10-29-2002, 03:18 PM | #1 |
20th Level Warrior
Join Date: September 6, 2001
Location: The lighter side of life, a.k.a. Newnan, Georgia
Age: 55
Posts: 2,767
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Evidently the White House is responding to some whiners and complainers who are upset over the treatment of the Islamic Jihadist detainees at Gitmo in Cuba. The Neal Boortz Show has come into possession of this letter, which speaks for itself:
The White House 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC Dear Concerned Citizen Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. My administration takes these matters seriously, and your opinion was heard and heeded here in Washington. You will be please to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, I will be announcing today the creation of a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers," or LARK. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one Al Qaeda terrorist under your personal care. Your very own personal terrorist detainee has already been selected and will be arriving at your home under heavy armed guard next Monday. His name is Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud, but you can just call him Ahmed. He is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment to my office. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those standards you so strongly recommended in your letter. Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses that hand to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your yard). But look on the bright side .. no increased toilet paper expenses. Ahmed generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your own personal detainee has a terribly bad case of body lice that we have been unable to completely remedy. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's portable cage: "Does not play well with others." Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your liberal sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these antisocial character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. Ahmed will, given a chance, bit you. We have included a copy of his latest rabies test, which showed negative results. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish a human life with simple household items such as a pencil or nail clippers. We suggest that you refrain from asking him to demonstrate these skills for your morning coffee klatch. Ahmed is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him. Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons. To facilitate this education you may wish to have several copies of the Q'uran available for his use. Oh ? and rest assured that Ahmed absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs. Roasted will be fine, but dog-kabob works perfectly well. Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think that watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to interact. So, we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business in the next few days, just to help you do your job better. Please, don't be concerned that our federal observation team has the power to close your business, seize your property and arrest you for any violation of 4,850,750 laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They are really there to help and to make sure you do everything in the proper way. Thanks again for this opportunity to interact with such a valued and compassionate member of the American family. You take good hear of Ahmed, you hear? And let us know when you think he is ready to be released into American society. Very truly yours, George W. Bush.
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[img]\"http://home.earthlink.net/~moraine_sedai/_uimages/dragonmage.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> [img]\"ubb/noncgi/smiles/hero2.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> <br />Alureth...Dragon friend of Lady Breanna<br /><br />Co-Owner/Operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.<br />Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force<br />Mother Hen of IW and Mage extraordinaire.<br /><br />Utterly in love with my soul mate, Hiram. |
10-29-2002, 03:37 PM | #2 |
Dracolich
Join Date: August 28, 2001
Location: Hurricane Valley
Age: 51
Posts: 3,089
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LOL, How Larkish.
And yes you are forgiven, it was my fault, never saw the post It's all good |
10-29-2002, 04:21 PM | #3 | |
Ironworks Moderator
Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Midlands, South Carolina
Age: 48
Posts: 14,759
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Lol! This part is especially good...
Quote:
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10-29-2002, 04:51 PM | #4 |
Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice
Join Date: September 19, 2001
Location: Behind these metal bars
Age: 41
Posts: 3,117
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I want a terrorrist! A knew one, you know, with the full works:
*Human Shield 3.5 *Minimum Diet 2.5 *Limited English 1. *Ragged clothes 2 *Guard Dog Understudy 3.5 [img]tongue.gif[/img]
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I <b>am</b> the party!!<br /> [img]\"http://zert0.net/iuti/img2/1381585-vi.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> |
10-29-2002, 06:00 PM | #5 |
Xanathar Thieves Guild
Join Date: January 8, 2001
Location: Charlotte,NC
Age: 60
Posts: 4,570
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Funny Dragonmage! I hope nobody in my neighborhood gets one!
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No |
10-29-2002, 06:09 PM | #6 |
Ironworks Atomic Moderator
Join Date: January 7, 2001
Location: Virginia, U.S.A.
Age: 57
Posts: 9,005
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ROTFL!!!
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10-29-2002, 08:33 PM | #7 |
Zartan
Join Date: March 11, 2001
Location: North Carolina USA
Age: 57
Posts: 5,177
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I love it!
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[img]\"http://home.carolina.rr.com/orthanc/pics/Spinning%20Hammer%20Sig%20Pic.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> |
10-29-2002, 09:40 PM | #8 |
Dracolisk
Join Date: January 5, 2002
Location: Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
Age: 38
Posts: 6,043
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lol... ey! I live down here, and I must say, it's not that bad! we give them food, shelter, a tropical vacation, if you will...
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[img]\"http://membres.lycos.fr/th8or/ZeroSigForIronworks.gif\" alt=\" - \" /> o.o; |
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