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Old 12-02-2005, 10:14 AM   #1
Cloudbringer
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
Hee hee hee...or is that Ho Ho Ho?! Found this today and thought I'd share.

-------------------------------------

Internet Style
A festive holiday poem
Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose


'Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing.
Geeks? Yeah, you bet.

The e-mails were stacked by
the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled
all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java
danced in their dreams.

My wife on the sofa
and me with a snack,
We just settled down
at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web
there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site
to see what was the matter.

To a new page my Mac
flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle.
It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought
and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways
and clicked on my mouse.

When what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page
that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved,
so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment
it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than mainframes,
more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen,
my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!",
my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!"
Santa started to squeal!

"Jump onto the circuits!
And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up!
Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker,
he was into my RAM,
Then into my room
rose a full hologram!

He was dressed in all red,
from his head to his shoes,
Which were black
(the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs
he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude
who was rarin' to hack!

His eyes, how they twinkled!
His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa
that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye
and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know
I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word,
gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive
with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive,
and added a SIMM,
Then threw in some cool games,
just on a whim!

He worked without noise,
his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures
with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office,
Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver
with a red clucking chicken!

My eyes widened a bit,
my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest
version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl,
as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled,
the computer appeased.

Then placing his finger
on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing
but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen
and through my uplink,
Back into the net
with barely a blink.

But I heard his sweet voice
as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all,
and to all a good byte!"

[ 12-02-2005, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]
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Old 12-02-2005, 10:43 AM   #2
Cloudbringer
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Join Date: March 1, 2001
Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
The 12 Days of Christmas...email style
******************************************


The 12 Days of Christmas
Presents and All
__________________________

From: Sandy Clause, Sandy@Clausenet.com December 14
My dearest darling Nick:
Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear tree?
Thank you a hundred times!
All my love forever,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 15
Dearest Nick:
I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves!
They're adorable. Thanks again!
Love always,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 16
Dear Nick:
Aren't you the extravagant one.
I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens!
Love,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 17
Dear Nick:
Today I got the four calling birds.
Now really, they're beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic?
Affectionately,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 18
Dearest Nick:
What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden rings,
one for every finger. Just in time, as those birds squawking
were starting to get on my nerves, and I was beginning to
wonder about you!
Love,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 19
Dear Nick:
When I opened the door today there were six geese laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again? These
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors
are complaining. Please stop.
Cordially,
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 20
Nick:
What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming.
What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop everywhere. I
can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop!
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 21
O.K. Buster:
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's
not enough with all those birds - they had to bring their
cows! There's manure everywhere and I can't move in my own
house. Just lay off, smartass.
Sandy
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 22
Hey Bonehead:
What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing - and I mean playing! They haven't stopped chasing
those maids since they got here. The cows are upset and
they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am
I going to do? The neighbors want me evicted. What were you
thinking?!
================================================== ============
From: Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 23
You rotten jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say "ladies."
They've been fooling around with those pipers all night long.
Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause
why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the
police on you.
================================================== ============
Sandy Clause Sandy@Clausenet.com December 24
Listen you "#$%&*^#"
Great - now there's eleven lords a leaping on those maid and
ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have been trampled to
death in the orgy. The pipers have even started getting the
cows into the action. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten
vicious swine!!!
Your sworn enemy
================================================== =================
Elves Toymaker, Esq.EToymaker@Elvestoymaker.com December 25
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers
fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client,
Ms. Sandy Clause. The destruction of her property and peace
of mind was, of course, total. All correspondence should
come to our attention. Should you attempt to locate or
contact Ms. Clause at the sanitarium where she now resides,
the attendants have been instructed to have you arrested on
sight.
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Old 12-02-2005, 11:23 AM   #3
Cloudbringer
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Location: Upstate NY USA
Posts: 19,737
For those of you sharing a room/apartment...hehe

----------------------------------------


25 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate During Christmas


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder.
Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap. Refuse to get off.
Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town..."
Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it. Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say "you've been very naughty this year."
Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer games.
Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I.E. "You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last night.")
Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in the snow.
Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two front teeth..."
Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of Christmas song.
Build a snowperson with your roommate and place a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically "it didn't work!"
Whip your roommate screaming "now Dasher, now Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc."
Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations yelling "Bah Humbug!"
Wake up every morning screaming "Ghost of Christmas Future, please have mercy on my soul!"
Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying you a house on 34th Street.
Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.
Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat the best parts first.
Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your roommate's friends "give it a yank."
Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings."
Stand in front of the mirror reciting "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over in your underwear.
Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When s/he wakes up sing, "he sees you when you're sleeping..."
Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her "I had to let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."
When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must have done it.

[ 12-02-2005, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Cloudbringer ]
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Old 12-02-2005, 01:42 PM   #4
robertthebard
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Join Date: March 17, 2001
Location: Wichita, KS USA
Age: 60
Posts: 4,537
Rats, no roommates...
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Good Music: Here.
Interesting read, one of my blogs.
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Old 12-02-2005, 01:46 PM   #5
Black Knight
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Location: Delaware OH USA
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Thanks, Cloudy...no room at the inn...priceless
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Old 12-02-2005, 02:05 PM   #6
Cloudbringer
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ROTFL, well, RtB you can improvise and do it next time you visit someone!

HEHE... I know, BK, that one got me laughing out loud at the office!
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Old 12-02-2005, 04:59 PM   #7
Madman
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classic stuff cloudy, one quetion tho whats a poinsettia ???
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Old 12-03-2005, 04:23 PM   #8
VulcanRider
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Quote:
Originally posted by Madman:
classic stuff cloudy, one quetion tho whats a poinsettia ???
It's a traditional Christmastime decorative plant with red & green leaves. Read all about it
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Old 12-03-2005, 06:06 PM   #9
Madman
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ahh... not somethin we see much of in scotland think we use holly as our equivalent
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Old 12-03-2005, 07:40 PM   #10
Cloudbringer
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We use holly too, but poinsettias are a very popular plant around the Christmas season too.
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