Ever had a major setback in life? How did you cope with it?

[Paladin2000]

Started a company with some friends a few years ago. Managed to make some money before everything starts to fall part. Laid off most of the staff but I still hang on the company, hoping for the "big break" that will come and save the sinking ship.

Finally got an offer from a friend about a job. The pay is better than what I could afford myself when my company was doing good.

Took me a few hours to realized that I must accept defeat and even if I failed once doesn't mean that I will fail forever. And at my age, I can't afford to hold on to empty dreams for too long. So I accepted the job offer and bid farewell to the company. I will probably sell the company off to someone or just close it. It does not matter anymore because I am off searching for a new future and a brand new dream.

I guess that is life. Sometimes it might not turn out like what you expected, but if you are patient and keep your chin up, good things might come to you. Life is full of surprises.

[ 08-02-2004, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: Paladin2000 ]

[Bozos of Bones]

Last month I had a final exam for CISCO semester 2. I was so powered up, aimed to prove I was the best and all. But, that exam wasn't the only one that week. The day before I had a major math exam and the day after I had a majojr physics test. Nerves building up, edge of seat for the whole week, but I never thought to falter. But, city traffic messed me up, and I came more than an hour late to a test with a fixed time of 1 hour 30 minutes. 'You've less than twenty minutes to finish the test!' my instructor said, and adrenalive started pumping. My head was somewhere, my thoughts elsewhere and I started the exam. 70% is required to pass, I had 68.9%. My heart felt like it skipped a beat, my forehead sweating. The instructor came up to me and said 'You have two tries to finish the exam, the second tries are in two months.' I asked 'Can you unlock the test now, please?' He looked at me, puzzled 'Now? That's your last shot of taking the exam, are you sure you don't want to go home and study?' 'No, thanks, I just need a minute to clear my head.' I aced the test with 96.5% in less than half an hour, top of my class. The day before I passed math, and the day later I passed physics. What I'm saying is this, when something sets you back, don't sit down and whine about it, look at it as a challenge and take it head on!

[Illumina Drathiran'ar]

Setbacks can be hard, I know... This is an acting-related regrouping strategy, but you can easily translate this stuff to whatever type of job you have, I think.

When I'm not cast in a play, I take time to analyze why. Was it the play, or was it me? Sometimes I'm not cast because they gave me a cold reading and I hadn't read the play before, thus giving me a disadvantage due to not understanding the context of my lines. Sometimes I chose a bad monologue for the play I'm auditioning for. Sometimes it's favoritism, and the roles were pre-cast with the director's friends. Sometimes it's because there were better tragic actors and I lean towards comedy. And sometimes it's because my personality did not fit a particular role.

Once I've figured out which of these factors led to me not being cast, I regroup. I will read the play in question, take a monologue from it, and add it to my repitoire. I will also examine plays I missed in the past and look for a pattern. Eventually my skills grow.

In my opinion, everyone can benefit from the analyzation/evaluation method.

[Gangrell]

The biggest setback in my life is easy to name, and I think I will mention it because it doesn't really bother me anymore.

It happened to me when I was about eight I think. I was living in a city, it was a fairly decent neighborhood but then a few months went by and major financial issues came into the picture. Then about a year later, as money was about to be paid, the land lord supposedly 'died' so the payment couldn't be delivered. Then, an order went out to have me and my family thrown out of our house and they kept everything we couldn't get out, which was nearly everything. Then another family came into the house and sold everything. And we've still had those financial troubles since up until last year I think. Now everything is smooth sailing.

[Jorath Calar]

The worst setback I had in my life happened about 3 years ago. I lived in a great appartment I rented, had a lovely girlfriend (well I thought she was lovely)and had a good wellpaying job, I thought my life was great until one day I get a note from the owner of the appartment that he had gotten a offer for it and I had to move out in 3 weeks, okey not too much trouble, we start looking for a new appartment but it doesn't go too well, then I come home from a late night shift at work, a little bit earlier than usual and find my girlfriend... well, since this is a family forum I'll just say she was with another guy... I was devestated, couldn't concentrate at work and about a week later I got a 3 weeks notice from my manager... he said it was "due to
rearrangements in the company".

How did I handle losing agirlfriend, job and a place to live in less than 3 weeks?

Horribly, I was depressed, no will to live and there was a time I just locked my self inside my room. Lost conntact with friends and after a while I moved back to my old town and in with my parents and got a horribly payong job in a factory.
Shortly after 911 happened and I figured I'd be stuck there forever, fortunatly I got a better job (at a gasstation, not good but better... [img]smile.gif[/img] )
After 3 years I am about to move out again, I have a job, and I'm looking for a appartment, I hope I had my share of bad luck but I won't jinx it by saying it aloud... [img]smile.gif[/img]

[T-D-C]

The biggest setback for me was in my last job where I was passed over for a supervisor and training role in my old Customer Service team. I was cut as I had actually trained the guy who got the promotion. He got to travel overseas to train a new team in Malaysia while I was stuck in Sydney.

It hurt for a while as I thought I would be in the same job for heaps longer. Then a transfer oppertunity came along that I took which moved me into our parent companys sales team. I ended up getting a better job and more pay so it all worked out well in the end.

[Cloudbringer]

Originally posted by Memnoch: And Amber, what happened to you is similar to what happened to me - the annoying thing is the guy that got it was someone I actually trained up when he started a couple of years ago. And the funny thing is, I don't REALLY want the job - I have my sights set higher than this job, it's more that someone else got it before me, and that in measuring myself against this person I think I'm better than them. It's the competitive side of me that's gotten bruised, I reckon. [img]smile.gif[/img] Anyway, thanks to all who shared their insights, look forward to reading many more when I wake up. As per Ronn's advice, I definitely hit the turps tonight.

Oh, Maz, I do know what you mean! I had to TRAIN the woman who got the job! I also trained her successor....and they got more money than I did! Burned for a bit, but hey, like you said, it wasn't really a job I wanted, at least not the way they molded it. [img]smile.gif[/img] So I let it go and enjoy getting paid way more than they wish they had to pay me for what they ended up making me do when they merged us and split up the office tasks. So I agree, let mr Competitive side seethe a bit and move on!

[ 08-02-2004, 08:28 PM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]

[Harkoliar]

posted by cloudy: -------------------- .....my colleagues grudgingly admitted I was right

i just really really want to say "that feels good eh?" . knowing that you are right for it.

honestly mario, i havent had any major setbacks as for now. Since im just really studying and all. But if you want my on POV as a student, i guess my own major setback was the first semester starting Sydney University and failing miserably. That did have a damage on my confidence, psyche, disappointment, time and all other kinds of things. It may seem a bit minor for your working adults out there, but for me, that really sucked. The only consolation I did was that I promised myself, i will not let myself into that situation as well. Its been a summer (make up classes ) and a semester after. Im still keeping my promise.

Going back to my comfortable hobbies and recuperate did help me keep back on track. My friends were in another country away so they could not help me at all aside from a few words of encouragement. Of course I did meet a few other friends here in sydney along the way but that was after my major setback.

If you want mario, lets meet up for a couple of drinks and drown our sorrows! . lol!

[Memnoch]

Thanks for sharing everyone...listening to some of the setbacks people have had, particularly Jorath, makes me realise how minor mine really is in the great scheme of things. It's fascinating seeing the gamut of emotions people go through to cope - it's a great learning experience, isn't it. It's through experiencing failure that you learn to succeed.

I had a coach back at school, u18s, when I was playing rugby who really made an impression on me. We were getting thrashed 56-0 and it wasn't even halftime yet. [img]graemlins/wow.gif[/img] They were bigger, faster, better than us. We had no chance - it was lambs to the slaughter. We came into the sheds at halftime and he tried to rev us up but to no avail - we were totally demoralised and dispirited. We went out in that second half and got blown away, ending up losing 128-0. When the game had finished we stood there numb - I had NEVER been flogged by that margin in any sport before. He came out, called us all around, and said to us: "Remember this feeling and remember it well...because you're going to NEVER want to experience it again." And guess what? He was right. We worked that much harder the next few weeks and got our season back on track. And we did end up playing that school again - unfortunately we lost again but only by 30 points this time. [img]graemlins/greenbounce.gif[/img]

[Animal]

I've had a few major setbacks in my life.

How many times has Donald Trump been bankrupt, or on the verge? Take a look at the majority of succesful people and you'll find that they had their share of setbacks.

The key is to use it as a learning experience, to find out why you were passed up for the promotion.

I own several business, and oversee about 1000 employees through various field managers and have had to make many decisions regarding whether or not to promote specific individuals within my companies more times than I can count.

The most major setback I've faced is being shot. I was in rehab for over 2 years, had to learn how to walk, how to feed myself, and in general how to cope with everyday life that most people take for granted. Today, I am very succesful.

Take it, learn from it, and improve yourself. [img]smile.gif[/img]