Questions...Some old, some new

Arvon · 03-08-2002, 12:44 PM

Tough Questions

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Kaz · 03-08-2002, 01:07 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Arvon:

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?

Of course he's wrong, he's ALWAYS wrong! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Seriously, now... ROFLMAO! Some - no most - of those are hilarious! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

Scholarcs · 03-08-2002, 02:47 PM

Good stuff Arvon, funny as anything like usual! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img]

LennonCook · 03-08-2002, 10:26 PM

I love it, I love it!!

Lioness · 03-09-2002, 12:59 AM

ROTFLMAO!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img]

And Kaz is right of course.

/)eathKiller · 03-09-2002, 10:50 AM

I haven't laughed all day but you nearly made me die laughing just now... LOL i can hardly contain myself! -Stimpy

AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe · 03-09-2002, 03:55 PM

very good arvon I enjoyed those very much

03-08-2002, 02:47 PM	#3
Scholarcs Red Dragon Join Date: December 5, 2001 Location: Auckland, New Zealand Age: 38 Posts: 1,557	Good stuff Arvon, funny as anything like usual! [img]smile.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] __________________ <br />\"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five\" - Groucho Marx<br />Member of the ORT Clan. <br />\"Some birds are not meant to be caged because their feathers are too bright\"<br />Ma bouche sera la bouche des malheurs qui n\'ont point de bouche, ma voix, la liberté de celles qui s\'affaissent au cachot du désespoir. - Aimé Césaire<br />La plus perdue de toutes les journées est celle où l\'on n\'a pas ri. - Sébastien Roch Nicolas

03-09-2002, 12:59 AM	#5
Lioness Jack Burton Join Date: June 3, 2001 Location: Among the Stars Age: 36 Posts: 5,837	ROTFLMAO!!! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] And Kaz is right of course. __________________ [img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/lioness1.jpg\" alt=\" - \" /> <br /><br />Premier Waitress/Smacker of Cloudy\'s Cafe<br /><br />\"the only people for me are the mad ones...\"

03-09-2002, 10:50 AM	#6
/)eathKiller Dracolisk Join Date: January 5, 2002 Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba Age: 38 Posts: 6,043	I haven't laughed all day but you nearly made me die laughing just now... LOL i can hardly contain myself! `-Stimpy` __________________ [img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o;

03-09-2002, 03:55 PM	#7
AzRaeL StoRmBlaDe Hathor Join Date: October 11, 2001 Location: At My Computer Age: 43 Posts: 2,217	very good arvon I enjoyed those very much __________________ Now the swinging bridge<br />Is quieted with creepers. . . <br />Like our tendrilled life. -Basho

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03-08-2002, 12:44 PM	#1
Arvon Unicorn Join Date: October 4, 2001 Location: Kingdom of the West,..P.o. Cynagus Posts: 4,212	Tough Questions Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines? How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The older you get, the better you realize you were. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Women like silent men, they think they're listening. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? If God dropped acid, would he see people? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

03-08-2002, 01:07 PM	#2
Kaz Thoth - Egyptian God of Wisdom Join Date: August 16, 2001 Location: UK Posts: 2,891	quote: Originally posted by Arvon: If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? Of course he's wrong, he's ALWAYS wrong! [img]tongue.gif[/img] Seriously, now... ROFLMAO! Some - no most - of those are hilarious! [img]graemlins/biglaugh.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh2.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/laugh3.gif[/img]

03-08-2002, 10:26 PM	#4
LennonCook Jack Burton Join Date: November 10, 2001 Location: Bathurst & Orange, in constant flux Age: 37 Posts: 5,452	I love it, I love it!!

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