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Old 12-19-2004, 10:02 PM   #11
Bungleau
40th Level Warrior
 

Join Date: October 29, 2001
Location: Western Wilds of Michigan
Posts: 11,752
At the end of it all, you have to answer to one person: yourself. If you're comfortable with where things sit, then it's okay.

For those who believe in a higher being, that being knows what's inside you, and what you truly feel. That counts more than any petty person alive on this earth.

I suspect it may be time for you to make your peace with your grandmother. I suggest deciding what final things you'd like to say to her before she passes on, and then say them. Acknowledge that she may or may not care about your feelings or thoughts, and that she may not believe they're true. Then allow her to be what she will, and grow in your own inner strength and comfort. You will be far better off for having done it, even if you don't get any of the approval you're looking for.

The hardest challenge I've had with family is resisting their efforts to push my buttons. They can certainly do it, and I certainly want to react. But if I do, I invite more and more of it, at higher and higher levels. So I ignore it and move on, and if they wish to remain their own shallow, heartless selves, more power to them. I just won't be around to enjoy it.
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Old 12-19-2004, 11:13 PM   #12
Cloudbringer
Ironworks Moderator
 

Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
I think Ziroc's assesment of some of why she's acting like that is probably right, Stormymystic and I think Bungleau's advice about seeing her without the kids is probably the best solution, from what you've posted.

That way you can deal with your grandmother, spend time with her and try and come to terms with her eventual passing away so that when she is gone you won't look back and regret not saying goodbye...it sounds like you want that but aren't sure how to do it. I know it's hard and I wish you the best as you struggle through this rough time.
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Old 12-19-2004, 11:42 PM   #13
Stormymystic
Knight of the Rose
 

Join Date: April 8, 2003
Location: Arkansas
Age: 48
Posts: 4,442
thanks for all of your advices on this. I just hate being put in this postion to begin with but I will have to at least try and make peace with her. maybe things will work out [img]smile.gif[/img]
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Old 12-20-2004, 11:07 AM   #14
Lavindathar
Harper
 

Join Date: March 21, 2001
Location: Lancs, England
Age: 39
Posts: 4,729
Give her a chance, it must be terrible knowing you are going to die, plus the medication will be taking its effect.

I'd carry on as best you can, and all of your family keep in touch with your grandmother, and ignore her comments as best you can, but try to stick it through. If you abandon her now, you'll be upset later.
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Old 12-20-2004, 11:26 AM   #15
Lady Sedai
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Join Date: May 21, 2004
Location: Hiram\'s lap
Age: 55
Posts: 334
Stormy, I truly regret hearing of your situation.

I know how it is, personally...been there, dealt with that.

The best advice has already been given, so I won't repeat them, but I *will* stress strongly how you have to come to a point where you realize your "true" family are not always those you are blood-relatives of. Your family are coyote, your kids, your friends and other family members who *accept you as you are*! [img]smile.gif[/img]

When you realize how fruitless and even unhealthy it can be to try and "make someone love you" or try to make them acknowledge they've got you all wrong, it will be easier on you. Their hangups are their OWN and you shouldn't make what "they" think of you affect your self-image or self-esteem. You know who you are really and how valuable you are as a person and those who are your *true* family know this as well. Let those people (the ones who love and accept you) be the ones who you look to as your support.

I went through this with my own grandmother and with my father. My father and I managed to reconcile things before he passed because *he* finally got psychological help for his PTSD. But when my grandmother died, I didn't even care. I shed not one tear. She was a miserable, mean-spirited woman who never had anything nice to say about anyone and would turn family members against each other just so *she* would feel in control. She frequently claimed that she wished her daughter (her youngest child of 5) was never born!...to her face!! The best I can say is that I pitied her. Anyone who was such a miserable person to others had to be abhorrently wretched inside.

You do what *you* know is best and what makes *you* feel the most comfortable and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it. But don't regret the outcome if your grandmother doesn't see "the error of her ways". We can hope, but don't count on it. Just remember that HER hangups are HER problem. Don't make them yours.

All the best, dear.

*hug* [img]smile.gif[/img]

Edit: Oops! I ranted again, didn't I? *blushes*

[ 12-20-2004, 11:37 AM: Message edited by: Lady Sedai ]
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