letting go

[mistral4543]

250,

I was one of those some time ago who tried to offer a different perspective in dealing with your situation. I see that you are still facing it now; so sorry to hear that

As I have mentioned earlier, sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing (ie, let go) and leave things as they are. If it works out, that is well and good. If it doesn't... well, life was never meant to be 100% smooth sailing, and perhaps it is one of the lessons we have to learn. The difficult way. At least, this is how I see it.

Do take care. I know it cannot be easy, so here's a little show of support for you (whatever your decision)

[img]graemlins/thewave.gif[/img]

[Cerek the Barbaric]

250,

I think you are making the right decision in a very difficult situation. You are going through a very painful time, but you will eventually emerge stronger and more mature because of it.

I only have one other suggestion. As you said, you are placing a BUNCH of responsibility on this girl to fulfill your needs. That can be extremely overwhelming....but it is also flattering. Deep down, she will be flattered that she is such an essential part of your life. And that is why you need to be cautious.

When you take your break from her, that excessive attention isn't going to be there, and I'll give it less than two weeks before she calls up to see if you two can "just get together or go to a movie or have dinner". Don't jump right back in the same situation. Make sure her feelings and intentions are genuine. She's been getting a LOT of attention from you and - whether she admits it or not - she is going to seriously miss it when it's gone.

I learned this when I was a teenager (far too many years ago). I worked with this girl that I had a huge crush on (OK, I was a teenager. I had a huge crush on LOTS of girls). Anyway, I was always chasing after this girl and she would be teasingly flirtatious, but that was it. Finally, I realized I was going nowhere with her...and I just accepted that as a fact of life. I knew she and I would never go out on a date. So, I quit chasing her. I wasn't angry with her, I just accepted the fact that she wasn't really interested in me.
All of a sudden, she was after ME every time I came to work. As soon as I stopped giving her attention, she started giving some to me. We never did go out, but we did end up as friends.

So, just be careful. I hope she does realize how much you truly care for her and how fortunate she is to have that. But be cautious if she comes running back too quickly.

The 2 extra years I spent in the relationship I mentioned earlier were completely wasted on my part. I was trying to "patch up" our relationship, but my girlfriend was just using me. She was dating other guys, but always had me to fall back on if she ended up without a date on Saturday night. I finally realized that, too. And that's when I broke it off for good.

I know this sounds like philosophical rubbish, but "If it's meant to be, it will be. If it isn't it won't" I'm old enough to realize that now. Too bad that wisdom couldn't have come earlier.

Trust me, God has someone out there waiting for you. Maybe this girl is the one, maybe she isn't. It may take awhile before you find out. I didn't have a single date for over 3 years after I broke up with my girlfriend, but then I met my wife...and we knew within 2 weeks that we were Soulmates. We've been married for almost 9 years and have 2 beautiful children with a third one on the way. We've NEVER had a really serious argument and we still love each other as deeply as the day we were married.

Be patient. You will find happiness.

[250]

Cerek the Barbaric

thank you, your words meant so much, and you probally have no idea how much bettr and encouraged by them. and thank you Mistral... Tsang is waiting, you wont dump him, would ya? [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

Sir Kenyth, Harkoliar, Neb, Cloudy, Djinn Raffo, Ladyzikkkkiiiii and Sazerac, thank you very much feel much better already! good place IW is! [img]smile.gif[/img]

I am immortal!! buahahahaha big

thank ya'll once more!

[Harkoliar]

quote:

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I admit I have a lot grow up to do.

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i do have one question for ya 250... how old are ya anywayz...??

[250]

what does that suppose to mean? I am 19...

[Redblueflare]

quote:

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Originally posted by Istaron:


She doesn't like you´cause you are ugly and have a smal dick.

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What the heck is with you lately? [img]tongue.gif[/img] onder: 250 i've been reading your posts about your girlfriend for awhile. I still don't understand what you're going through completely.(Since I haven't been through it) So i'll just say this. You don't seem like you're going to do it, but i'll say it anyway. Don't go get drunk over this. That's not going to help anything!

[Sir ReGiN]

Sorry to hear 250.
I know what you mean..
Love is the most wonderful thing in this world, but it is also capable of doing so much harm..
Guess they'll use it in wars soon [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Now I don't know how far you've gotten, since this thread is kinda old, but I think you really should talk to her.
It probarbly won't get you together, but it will help you understand and accept..
Don't force yourself on her, just meet her at a café or something, and
talk it through..
That's my advice [img]smile.gif[/img]

[250]

Sir Regin, thanks, I dont want to talk to her just yet. Not until I find myself in one piece. forget about her for now

[Sir ReGiN]

It's up to you, old boy

[Tabitha Silverwill]

I really, really, really feel for you. You probably still want to be able to love her and be with her and ignore all of the negatives of the relationship. The problem is that you can't. You (and she) deserve more. No relationship is 100% but one which is less than 65% healthy most of the time shouldn't really be dragged out. If it is, I would tend to think it's due to both parties being too scared of life without the security of an emotional bolthole.

Might get flamed for this, but I was in a dire situation 9 months ago. Bottom dropped out of my life and I was left distraught. Thought that forever meant forever but was proved wrong.

I don't know enough about the situation but I believe that a breakup is always easier in the long run when it is thrust upon you rather than being the person who dumps the other. That way you aren't wondering 6 months down the line whether you made the right decision or not. Having said that at least as the instigator, you have prior warning emotionally of the breakup.

The only thing I can say to you is that in 6 months time, you will be feeling better than you do now. You will be able to love again (albeit tentitively at first, as I am), you will be able to smile, laugh, joke and enjoy yourself again. With a bit more time you might even be able to ponder on the lovely parts of the relationship and look back in fondness, instead of pain, at the happy emotions she caused you to experience.

You WILL feel better - I did.

Many hugs, rubs and soft tissues to you. Take your time.

xo