The modern marriage.

[Attalus]

LOL, Epona, that is what we are worried about. Hope that your burn is better.

[Hexa]

Originally posted by Sir Krustin: I think that the increased rate of marriage breakups (and then general lack of respect for the institution) is a matter of selfishness. There are too many people that want instant gratification, and aren't willing to take responsibility for the results of their actions. No commitment, just the pleasure of the moment. I'm not going to get into women in the past being imprisoned in bad relationships, or home violence, or anything like that but you might want to think about the general lack of stability in a society that doesn't take the nuclear family seriously. It's well known that Soviet Russia (shortly after the revolution) disdained marriage, seing it as an outdated western tradition. Within a few short years, their society was falling apart (much like western society today, in fact) high rates of juvenile crime, etc. It didn't take them long to do an about face, and basically make it mandatory to be married if you wished to pursure a carnal relationship - violations were severely punished (at least for the plebes [img]smile.gif[/img] ). Without a stable family structure to grow in, and caring parents to nurture them (*both* parents) kids just don't grow up to be fully functional members of society. I see it all the time. I also see the counterexamples - strong families with devoted parents bringing up happy, well balanced children.

Well at the begining of your post I was all nodding and all .. (nice arguments)
Why did u clutter them up with that Russia talk .. it broke the whole line of thinking IMnsHO!@

Lharae: very nice post ( u write these kind of posts at 25 years of age?)

[ 09-19-2002, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: Hexa ]

[Cloudbringer]

Well, I surely don't plan to marry for money or 'economic' reasons! [img]tongue.gif[/img] Hell, my tax bracket will be worse - married couples get stuck on the tax rosters in the US. If that's all I wanted, I'd stay single.

I'm marrying for love and committment to one man, someone I want to spend my life with and wish to make a permanent, legal (and for me, religious)committement to. He is not Christian, so he's not doing it for that reason and marriage was his idea at first and he sure can't be looking for money in this relationship! LOL So I'm gonna have to say he's also looking for that committed relationship and the stability of marriage.

I agree with those who have suggested that many marriages break up today because those entering them do so for the wrong reasons or without really thinking it through. Marrying someone on a 'whim' or just because you think it's a good idea at the time isn't likely to end up permanent. Marriage is a major committment of time and energy and COMPROMISES! Many people forget that last one and that's often when things fall apart.

My fiance and I are in love, but we've also tackled the big issues in our conversations. We both acknowledge that love alone is not all a marriage should be based on and if we work out these things ahead of time, we expect ours to be healthy, thrive and grow.

[*\Conan/*]

Having experienced alot of the things written in this thread myself, I would only have to offer a gentle honest reply to say that I am a little sad that this day and time both partners are pressured to have independent this and that pounded into social cliques, media, and family traditions. Alot of which can really spoil good marriages.

When I married my wife I didn't know how "much" she was worth or how much she made at her job. I was pleasantly surprised and we dealt with it as we needed. Wasn't that important compared to what was real with ourselves.

[The Ornery One]

Most of my family is basically traditional. My parents have been married for almost 32 or 33 years (can't remember, oops) and most of my aunts and uncles that got married, are still with their 1st spouse. Only 1 out of 6 cousins have gotten divorced, and my sister. Most of my friends have divorced parents but were raised no differently. Sometimes it makes then bond more strongly with their familys. Just as long as neither parent is insulting about the other around the child. Not sure how my son or nephew will fair in future relationships, though.

[Ronn_Bman]

Originally posted by skywalker: My wife and I will be married 19 years on September 24. So far so good - do you think it will last. The only difference is that we have no kids, so I sometimes wondered why we just didn't decide to live together instead. Mark

Happy (upcoming)Anniversary!

My in-laws also celebrate on the 24th, and my b-day is the 25th!

Also , thanks for the post in my "video card" series. I'm seriously looking at the site you provided. [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]

[The Hunter of Jahanna]

I think the problem is that in a marrage everyone wants to be the chief and no one wants to be the indian. In my marrage I am the indian in a sort of speaking. My wife doesnt walk all over me , but I dont challenge her about every little thing either. For example if we are going out to eat or see a movie when she asks me where I want to go my usual answer is "Where ever you want to go is fine with me".I answer that way because I realy dont mind where ever she wants to go because movies and going out arent realy my thing , but she enjoys them so I go with her. I have married friends who when asked the same question by their spouse turn it into a 20 minute discussion and eventualy fight about it. My wife and I have yet to have a single fight in the year and a half we have been together. I think this is because both of us see the bigger picture.If something isnt going to matter in an hour then why fight over it?? It also helps that unless it is something I truly hate, like going to a water park filled with unruly children, I am up for doing anything as is she. There isnt realy any comprimise as much as there is mutual agreement that unless one of us hates to do it , or we cant afford it ,anything goes.As far as fidelity and things of that nature go, neither of us has time for anyone else except each other if you get my meaning.

Also , I think people spend too much time looking for the right one and not enough time finding the right one. I see friends that will split up with someone as soon as they do something even slightly annoying.They never realy take the time to get to know someone.They treat a relationship like a job. THey will spend all day, every day with someone and not know anything about them, kind of like they are just co workers and not lovers.IMHO things like that are just a collosal waste of time and resources.

[ 09-20-2002, 01:49 PM: Message edited by: The Hunter of Jahanna ]

[WillowIX]

Since I´ve been married for 9 years now I ahve no objections to marriage But the interesting part in my mind is that humans as a species isn´t supposed to be monomgamous since this would lead to a depletion of gene variety. So if we should follow evolution (and I can´t believe I´m typing this [img]graemlins/nono.gif[/img] ) one night stands would be the best thing for everyone... I just love moral issues lol!

[Timber Loftis]

I have to disagree with you WillowIX. While I think that speaking in only biological terms, your argument is attractive, I find that it ultimately falls short. Yes, as nonthinking creatures with mixed-gene procreation and fornication [img]graemlins/happywave.gif[/img] behaviors you might be right. But, we have this brain, see. Which, among other things, makes us "economic" actors (by this I mean "selfish," at least to some degree). Thus, I am willing to make a commitment of monogomy, at least in part, because I want my partner to make the same commitment. I simply want her for myself and am willing to give up other women to seal the deal.

Course, then you throw in other "thinking" creature traits - like love - and you can find even more reasons why humans, quite NATURALLY, become monogomous.

Dolphins mate for life, you know. Many animals do. But, dolphins are one of the few other animals that have sex for pleasure.