not bad either.

[Davros]

quote:

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Originally posted by MagiK:


The quote "If it ain't broke, Don't fix it" applies not to finding out how something works, but to those idjits who make changes just for the sake of making a change rather than useing their brain to see if the change is needed! I can't tell you how many times some goofball has patched a perfectly operating system, only to find out that the patch wasn't researched enough and ended up introducing fatal flaws and days of customer outage....If it ain't broke! Don't Fix it!

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As chief "meddlesome twat" overseeing a process that clears $1M profit per day I say piffle and poppycock (well to some extent anyway) [img]tongue.gif[/img] . Of course there are times when you need to settle the plant down and hold on to the process sweetspot, but celebrate your variability too for it is that which can be learnt from. Always seek to improve your knowledge of cause and effect. The past 2 months is a costly lesson to our plant that you shouldn't just expect anything to change in your historical relationships.

[Davros]

quote:

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Originally posted by Thoran:


I have to say engineering is just about the funnest job a person can have... the pay's not bad either.

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Your right, pays not that shabby, I enjoy it (the job), and of course CHEMICAL ENGINEERS RULE .

[Avatar]

Well that is not stereotyping at all....
In fact this would be: Those that can make jokes and those who can't.
[img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[ʆë®Ñï†Ý]

~clapps and does a lil' dance~ I'm about to become an Engineering student! Yes siree!!! Me, would you believe it?! ~proud look~ *peeks around* anyone have nething I should look at/investigate? ~gglz~

*tilts head* heehee great jokes!! ~beaming~ Love the management one too! ~chuckles~ If ONLY management did engineering too! Then they'd actually know what they were talking about. ~sad look and shakes head~ unfortunately too many are just filled with hot air

Heehee, Imperial college london should be fun! ~happy~ London... *dreamy sigh* shopping... ~sinkz into a happy puddle contemplating my next shopping trip~


EDIT: *poutz* can't type... ~rollz eyes~ too much integration has frazzled the poor lil' brain cell which I share with my best friends.



[ 03-05-2002: Message edited by: ʆë®Ñï†Ý ]