custody of kids week on week, adoption out, what is your direct experiences? need in

[J.J.]

I am hoping to find out first hand what your experiences with week and week custody were, expecially in hostile custody situations. i am more interested in those who had to live it as a kid, or are now. only those folks, please, I already understand the parent's full range of despair and delight.

I need to know from the viewpoint of the unfortunate ping pong person this type of schedule makes. was that the way it was from the beginning?
folks amicable or hostile?
was that what YOU wanted?
what sort of input did you have in the decision?
was it drug thru courts?
what did you hate/like about?
did one parent being more lax/permissive than the other play a large role in your preference?
ever in danger of failing a grade/class level?

Amanda will be 11 in a few weeks, and could end up having to re-do the 5th grade because of bad grades. I have ended up having to teach her alot of her basic skills when she is with me, which has resulted in my winning the battle and loosing the war. Her math grade is up from an f to a c, but she wants to stay with her mom the weeks of the school year because it is not too much fun at dad's doing all the school work from the previous week while doing this weeks as well.

have to confess, i don't much care for it either. pyhhric(sp?) victories are not worth the ashes and blood they are made of, so what do I do? - more importantly, what did YOU do? why? how do you feel about what happened? what would you change if you could - having both parents be nice or act like polite adults is, unfortunately, the one thing that never happens.

will check back, gotta get up in 2 hrs and start all over again. give me time to mull the thing that has me REALLY upset. Kathleen and Kyleia will be 3 this july. thier mom disappeared wtih them for over 8 months last year, and this is finally grinding thru the judiciary, but now the real twist: the guy that psycho mother of most of my children is shacked up with is actually going to marry her, and they have talked about him adopting the girls. amanda and i are pretty much strangers to them, though the ready availablity of law enforcement does lend a bit of regularity to our weekly visits at the local burgerking while waiting for this summer's parenting procedures......

I know that a coherent family is best for kids, especially young ones, but how can you make that cover up the feeling that you are abandoning them and feeling immensely guilty about it? what has been your direct experience with anything like this, most definitely if this has happened to you - if you feel like telling. I sure can't ask the girls... 'preciate your input if you've got it, your prayers will certainly be a good substitute...thanks, irongang. very sad dad JJ.

[Lady Avalon]

My prayers are with you J.J. I know what you are going through. I can't give you the viewpoint that you want. I am a parent that has gone through very emotional times these last 11 1/2 years. I feel for you, I really do.

[Morgeruat]

I was hoping to be able to give you some help, but in our current situation we have custody of Justice (RevRuby's daughter) on weekends only, and the entire situation is FUBAR, all i can offer is hope that things will get better, if your keep things up then she'll appreciate it in the long run, it may not happen until the late teen years though.

is there any way you can try to use the lack of emphasis on schooling her mother provides in court? I also don't know what your local laws say about custody, in PA once the child is 12 they choose which parent they want to be with, although i'm sure once her report cards reflect the result of staying with her mother (god forbid she chooses that route) your case will be alot stronger, as it will be quite visibly in her best interests to stay with the stricter parent.

[Bungleau]

Can't give you the specific viewpoint you're looking for, but as a child of divorced parents, one of the biggest things you can do is to avoid placing children between the two of you.

It took me until I was almost 19 to figure out that my best response to "Will you tell your father/mother..." was "No. That's between the two of you, and I don't want to get in the middle.

Children shouldn't have to choose between one parent or another, no matter how much evidence you may have as to how screwy, bizarre, and generally unfit for parenting the other person may be. Keep issues between you between you, and move on from there.

Now, that all being said, your best friend in this will be documentation. Document all that happens with schoolwork, homework, behaviors, incidents, and so on. If you walk into court with documented history from the past six months to a year, you have a definite step up on the competition, so to speak.

Good luck, in every sense of the word. Prayers to your children as well.

*B*